Four Things I've Learned Image
Trauma Healing

Four things I’ve learned from going through a crisis

“A crisis gives you the opportunity to face your deepest flaws and fears, take responsibility for your life, and turn the pain something beautiful.”

For the last 5 years I have been going through some tough times. Living away from my family and friends in a foreign country, losing two of my closest people to cancer and trying to cope with motherhood and unemployment is roughly describing the picture. Yet, these hardships prompted me to explore my life situation and find the lessons in it. Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. Take the Time to Process

First of all that means to acknowledge that something is happening to you. Try not to hide and suppress your feelings. What I found about myself was that I wasn’t allowing myself to show any feeling. I thought that I shouldn’t make others feel like they have to do or say something to make me feel better. I didn’t want to make them feel sorry for me, or, that in any way they have to do something to help me feel better. I would totally block them from trying to get anywhere near me, literally and figuratively, and thus I would try to solve everything by myself.

Bottom line

Allow yourself to feel the pain inside and acknowledge your feelings and emotions. Right there in front of yourself. Admit to yourself that you’re finding it very hard to cope. This way those feelings will not get suppressed but, instead, they will be illuminated. Once you’re comfortable with being uncomfortable you will be better able to express this state to others. And receive due support.

2. Do the Heavy Lifting

What is happening has to do only with yourself and nobody else. The outside world is merely the trigger. What you need to do is raise the question. Even if you don’t know where to look for answers, simply putting it out there in the ether will point you towards a clue. What happened to me after my sister died is that I started to read about astrology. Book by book, I came to form an invaluable knowledge and understanding of myself. No matter the tool, doing the inner work is essential. Get in touch with yourself and illuminate each part of your soul. Eventually the pieces start sticking together and outlining the bigger picture.

Bottom line

Whatever you’re going through it is most likely happening for a reason. Very likely it is your karma. Your karma is what you need to learn. It is not a negative, sort of punishment, but it is a particular lesson you need to master. You need to experience certain energies in this lifetime and learn to harness them in a creative way in order to stimulate the growth of your soul and its returning to the source.

3. Find a Creative Outlet

The process of internal examination is highly intense. If this energy is not let go, it will accumulate in your energetic body. Believe me, you don’t want to hold on to it! What you want is to get your hands dirty and then create something beautiful. It could be anything you love to do. Myself, I always fancied being a writer. I am not saying that I am a writer, I am simply saying that I find it satisfactory expressing myself in this way. It structures my thoughts, it helps me steady my mind. So I try to do something productive with it and here I am sharing my experience with you.

Bottom line

Think of anything you enjoy doing and give yourself the time to do it. It really has to be something that comes to you quite naturally and isn’t stressful or frustrating. In fact, it doesn’t have to be at all creative in that meaning. It could be as simple as walking down the beach, or gardening, or laughing with your children. It is doing something to channel all the pent up energy so it can be released and transformed into love.

4. It Is OK Not to Be OK

I will illustrate this point with an example. I had to go to the wedding of my partner’s cousin. To put it in one sentence, I have not been the very social type for a good period of time. There are reasons and explanations, and possibly excuses. That aside, the fact is that I find it difficult in social settings of the likes of weddings. On that day I was well prepared, I knew from months before, I have thought of what to wear, etc. Shortly before the wedding I came down with a terrible headache and nausea.

I wanted to lie down before the wedding, but couldn’t because of my toddler refusing to go for his nap. I couldn’t get a moment to clear my thoughts. I became so anxious that I nearly cried and proclaimed to my partner that if my headache didn’t disappear I will not go to the wedding. I felt completely neurotic because of the fact that I wasn’t at my best that day. I couldn’t possibly show myself in public if I wasn’t in a perfect state mentally and physically.

I realized how hard I make it for myself, that I have raised the bar so high for myself that it was almost inevitable to fail. And I was failing in my eyes badly.  I was so affected I gave myself a headache and nausea. My energetic un-ease has manifested physically. And I have set up this trap myself!

Bottom line

It’s OK not to be OK. I wasn’t OK and I wasn’t supposed to hide it. I had lost my sister and I was deeply affected by it. I had to admit to myself that I am less than perfect and that’s perfectly fine. And if I can’t cope with a certain situation that doesn’t automatically mean I am a failure. And that, in fact, I have to admit to myself that I feel fragile and vulnerable, and I need support and help from others.

Final Bottom Line

When you’re going through difficult times it is crucial to take the time and reflect. Look into your feelings and get in touch with those babies. What is the pattern or the theme of your life and how does this experience tie in with the bigger picture? Use the energetic tension inside you and transform it into a positively charged creation. Remember that you don’t have to be perfect all the time and instead of tormenting yourself, give yourself a big hug.

P.S. On the day I finished this article, 15th October 2015, it’s 5 years since my dear mother passed into the higher realms. I dedicate this work to her.

Have you tried to suppress your feelings for far too long? Have you found what soothes your mind and soul? Do you allow yourself to NOT feel OK? Let me know in the comments.


Vilina Christoph is a spiritual writer and uses the power of words to help others on their journey of healing and recovery. She distills challenging life experiences into meaningful lessons and practical wisdom. She believes that finding our voices and speaking our truth empowers us to transform our lives and reach long-lasting fulfillment.

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