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VILINA CHRISTOPH

A Woman's Story of Healing & Empowerment

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  • Interview with Alexis Rose Image
    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Alexis Rose: author of Untangled, a story of resilience, courage, and triumph

    Today I am introducing a new feature on the blog – guest posts and interviews from other authors, writers and bloggers. These would normally be people who have been through and have overcome certain adversities in their lives. They will be sharing their stories, practices and messages of transformation. Our very first guest is Alexis Rose, an author of the incredible memoir Untangled, a story of resilience, courage, and triumph. I found Alexis’s blog and her articles instantly captivated me. I went on to buy and read her book too and since then I’ve been feeling very connected to her and her journey of transformation. Here are Alexis own words: Tell us…

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    It’s a strange day today, in a beautiful, real, soulful, tender way. I’ll try and describe what I feel the best way I can. This morning I started reading a book – Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph. I found this author and her moving story “randomly” browsing in WordePress reader. When I opened Alexis’s blog and read a few blog posts, I knew I’ve found it for a reason. I was captivated. This is the story of a woman who has suffered extreme physical and sexual abuse as a young child and a teenager in the 60’s and 70’s in America. I only started reading this morning but the…

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Vilina Christoph Headshot Image

Hello & Welcome

I am Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. I use words to transmute the pain and adversity into fuel for growth and empowerment. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and transform our lives from within. I am passionate about helping women heal, grow and feel empowered to build and live a full authentic life.

