The last couple of weeks have been intense.
When we first settled in a small town in the north of Bulgaria everything was new and exciting. Christmas was coming, the snow came too (lots of snow), and we started settling into our routine of starting the fire in the morning, cooking brekkie, going out for a walk and play in the park, shopping in the local grocery store, more cooking… you get the point.
It was peaceful, calm, fairy-tale like. My mind managed to calm down so much and I started smiling and laughing, and basically feeling happy with all my heart. It was like I was released from something restricting and let breathe the air again. My souls was breathing again, love and light.
But. Well, contrary to what the fairy-tales teach us, we know in real life fairy-tales do have an end and the princess goes back to scrubbing the floor and the prince turns back to frog. Sort of.
Why the happy end is so elusive? Why don’t we ever put an end to our misery and actually be happy?
Because we keep going after the next and next and next thing, and never stop for a second to honour how far we’ve actually come already. And just sit with that for a while – hours, days, even weeks.
We feel uncomfortable being still, we need to keep pushing forward. And then we hit a wall. And we get frustrated why things are not working out the way we’d like them to.
That’s what happened to me in the past two weeks. I decided it’s time to move things on, that we can’t live in a fairy-tale anymore and have to go back to reality, and started setting up deadlines and expectations for what has to happen and when.
Boom! Disappointment and frustration big deal. To the extend that I burn out so much mental and emotional energy that I completely deplete myself. After more than a week of trying to find an apartment for us to move in, and basically trying to control the situation and the outcome, I hit the ground.
Forgetting the golden rule that everything happens in its own divine timing. And that all I need to do is trust that what I want will happen. I’ve already set up everything from my side – wishes, visions – I’m crystal clear on what I want. But I’m trying to force it my way. I take away the role of god, which is to make things happen for us, in the best way for us. Which could be different to our expectations.
When we forget the power of god to manifest for us, thinking we have the sole power of our worlds, we hit the wall, we stumble. We block the energies and the opportunities flowing our way because we’re so rigid on what we need to happen. We literally build a wall between ourselves and what we want.
So knowing this, what do we do?
First we need to understand why we do this. Why do we need to control everything?
And it is because of lack of security, any type of security really but mainly emotional security. Which is an after effect of the way we grew up – conditions, environment, circumstances, etc.
If we didn’t feel safe in some way while still young, we’re more than likely to have control issues. We’ve learned that by controlling certain things in our life, we don’t feel too exposed and vulnerable. “We have things under control.” We don’t hurt too much.
When we understand where this behaviour comes from we need to remedy the situation. We need to turn our focus elsewhere.
If we needn’t control the future and our expectations, what do we do with ourselves?
Most importantly, we need to learn to appreciate the present moment – look at it and thank for it. Just be, take in the surroundings, be grateful for the limitless opportunities you have in each moment. Choose to find the joyful, the sacred, the beautiful in your life right now. We know there’s plenty of it, soak it in for at least a few moments.
Secondly, this situation is an invitation to look at what you’ve achieved so far. Before you move into the next stage of your life, look back and see the heaps of work you’ve done. I’m sure there’s so much but we’re so easily forgetting and overlooking it. We’ve just been trained that way but we can change that.
Personally, this came up to me on a few occasions. Around Christmas time, I was asking what I need to do, what kind of information I need to receive, what I need to know about my future plans. What I received as an answer was this: honour how far you’ve come before you move onwards. And I knew I should let go and just enjoy the holidays without worrying too much what I need to do in the new year. Then again it was 2017 and I started looking ahead forgetting what I was guided. Then the big hit came on the day of the full moon in Cancer on the 11th of Jan. By that time everything has come to a boil ready to explode. And I did. A week after I still feel I haven’t fully recovered, but I’m coming to terms with what happened.
I’ve gotten myself in a tangled flap of a mess. And I got myself out if it.
Thankfully to all I’ve been through and everything I’ve learned, I can see it all clearly.