I’m Vilina, I’m 34, and I’ve been on this journey of healing for 4 years. In 2015 my sister died of breast cancer and this tragedy served as my initiation. The trauma of her death reopened a deeper, repressed, wound – my abusive childhood.
When my sister died I knew that was a call for a life reset, a sort of wake-up call. I knew I needed to take a step back and examine my life. I knew I needed the time to process the loss. But I found out that I was at a loss of how to grieve at all.
I then started writing about my journey of dealing with my pain. I dived deep into my inner world, I threaded the waters of my soul far and wide. Until last year when I had a brain-shattering realisation.
I was abused in my childhood, I’m a childhood trauma survivor, and my mother was a narcissist and emotionally, mentally and psychologically unstable.
My mother also died from breast cancer and I never had a real closure with her. In fact, I never really had a relationship with her. When I was 10, she moved to another country and when she came back 5 years later, I had become a different person. We never connected again, for better or worse. During the 5 years she was gone, I grew up under the influence of my father which has its own implications.
The memory I have of my childhood is an empty house and being very lonely. I longed for human connection and love. Very early in my life, I knew I wanted to get away as soon as I could and go as far as I could. That brought me around a few countries and eventually, I settled in Ireland. I met my partner and our son was born there. After a series of events, we decided to relocate and that’s how I came back to my home country Bulgaria.
Ever since the death of my sister, I’ve been on a path of self-discovery and awareness. Each day I’m becoming more myself – learning self-love and compassion, and unlearning toxic programming and conditioning. Self-harm and loathing, negative self-talk and criticism have been my coping mechanisms for a long time but now I understand they are the effects of distressing childhood experiences.
My life today is understanding the workings of trauma, how it affects my mind, body and brain, and managing my symptoms and triggers. I slowly come to terms with the fact that life won’t ever be the same, that some loss is permanent, and that damage IS done. But not all is lost – acceptance of the facts and awareness of the conditions gives peace, hope and encouragement for the future.
The gift of the pain I’ve been through is the compassion I’ve grown not only towards myself but also towards others on a similar path. When you’ve suffered so much, you can only feel love for the others who are suffering too.
My life mission and soul purpose are to help others who are trekking the path of recovery and healing. Post-traumatic stress and mental health conditions are a very lonely place to be and I’ve experienced the ache of isolation myself. You DON’T have to do it all alone and I offer you support, understanding and encouragement. Right now I don’t offer any services or products but I hope that one day my work will expand and be repaid.
This blog is a safe space for trauma and mental illness survivors where they can find the necessary strength to just take the next step.
From here we can grow and heal together – for ourselves, for our families, for our children and their children. Our task isn’t an easy one but it’s special and crucial for our time. We are the ones breaking the curses of transgenerational trauma so that the world would be different for the generations to come.
This blog is for you to feel that you’re not alone, to ask for help, and to lean on the support system I’ve built here. I’m not a therapist and my task is not to fix you. Only you can do this for yourself, only you know what’s best for you. Start today by turning in towards yourself and you will be on your way to healing.
In love and kindness,
“Like a lotus flower growing from the mud and blooming towards the sky, I rise up from the pain of my past, healed and reborn.”