“If you want to see change in your life, accept it as it is.”
Lately, I find myself wanting yet another change in my life.
I live in a city. About an year ago my family and I moved to Sofia, Bulgaria. It happens to be one of the most polluted capitals in Europe. I’ve started feeling the dust and the dirt of the city polluting my own life and state of mind.
I find myself wanting to move again. I want to go far from the smog, the noise, the cruelty, and the trickery. Our family has suffered a few blows on our property, we’ve been stolen from, and lastly we got in a (mild) car crash with our car being damaged.
I keep wondering, Why is this happening to us? Is it just happening to everyone living in a big city? I tend to think it’s not just happening to us, but also within an year we’ve suffered considerable damages and loss. Why?
Is the Universe sending me signs to just feck off from here? Or am I manifesting this myself with my own thinking and mind? Or, is it both at the same time?
I can spend hours and days banging my head around, searching for answers to these questions. But they are the wrong questions to ask. In fact, there are no questions at all to be asked.
Asking these questions is already defining the answers – yes I need to move, yes I’m manifesting these experiences as a sign to relocate. By asking these questions, I’m already giving myself the answers that I want.
It’s just that I’m also setting up a pattern of challenging experiences with my own negative perception.
By perceiving the environment as hostile and not the best for us – I manifest situations to confirm this belief I hold. By not wanting to be here, I attract experiences that confirm to me I shouldn’t be here.
This is being caught in a cycle where the “not wanting” creates more of what you don’t want. I send the wrong signals, I receive the wrong signs.
Sometimes it really is as simple as that.
The next trap I fall into is to take these experiences as a lesson. I say to myself, “I need to just be strong and deal with the effects. I need to be mature and responsible. I just need to deal with it and not take it so personal. It happens to everybody.”
But in fairness, I don’t want to be dealing with this type of stuff, I don’t want to be putting off fires all the time. (It may not be all the time but it is a fairly consistent pattern.)
And that just sends me off feeling guilty and unable right away. I start feeling as a victim and being weak, and even a failure. I sink into self-pity directly.
I’m wise and experienced enough by now, to know this isn’t the way to go either. Although I still head for these default thought-patterns and behaviours, I catch myself quickly enough. I check myself. And then I know.
The only way to deal with these situations is to be honest and accepting – honest with yourself and accepting of what is.
Yes, I would like to move someday and live surrounded by nature. I am honest with myself and true to my desires.
Yes, these unfortunate things happen to all of us, and I might have some part in manifesting these unconsciously. I forgive myself for not being fully aware and conscious of it.
I accept all this as part of my journey of self-awareness and awakening, of growing and evolving.
When we accept what is and ourselves as we are, we find peace. Within our inner peace, we find the strength we need to move forward. With admitting and accepting our “weaknesses” and “faults” we empower ourselves to continue striving towards our dreams.
Holding this belief in my heart and my mind will guide my towards my home, and it might even be surrounded by nature.