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  • What makes Complex Trauma and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) different is that the events were occuring within a prolonged period of time and the "victim" was trapped and feeling helpless in a situation they couldn't do anything to change. • With childhood emotional trauma, we're talking about years of the experiences mentioned above, well into adolescence. I was 20 when I was able to leave "home" - that's 20 years of living at the place where these traumatic events happened and some of them still kept happening. They didn't happen every single day but they happened regularly and frequently. • Do we really believe that doesn't affect us or shape us into the people we're today? Do we really believe that we can just move on and forget about the past? Do we truly believe that all this can just go away without affecting the people around us? Let's think again. • I'm not advocating for blaming or shaming, I'm advocating for the healing of our traumas. And the first step towards that is to acknowledge it. Let's make that step.🔥💯
  • The last few weeks have been particularly trying in some ways but good in others. I find myself speechless and not having much to share publicly, instead I've focused on myself and my family. Self-awareness, connection and the repair of broken bonds, gratitude and presence, being myself and finding joy, letting go of karmic residues and grieving - summarise my experience the past weeks. Having my son at home, I don't have much time to spend in my head but I find myself in my body more often. It's difficult sometimes, the impulses to run, hide, numb.. are strong. But then I remind myself why it's so important and worth it. Building new habits, structures, systems and ways of being is never easy but so important and rewarding. A few facts to share - last week I started working with a therapist. She confirmed my "theory" that what I've experienced as a child was Emotional Neglect and as a result - Developmental Trauma. "It will be a long therapy" - she said. "I'm ready" - I said. And last but not least, I want to shout-out to a few people whose post have tremendously inspired and helped me during these weeks. @the.holistic.psychologist @cptsd.hope @truecolours @themindgeek Thank You 🙏
  • Healing is simply that important 🌠🔥🌠 • I just posted an article on Medium, What Is Healing and Why Do We Need to Heal? Link is in the bio 🙏👆 • Author of quote @mooretalkja
  • I had to take a few days off of social media, you may have noticed. Quite unexpectedly, I was washed down by a flood of emotions that I'm still processing. My goal is to stay focused on the present moment, focus on the good and positive in each situation, in people and in life in general. To stay on top of what feels like the grand canyon of emotional sinkholes. • A few quotes are helping to stay afloat and I want to share them with you, in case you're feeling in a similar fashion these days. • 🌻Every day may not be a good day, but there is something good in every day. • 🌻People say 'find the good one and leave the bad ones'. But I say 'find good in people and ignore the bad in them' because no one is perfect. • 🌻If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul." Rabbi Harold Kushner • I hope these serve you and let me know how have these days been for you! We had an emotional new moon this Monday and, if I'm picking it up correctly, these tendencies will dominate the month of June for the most of it. • P.S. The Wonder List is up on the blog - it's a monthly series with goals, things to be grateful for, inspirational videos and articles, and affirmations for you to set the tone for the month. Check it out in the linktree up in the bio! Have a beautiful day, V. 🌻 • 📷 @cotton.tv
  • So a time comes when you realise you’ve put up too many walls around yourself and you’ve fought too much against the world. • Boundaries are sacred but defence is a different story, and the line between them is thin but makes all the difference. • I’ve lived most of my life protecting, fending, and fighting for myself. No wonder I’m so fucking exhausted all the time. These are fights on an emotional level and they suck all the juice out of me. • I realised I’m tired of fighting. But why did I fight in the first place? Where did that notion come from? You guessed it - it came from the way I was brought up. From the messages I received from my parents, and they were many: • “You can’t trust anyone but yourself.” “No one really cares about you, they’ll simply want to use you.” “The world is not a safe place and it’s not to be trusted.” “You have to fight for what you want.” “No one will give you what you deserve, you have to get it for yourself.” “You have to work hard.” “People will just use you for their own gains.” Etc., etc… • And even though these messages may be given as a sort of protection and preparation for “the big wide world”, they are poisonous. They distort our perception and never give us a chance to form our own opinions about life. • I’ve lived my life based on these programmes, unconsciously. But I’m ready to declare “peace” on life and stop living from the mentality and (un)consciousness of a victim. Because these beliefs come from a place of pain and fear. And they may have developed understandably so that we survive and feel safe. But ultimately, they distort reality and rob us from joy and connection.
  • Hey guys, I know I haven't posted much lately. It's one of those moments when life speeds up and gets busy after a period of quietness and steadiness. • A big chapter of my son's life just ended - he finished going to kindergarten. It ended somewhat abruptly. On Monday I was met at the door with a barrage of negativity by his teachers, this time they really ganged up on me! • We've just decided to keep him for the summer months but that seriously made me rethink. On Tuesday I received an unexpected email from the school where he'll start in September. They were offering a summer program for the kids. It was God sent! The timing couldn't have been better! • That happened just before I had to leave for the kindergarten where the parents were invited for an open lesson. My boy was delighted to see me in there and the kids did wonderfully. But I couldn't help but notice the tone of the teachers and the whole atmosphere. I'll save you the details but they rude, impatient, sounded critical and shaming. • By the end of the lesson my son was in tears because of a few things and wanted to leave. I decided I couldn't tolerate all the negativity and toxicity any more. I left with him and for good. The last two days he refuses to go and we're at home. • I can't explain the relief I'm feeling and it makes me wonder why I've put up with all this for so long? Anyway, it's another learning experience which brings me closer to my truth, to my self, to my values, to what really matters. It's painful when I look back but I keep looking forward and know these experiences help me to go after what I really want, to create the life I really want. They bring clarity and determination. Onwards! 💋 • 📷 @positivelypresent
