I’ve spent a good deal of time digging up my past, exploring my psyche and searching for answers and truth.
I found a lot of pain, sadness, hurt and sorrow. Not only that, of course, but I’ve been focused mainly on the difficult aspects since I wanted to heal them and release myself from the emotional prison I’ve lived in my whole life.
For the first part of our life we don’t realise any of this, we simply act out these painful aspects of our past that were lodged into our subconscious.
Sooner or later something happens to us to wake us up, become aware and heal the pain that’s keeping us stuck and away from fully living in joy.
That happened in my life a little more than three years ago. Since then I’ve thoroughly dedicated my life to inner searching, growing my self-understanding and awareness, and healing.
Most paths of the journey lead to our early childhood years. I’ve written a lot on this subject simply because it’s a vast and most significant part of our development and in shaping us as adults.
I recently realised I was holding onto a lot of hurt, resentment and anger towards my parents. I felt I was damaged. I was blaming them even though I had the understanding and the awareness.
I realised that the child in me was still hurting. It hasn’t forgotten or forgiven. And that kept me away from accessing love on every level and in every aspect of my life.
Furthermore, I was keeping myself in the role of the victim, the one being done to, which was also reaffirming my powerlessness.
As a child my existence was in the power of my parents. But not anymore as an adult.
Still, I was prolonging this suffering by holding onto the hurt from the past.
It takes tremendous strength and courage to witness this within yourself and hold space for the process of healing. It’s not an easy task by all means and whoever is on this journey is a hero. Know you’re strong and courageous and a champion!
I realised that it was my choice whether I would live in pain or in love.
All this time the power was within me – will I keep myself imprisoned or will I set myself free from my past?
What helped me in the process was seeing my parents in their innocence. I know they didn’t do anything wrong or on purpose. They were the victims of their own inadequacy and inabilities, their limitations and insecurities. They did indeed love me. But our life as a family was a catastrophe and we all suffered the consequences of having a family life that wasn’t working and eventually got broken.
I also chose to see this as a necessary lesson in my own soul journey since I believe we get to choose our parents, family and life experiences.
This was my own journey of coming back to love.
The other empowering thing I did was to make a vow to my inner child that from now on I will be her protector and I will never let her down. I choose to hold her as I hold my own child and revere in her innocence and beauty. I am the father and the mother she never had.
This process is extremely empowering since we reclaim our power back to ourselves and no longer see ourselves as victims trapped in the prisons of our emotional suffering. Also, by seeing our parents through the lens of innocence we find the strength to forgive them, which sets us and them free from pain and hurt.
May you be set free from the pain of your past and find your way back to love! ~ I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let me know in the comments.1