Letting go (of what no longer serves us) never goes out of fashion
New year, new me? Well, there is no need for a new me every new year if you’re OK with yourself and feel enough as you are. But certainly, there are situations, relationships, even people that need to be let go of. More accurately – it’s the type of relationships I’m having with certain people, or even more accurately – the expectations I have from them. I’m going through an “interesting” process – as I’m healing my childhood trauma more and more, I realise the triggers and traps I fall into more and more. As early childhood trauma is an attachment trauma in its essence, it’s a relational trauma too. That…
I am the person I am today because of my trauma, not despite it
My biggest battle is accepting my childhood trauma and the effects it has had and continues to have on my life and its overall quality. More accurately, I struggle the most with accepting that because of my posttraumatic stress responses, my role as a mother has been impaired. As a victim of childhood abuse and trauma, I am especially sensitive towards the fact that because of my own “condition” my child is suffering too. I can easily go down the spiral of blaming myself for not being the mother I wish I could be, for the things I have done or haven’t done because I wasn’t well myself. Because I am…
The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of March
“What actually sustain us, what is fundamentally beautiful, is compassion for yourself and for those around you.” ~ Lupita Nyong’o Goal for the month: Garnering inspiration, building healthy habits and continuing to practice your craft. Things I’m grateful for and bring me joy: ♥ Standing up for myself and fiercely loving myself ♥ Speaking up my truth without fearing rejection ♥ Honest conversations with loved ones ♥ Voicing concerns and venting frustrations ♥ Quiet and minimal places ♥ No distraction and noises ♥ Fresh air and blue skies ♥ Playing with my son on the floor ♥ Making coffee and cooking breakfast ♥ Drinking tea in the park ♥ Setting up an editorial calendar ♥ Inspiration flow ♥ Bulding momentum ♥…
An unexpected healing experience during the holiday season
I am writing this on 31 December 2018 and so far this holiday season has proven unexpected. For first time ever my partner, son and I got to stay at home for the holidays. No travelling, no other people’s traditions or expectations – we put the start and foundation of our family tradition. This is something I’ve longed for for a very long time. I’ve never had a strong family of my own and I barely have any memories of our time together, if there was any “togetherness” at all. Having my own family has always been like a guiding star for me – something I’ve always, even subconsciously, strived for.…
How childhood trauma robs your power away and how to take it back
This summer I spent about a month at my father’s house with my son. It wasn’t our first time and, as I’d expected, it was tumultuous. A part of me knew it was time to stand up to some of the dysfunction in my family of origin and confront it. I could only hope that this experience was going to bring me some resolutions and it would prove empowering. And it did. For the first week or so the usual, generations-old, themes of guilt and shame, insecurity and inadequacy were saturating the air until it came to a boil. There were tears and screaming, anger and pain – suppressed emotions and…
Turning seasons and the possibility of new horizons
Weather in Bulgaria has turned and it’s been really chilly for the last couple of days – we woke up to a 1°C/33°F morning in Sofia. It will be getting slightly warmer next week but, even so, autumn is upon us. I just flipped the calendar into October (although there’s a few more days) because I usually remember to do it when we’re well into the new month so I used this rare opportunity of remembering in advance. Doing this I flashbacked to when I first put the calendar up on the wall early in January. And here we are, just a few more days and we will be in…
Setting ourselves free from the pain of the past
I’ve spent a good deal of time digging up my past, exploring my psyche and searching for answers and truth. I found a lot of pain, sadness, hurt and sorrow. Not only that, of course, but I’ve been focused mainly on the difficult aspects since I wanted to heal them and release myself from the emotional prison I’ve lived in my whole life. For the first part of our life we don’t realise any of this, we simply act out these painful aspects of our past that were lodged into our subconscious. Sooner or later something happens to us to wake us up, become aware and heal the pain that’s…
Interview with Elizabeth Johnsen: woman and mother on a path of healing and transformation
In 2015 Elizabeth contacted me through my blog – she was the very first person to reach out in such a way. Quickly we felt a much deeper connection which grew into a friendship. Even though we’ve never met in person I feel we’ve known each other for lifetimes. I know Elizabeth has been through some hard times recently and it was painful to witness her journey “from afar” but nevertheless, I never stopped feeling for her. I’m happy to see and say that she has overcome the darkness. Here are Elizabeth’s own words: Tell us a little bit about your life journey. I was raised in New Zealand by…
Working with the inner child: illuminations and release
I’m nearly finished with my Inner Child Therapy. It’s been more than 10 weeks now and it’s been illuminating. It wasn’t as scary and traumatic as I was picturing it but it has been eye-opening and sometimes heart-breaking. I’ve had numerous “aha” moments, things I would’ve probably never known haven’t I done the work. In a way my realisations were more simple, and perhaps even quite common, than I have expected. Nevertheless, it’s been mind-boggling. The two main themes in terms of what I received or didn’t receive from my parents are described below. From my father: My father was busy and occupied with his work. His work was his…
Web Wonderland No.6 & what I’ve been up to: My hyper-active mind + books, tv, and useful links
Hey you! I’d like to put together a post that summarises everything I’ve been up to during the last few weeks. I haven’t been able to post much, I feel like my mind has been stretched by hundreds of tiny and not so tiny pieces of information. So I’ll try to put it all up here as a trace for myself and also there’s quite a few things that may present an interest to you too. I often get tense and mentally overwhelmed when I haven’t “emptied my mind’s cup” and that’s how I felt for a while now. Sometimes I get quite amazed how active my mind could be and…