  • Hey guys! Welcome to all the lovely new people here ❤ • A few weeks ago my partner, son and I went for a hike in the mountain near the city of Sofia, where we live currently. Last time we were here, we accidentally found a magical wildflower lawn and it was the most special place. So we aimed for it again but after quite some hiking we found some buildings that we didn’t remember from before. Eventually, we realised that somehow we’ve deviated from the path to the magical wildflower lawn. We wandered a bit more trying to figure out where exactly we were but it was getting late… • In that moment, a memory from my childhood kicked in. My mom used to love hiking and, as a school teacher, she often brought her students for excursions during the summer holidays. Sometimes she brought me too but I was far too small to do any hiking or remember anything at all. • But I clearly remember how on one of those trips, our group got lost. It was a terrible weather - rain, fog and darkness. We were soaked, cold, and tired. It was so bad that our experienced mounting guide lost the direction and we found ourselves going in circles. Luckily, we reached a hut which took our group in and I remember drying my clothes around the fire stoves and drinking hot tea. • That event must’ve frightened me so much that every time I go in the mountains now and something unforeseen happens, I start panic. Not because I’m afraid but because I know that mountains are no joke. • As we wandered to find our way back, instead of finding the wildflower lawn, we found the most magical view. We could see two other mountains to our left and right - it was enchanting and totally unexpected! Instead of having picnic on the magical lawn we had a picnic on a bench with a magical view. After the short break, we scurried on our path but then again we've taken the wrong one. Instead of going back we reached the peak (pictured above). • Thus, the moral of the story is that we shouldn't be afraid to deviate from the path sometimes. Be courageous, be brave, be daring - you don't know what you'll find just around the corner! It might not be what you've planned fo but it might be much more magical!~V. 💋
  • Happy (Fri)day beautiful Souls 💖 Celebrate every day like it's a Friday! Stop for a moment and appreciate your surroundings, give thanks, say a prayer. You're a wondrous creation and life is a wild ride - make the best out of it 💋 My heart goes out to you! 📷 @laurenrichellequigley
  • ⚡WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO LET GO OF THE PAST AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE⚡ • 👉 "PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is not the person refusing to let go of the past, but the past refusing to let go of the person." (Help credit author!) • Sadly, common, well-meaning comments like this are very dismissive and could prove quite damaging for someone with trauma who's experiencing post traumatic stress symptoms. That is because there's a huge lack of education, knowledge and understanding around the concept of trauma and the complexity of its symptoms and effects. • So next time when someone gives you an advice that doesn't feel acknowledging or even downright diminishing, remember your truth and the truth about trauma and educate them. Use this quote as an example! ⚡
  • The last few days I had my father visiting and the healing between him and me, and what we carry as emotional trauma, is deepening. As he left, I'm focusing on allowing for my feelings to surface and not hold anything back or hidden behind. • Life's not always peachy and facing our trauma isn't all "love and light". But allowing for all our feelings to surface and just be with them, is crucial for healing those traumas. • I understood why and how I wasn't allowed to feel and show certain feelings - the ones on the "negative" side of the spectrum. I wasn't allowed to be in a "bad" mood, to be sad, or in any way not rosy and peachy. It was because my father was never allowed (he never allowed himself) to express his own feelings of sadness, disappointment or despair. • The other day, I just wasn't all chirpy first thing in the morning and needed some time to tune in and come to the light. My father immediately got triggered and then played the victim and blame/guilt game. Not intentionally, but completely unaware. • I caught that moment and even though it was hard for me, I knew I had to stick to my truth - I'm allowed to feel in whatever way I feel and not having to plaster a fake smile just to save someone some discomfort, even if that someone was my father. After all, all I needed was a few minutes for myself and that shouldn't be a reason for him to get personally offended. So I stuck up to my guns. • And what happened? - He started to cry. Suddenly, his feelings gushed in. I startled at first but then just held the space for his suppressed pain to emerge. I didn't say anything, didn't attend to "rescue" him, or cheer him up. I just allowed him to be. And sat with him, witnessing and allowing for the discomfort nonjudgmentally. • I wished he'd done the same thing for me just a few minutes earlier but what really matters is that I broke the cycle. We broke the cycle. He didn't know how to allow for the pain and how to transcend it, he's held a lot of it his whole life. • It's a small step but it's the first one of a sacred journey, a sacred task of healing generational emotional trauma that my father and I have carried for a long time. Until now.🔥🔥🔥
  • You Are Worthy As You Are ❤ I have my father visiting and not much time for myself. But there's always time to remind yourself of your worth! Every time I step out of my routine, I realise how much I value my time and everything I do, how much I actually love the way I've set up my life. You are worthy of the life you wish to have ❤ . . 📷 @theheraproject
  • The past few days I've been reading about and ruminating over the subject of Boundaries! It's such a trendy topic these days but I'm starting to understand the real meaning of it, beyond the superficial. .. There's difference in how we know something and in order to fully get it, we need to viscerally feel/experience it with all of ourselves - mind, body, spirit. .. I'm realising the lack of boundaries I've had and also why. As a child I learned I need to please in order to be loved and seen. I was raised as a caregiver and a home caretaker. If I didn't perform, I would be guilted, shamed and punished with withdrawal of affection. .. I grew up in a home where there was love but it was conditional. I learned to look after others and their happiness and wellbeing, but not after myself. It was never about me, there was no me. .. Even when I left home, the tentacles of emotional entanglement didn't leave me. They've kept me obedient and stifled my growth and individuation. As a result, I allowed others to take advantage of me, giving much and receiving none. Even in my family of choice. .. Now I feel how the caregiver role I had to assume early in my life and the emotional enmeshment that followed, have completely compromised a healthy development, part of which are the boundaries we have with others. .. The best way to start setting those boundaries is to start communicating NON defensively and reactively what you're comfortable with and not, what you wish to tolerate and not, which subjects are off-topic and which are allowed. Stay calm and be clear and firm. .. Good luck 💕 📷 @artery.therapeutics

