I often find myself lost and wandering. I question choices, I search for direction, I grasp for guidance.
Since I was a child I was never able to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence. I battle with doubt every time I need to make a decision or take action.
This could be mentally taxing and emotionally exhausting. The struggle to stay on top and in control of things is real and relentless. If I say or do something, I doubt whether it was the right thing or if I didn’t rush it. If I don’t say or do anything, I’m wondering whether I’m being too passive or too cold. You get the point.
There’s a part in every one of us that just wouldn’t give us a break. There’s this voice in our heads that just won’t shut up for a moment.
This is the so-called critical self that is way too focused on everything we do or don’t and no matter what, it will find a flaw to point out.
Even more frightening is the fact that we often don’t notice that self or voice. We’re so used to the record it’s spinning in our heads that we just assume that’s who we are. We hardly ever question its authority and simply trust it speaks the truth about us.
Next time when you hear the voice judging you, catch it and examine it: Is that who you really are? Would you really call yourself that? Is this really your voice or someone else’s?
Most likely, you’ll figure this voice doesn’t belong to you, that this is not who you are.
More often than not, you’ll recognise it’s a familiar voice from your childhood. It belonged to your mother or father, or another primary caregiver. You’ll realise you’ve absorbed that voice during your early years as a child.
“The voice we speak with to our children (we have been spoken to as children), later becomes their inner voice (our inner voice).”
As children we’re just an open mind and heart with no protection at all, absorbing our environment and assimilating everything within it. We don’t know any different (or better) than our caregivers and what they tell us. We trust them and believe them, we take their words and actions at pure value.
As we grow up into adults, these words and voices are solidified as our go-to thoughts and default behaviours. They are deeply ingrained in our minds and have silently slipped into our subconscious. We can no longer differentiate them from what is true and what isn’t. We move through life led by beliefs which don’t belong to us, often having damaging effects for us and those around.
Criticism was (and still is) often used in the predominant parenting method of my generation. As kids we were seldom praised and showed affection, thus making us believe the only way we could get love is by pleasing others. We learned to look for external approval and seek love outside of ourselves. That way of parenting might have brought some desired short-term results but in essence it has annihilated our innate ability to trust ourselves and move through life with ease.
Being disconnected from our innate wisdom and intuitive resource, we lack trust in our guidance and judgement system. As a result, we’re laden with self-doubt and life is a strain.
When you find yourself stuck in the dark chambers of your mind, questioning and re-thinking your decisions and choices, simply get out of your head. This could mean several things – literally get out in nature and/or connect with your heart centre. Exit your head and enter your body – move, meditate/relax, sleep.
Any activity that is controlled by the right brain – walking, dancing, drawing, exercising, meditation are few examples – will connect you with your intuition and inner wisdom (higher self). Being in this space you will know the answers to your questions and find peace with yourself.
I believe this is the solution to many problems we have. Most of the time we’re stuck in the bundles of our heads, running fictitious scripts and scrutinising ourselves, paralysed and unable to experience life in its fullness.
The answer that we’re looking for is that simple and it lays right on our doorstep:
When in doubt, get out of your head. And get into your body – heart, gut and womb. Connect to nature – mother earth and father sky. That way you access the resources of your higher knowing and you find unlimited potential of creative energy.
Now, you can move forward in life with certainty and ease. Now, you’re unstoppable.1