I met Kathy in the wonderful blogging world and loved her stories and insights from first sight. I quickly committed to reading her blog Kwoted regularly and have never wasted my time – it’s full of practical wisdom, grounded spirituality, brilliant inspiration and deep transformation. I have the opportunity and pleasure to interview her and learn more about her healing journey.
Here are Kathy’s own words:
Tell us a little bit about your life journey.
I was born and raised on the west side of Chicago. Shortly after I turned sixteen, my mother died from complications with kidney disease. A year after that, my father gave up his parental rights and sent me to live with my maternal grandmother. Our relationship settled into dysfunction because of that and few interactions over the next twenty-five years.
In between those circumstances, I received a BA in English Education, an MAT in English, and a PhD in Curriculum and Instruction. I taught high school English for ten years and post-secondary classes for seventeen years. I currently prepare students who desire to be teachers.
Four years ago, I remembered a passion that was lost in the shuffle of my adolescent trauma: writing. On a whim, I submitted a creative nonfiction piece to an international blog centered on discussing women of color’s issues. It was published and that validated me to continue writing for different outlets.
Three words that define you most accurately.
Dependable, Creative, Intuitive
What was the life event that triggered the beginning of your personal transformation and healing journey?
Prior to 2014, I was functioning in a space of low self worth. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of love, and even if someone did love me, like my husband of twenty-one years, then I thought it would soon end. Because of this, I repeatedly committed adultery. In 2014, I cheated even though I knew it was wrong and that I shouldn’t have been there. I was 41 years old.
“It was in that moment that I realized I needed to figure out what the problem was. I’d had enough of my own “bad” behavior.”
What was the life event that made you start writing and sharing your experiences with the world?
Once I decided to delve into my issues, I downloaded a relationship meditation hosted by Deepak and Oprah. It comes with journal prompts. One of the prompts asked something like, what are you most afraid of learning about yourself? I had to really think about it. What I’d feared is that no one would like me. I figured that I must’ve been damaged for so many people to abandon me.
What I didn’t mention earlier is that I am adopted, so the parents I speak of dying and giving up parental rights were my adoptive parents. Between my biological mother and them, I’d created a story about myself that I wasn’t worthy of love.
After cheating for the last time and finishing the meditation, I decided two main new ways of living:
(1) I needed to be more conscious and truthful with myself and others, and
(2) I would write to inspire others in some way.
Consequently, my blog was born and I began writing and submitting more pieces to public outlets.
What was your most prominent “aha” moment during your healing journey?
“Whatever you seek from other people, you should just do yourself.”
For example, I’m big on wanting people to be compassionate. I used to be very angry when I would go through a situation and people around me weren’t compassionate about what was going on. Once I stopped trying to get people to do what I wanted and just became compassionate myself, then I found peace.
What do you find most challenging to deal with on daily basis?
Similar to the previous answer, I find it difficult to allow others to be themselves. Sometimes I want people to act and be the way I am. That’s impossible and it’s not fair to the other person. In these times, I remind myself that we’re all different and I have a choice of interacting or not interacting with the person.
What are your best practices & tools to get yourself back on track?
Sometimes I do a little chakra work, where I focus on specific ones and listen to music and mantras associated with each. Other times, I meditate and focus on what it is that I’d like to bring forth into my life, such as an abundance of peace or time.
What is the definition of healed for you?
“Similar to physical pain, we are healed when it doesn’t hurt anymore and when we or someone else can touch the affected area without causing us to wince.”
What is your message to others who are struggling with adversity and pain?
“In order to move through adversity and pain, you have to admit there is adversity and you are in pain.”
For a long time, I suffered silently because I’d learned to repress my emotions and cope with sex. Of course, this is unhealthy. It wasn’t until I faced the idea that I was actually sad, angry, and resentful that I was able to begin a healing process.
Do you have a hero who inspires your actions or somebody you dedicate your work to?
I value myself so much now that I’m happy to say I’m my own hero. I’m glad that I’ve returned to a sense of who I am while on this journey. However, my works are dedicated to different individuals, depending on what it is.
If you can change one thing about your life circumstances, what would that be?
About 95% of the time, I understand that there is no need to change anything about my life. Everyone has a specific journey and childhood and what occurs there is a part of it.
But then there’s that 5% of the time where I really just wish I had a “normal” upbringing raised by two biological parents who love me and are still here physically and emotionally. Sometimes I think that would’ve made life easier.
Where do you see yourself in one year?
Within one year, I want to have found a publisher for my third book, which is a memoir.
What is the one thing that never fails to put a smile on your face?
Being in alignment with the universe always puts a smile on my face. There are days when this is more obvious than others, like when something you’ve wanted to manifest is suddenly in your physical realm, exactly as you’d wanted it to be.
If you get to write a book (if you haven’t yet) what would be the name of the book?
I’ve actually written three books.
The first is called Kwoted. It includes 100 original and inspirational quotes.
The second is a collection of fictionalized stories based on real women’s marriages; it’s called The Unhappy Wife.
The third is an anthology that includes fourteen women’s stories about their dysfunctional father-daughter issues and how they’ve moved through them; it’s called Daddy: Reflections of Father-Daughter Relationships.
Where can others find you/contact you?
I hope you enjoyed today’s interview and that it inspires you to continue healing, growing and sharing your story with the world.
Make sure to reach out to Kathy with any questions you may have in the comment section below. And share this post if you think it may help someone else. Infinite thanks!1