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  • What makes Complex Trauma and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) different is that the events were occuring within a prolonged period of time and the "victim" was trapped and feeling helpless in a situation they couldn't do anything to change. • With childhood emotional trauma, we're talking about years of the experiences mentioned above, well into adolescence. I was 20 when I was able to leave "home" - that's 20 years of living at the place where these traumatic events happened and some of them still kept happening. They didn't happen every single day but they happened regularly and frequently. • Do we really believe that doesn't affect us or shape us into the people we're today? Do we really believe that we can just move on and forget about the past? Do we truly believe that all this can just go away without affecting the people around us? Let's think again. • I'm not advocating for blaming or shaming, I'm advocating for the healing of our traumas. And the first step towards that is to acknowledge it. Let's make that step.🔥💯
  • The last few weeks have been particularly trying in some ways but good in others. I find myself speechless and not having much to share publicly, instead I've focused on myself and my family. Self-awareness, connection and the repair of broken bonds, gratitude and presence, being myself and finding joy, letting go of karmic residues and grieving - summarise my experience the past weeks. Having my son at home, I don't have much time to spend in my head but I find myself in my body more often. It's difficult sometimes, the impulses to run, hide, numb.. are strong. But then I remind myself why it's so important and worth it. Building new habits, structures, systems and ways of being is never easy but so important and rewarding. A few facts to share - last week I started working with a therapist. She confirmed my "theory" that what I've experienced as a child was Emotional Neglect and as a result - Developmental Trauma. "It will be a long therapy" - she said. "I'm ready" - I said. And last but not least, I want to shout-out to a few people whose post have tremendously inspired and helped me during these weeks. @the.holistic.psychologist @cptsd.hope @truecolours @themindgeek Thank You 🙏
  • Healing is simply that important 🌠🔥🌠 • I just posted an article on Medium, What Is Healing and Why Do We Need to Heal? Link is in the bio 🙏👆 • Author of quote @mooretalkja
  • I had to take a few days off of social media, you may have noticed. Quite unexpectedly, I was washed down by a flood of emotions that I'm still processing. My goal is to stay focused on the present moment, focus on the good and positive in each situation, in people and in life in general. To stay on top of what feels like the grand canyon of emotional sinkholes. • A few quotes are helping to stay afloat and I want to share them with you, in case you're feeling in a similar fashion these days. • 🌻Every day may not be a good day, but there is something good in every day. • 🌻People say 'find the good one and leave the bad ones'. But I say 'find good in people and ignore the bad in them' because no one is perfect. • 🌻If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul." Rabbi Harold Kushner • I hope these serve you and let me know how have these days been for you! We had an emotional new moon this Monday and, if I'm picking it up correctly, these tendencies will dominate the month of June for the most of it. • P.S. The Wonder List is up on the blog - it's a monthly series with goals, things to be grateful for, inspirational videos and articles, and affirmations for you to set the tone for the month. Check it out in the linktree up in the bio! Have a beautiful day, V. 🌻 • 📷 @cotton.tv
  • So a time comes when you realise you’ve put up too many walls around yourself and you’ve fought too much against the world. • Boundaries are sacred but defence is a different story, and the line between them is thin but makes all the difference. • I’ve lived most of my life protecting, fending, and fighting for myself. No wonder I’m so fucking exhausted all the time. These are fights on an emotional level and they suck all the juice out of me. • I realised I’m tired of fighting. But why did I fight in the first place? Where did that notion come from? You guessed it - it came from the way I was brought up. From the messages I received from my parents, and they were many: • “You can’t trust anyone but yourself.” “No one really cares about you, they’ll simply want to use you.” “The world is not a safe place and it’s not to be trusted.” “You have to fight for what you want.” “No one will give you what you deserve, you have to get it for yourself.” “You have to work hard.” “People will just use you for their own gains.” Etc., etc… • And even though these messages may be given as a sort of protection and preparation for “the big wide world”, they are poisonous. They distort our perception and never give us a chance to form our own opinions about life. • I’ve lived my life based on these programmes, unconsciously. But I’m ready to declare “peace” on life and stop living from the mentality and (un)consciousness of a victim. Because these beliefs come from a place of pain and fear. And they may have developed understandably so that we survive and feel safe. But ultimately, they distort reality and rob us from joy and connection.
  • Hey guys, I know I haven't posted much lately. It's one of those moments when life speeds up and gets busy after a period of quietness and steadiness. • A big chapter of my son's life just ended - he finished going to kindergarten. It ended somewhat abruptly. On Monday I was met at the door with a barrage of negativity by his teachers, this time they really ganged up on me! • We've just decided to keep him for the summer months but that seriously made me rethink. On Tuesday I received an unexpected email from the school where he'll start in September. They were offering a summer program for the kids. It was God sent! The timing couldn't have been better! • That happened just before I had to leave for the kindergarten where the parents were invited for an open lesson. My boy was delighted to see me in there and the kids did wonderfully. But I couldn't help but notice the tone of the teachers and the whole atmosphere. I'll save you the details but they rude, impatient, sounded critical and shaming. • By the end of the lesson my son was in tears because of a few things and wanted to leave. I decided I couldn't tolerate all the negativity and toxicity any more. I left with him and for good. The last two days he refuses to go and we're at home. • I can't explain the relief I'm feeling and it makes me wonder why I've put up with all this for so long? Anyway, it's another learning experience which brings me closer to my truth, to my self, to my values, to what really matters. It's painful when I look back but I keep looking forward and know these experiences help me to go after what I really want, to create the life I really want. They bring clarity and determination. Onwards! 💋 • 📷 @positivelypresent
  • Hey guys! Welcome to all the lovely new people here ❤ • A few weeks ago my partner, son and I went for a hike in the mountain near the city of Sofia, where we live currently. Last time we were here, we accidentally found a magical wildflower lawn and it was the most special place. So we aimed for it again but after quite some hiking we found some buildings that we didn’t remember from before. Eventually, we realised that somehow we’ve deviated from the path to the magical wildflower lawn. We wandered a bit more trying to figure out where exactly we were but it was getting late… • In that moment, a memory from my childhood kicked in. My mom used to love hiking and, as a school teacher, she often brought her students for excursions during the summer holidays. Sometimes she brought me too but I was far too small to do any hiking or remember anything at all. • But I clearly remember how on one of those trips, our group got lost. It was a terrible weather - rain, fog and darkness. We were soaked, cold, and tired. It was so bad that our experienced mounting guide lost the direction and we found ourselves going in circles. Luckily, we reached a hut which took our group in and I remember drying my clothes around the fire stoves and drinking hot tea. • That event must’ve frightened me so much that every time I go in the mountains now and something unforeseen happens, I start panic. Not because I’m afraid but because I know that mountains are no joke. • As we wandered to find our way back, instead of finding the wildflower lawn, we found the most magical view. We could see two other mountains to our left and right - it was enchanting and totally unexpected! Instead of having picnic on the magical lawn we had a picnic on a bench with a magical view. After the short break, we scurried on our path but then again we've taken the wrong one. Instead of going back we reached the peak (pictured above). • Thus, the moral of the story is that we shouldn't be afraid to deviate from the path sometimes. Be courageous, be brave, be daring - you don't know what you'll find just around the corner! It might not be what you've planned fo but it might be much more magical!~V. 💋
  • Happy (Fri)day beautiful Souls 💖 Celebrate every day like it's a Friday! Stop for a moment and appreciate your surroundings, give thanks, say a prayer. You're a wondrous creation and life is a wild ride - make the best out of it 💋 My heart goes out to you! 📷 @laurenrichellequigley

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