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VILINA CHRISTOPH

A Woman's Story of Healing & Empowerment

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  • Healing & Recovery
  • The Empowered Women Series
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  • Web Wonderland
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  • Healing Verses
  • Rise of the feminine post image
    Healing & Recovery

    The Rise of the Feminine and the next stage of my spiritual journey

    Hello beautiful people at the new Vilina Christoph site! You can read my earlier announcement here. You might’ve noticed that I haven’t posted for the last couple of months. Truth is that this next stage of my spiritual journey has been brewing and hatching. In particular, I moved my blog over from the cosy and automated world of WordPress.com to an independents host which gives me more freedom. The move was ripe since I’ve been planning it for months and just last week it was the right time for that change. Your experience as a reader won’t change but if you’ve been following my journey you will notice some conceptual changes at…

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    Web Wonderland No.2: How to clear past life trauma, create freedom in your life, and put your money into what makes you happy

    12th February 2017
    Moving Towards Joy Image

    Moving towards joy

    7th September 2017
    Jonelle du Pont Interview Image

    Interview with Jonelle du Pont: blogger and writer at Tyranny of Pink

    26th July 2017
  • Self Acceptance Image
    Healing & Recovery

    Acceptance: the path to change

    “If you want to see change in your life, accept it as it is.” Lately, I find myself wanting yet another change in my life. I live in a city. About an year ago my family and I moved to Sofia, Bulgaria. It happens to be one of the most polluted capitals in Europe. I’ve started feeling the dust and the dirt of the city polluting my own life and state of mind. I find myself wanting to move again. I want to go far from the smog, the noise, the cruelty, and the trickery. Our family has suffered a few blows on our property, we’ve been stolen from, and…

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    Setting Free From Past Image

    Setting ourselves free from the pain of the past

    20th June 2018
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    Breaking free of our mental prisons

    9th June 2016
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    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of May

    6th May 2019
  • Coming Out Of The Mud Image
    Healing & Recovery

    Coming out from the mud and continuing onward

    I am grateful for where I am on my journey. I am grateful for the mud I had to come through. I am grateful for the waters that held me while I was rising up. I am grateful for the air that touched my skin upon my resurfacing. I am grateful for the roots that kept me in place. I am grateful for the process, for the journey, for the experience, for my life. On 15th October it was 7 years since the death of my mother. Here’s what I wrote:   I was only 26 at the time. I remember trying to rationalise and intellectualise the shock of her…

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    Finding peace in the midst of a crisis image

    Finding peace in the midst of a crisis

    1st October 2015
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    Interview with Kathy Garland: blogger, writer and inspirational author at Kwoted

    27th June 2018
    Learning To Trust Image

    Learning to trust: connecting to our inner wisdom

    5th May 2016
  • Jonelle du Pont Interview Image
    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Jonelle du Pont: blogger and writer at Tyranny of Pink

    Jonelle is a Mom, Wife, Ostomate, Writer and Community Development Practitioner!  She writes the blog Tyranny of Pink, a blog about intentional living, with a focus on living life positively, purposefully and authentically. In October 2014 she found herself unhappy with her life and the path it was leading her down. She quit her full-time job and decided it was time to do things that make her happy! In September 2015 she had her first child, Oden. His journey into this world nearly killed her. She woke up post-surgery with an unexpected stoma and her whole life completely changed. In that moment, she realised that she was finally living her authentic life and being…

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    Working with the inner child: unleashing unconditional self-love

    23rd March 2017
    Finding peace in the midst of a crisis image

    Finding peace in the midst of a crisis

    1st October 2015
    September astrology vibes and dives image

    September astrology vibes and dives

    14th September 2016
  • Embracing minimalism image
    Spirituality

    The beginning of a new journey: embracing minimalism

    Last time I finished with the promise to tell you what little steps I’ve made recently. What these new breaths of life were inspired by? But first, a teeny bit of a preface. I’ve always been quite organized and orderly with my surroundings. I love clean surfaces and tidy spaces. I’m a fan of decluttering! I didn’t realise this trait in me until I moved in with my partner in our new place a few years ago. The truth is, though, that this place isn’t ours, it’s my partner’s grant aunt’s place, and we’re taking care of it while she’s slowly winding down in a nursing home. We are immensely grateful…

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    The Power Is Within You Image

    The power is within you

    2nd August 2017
    Why Holding Space is so Important Image

    Why holding space is so important in relationships

    11th October 2016
    The shame around being a "bad mother" Image

    The shame around being a “bad mother”

    2nd November 2018
  • A new breath of life image
    Healing & Recovery

    A new breath of life

    Well, it’s been a while… Too many things are happening and too little, I’ve got loads of things I want to write about and share. Funny enough, I’m not getting frustrated at all, as what I would normally do. I do in fact enjoy savouring and simmering (2 of my new favourite words) all the thoughts, ideas, information bits and bytes I’ve gathered along the last few weeks. This is a slow down time for my zodiac sign Virgo and all Virgonians, as we’re hosting two planets in a retrograde mode. Mercury and Jupiter are both slowing us down and giving us the chance to re-think, re-consider, re-organise – you get…

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    My dance with astrology image

    My dance with astrology: on anger, revolutionaries and colouring

    3rd December 2015
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    Why holding space is so important in relationships

    11th October 2016
    Letting go of guilt image

    Letting go of guilt

    29th April 2016
Vilina Christoph Headshot Image

Hello & Welcome

I am Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. I use words to transmute the pain and adversity into fuel for growth and empowerment. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and transform our lives from within. I am passionate about helping women heal, grow and feel empowered to build and live a full authentic life.

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  • A piece of paradise in the northeast of Bulgaria 🏡 We're staying here with the fam till the end of the week, surrounded by farmlands and beaches. This land is one of the very few that have not been touched by developers and builders. In moments and places like this I'm proud to call myself Bulgarian because our land is magical and special, where the money thirst hasn't reached yet. Wishing you all a beautiful week, find some magic for yourselves and soak it up 🌞
  • Such a great post by Nicole @the.holistic.psychologist 🙏🙏🙏 • You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here. Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience. Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime. No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach. I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work. Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs. And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again. Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own. Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers • Reposted from @the.holistic.psychologist
  • Playing with the foliage in my father's garden 🌿 We arrived today at his house with my son to spend a few days before heading to the seaside. I was getting a bit edgy after spending two and a half hot summer months in the city. It was good but it was time for a move before we plunge into school season in September. • Happy Full Moon in Aquarius tomorrow! Wish me fun on my travels, I'll be back in about 10 days 🌴🏖🌴
  • Sometimes I want to be already "healed", I want to feel "ready", I want to be doing everything I've been wanting to be doing. I feel impatient and I want to be "there" already. • However, I've learned to recognise that that's when my ego has takes up the driving seat. But my higher self knows that all that is an illusion. • The healing journey is a process, and not a linear one. Being healed isn't an end destination, it's a never-ending story, we wouldn't be here on earth otherwise. • Readiness is just a way of fooling ourselves that we can't have what we want right now. It's a way of avoiding fear and discomfort. But there is no growth without pain. • This is a reminder to take a step at a time, give thanks for your process and to remember to stop from time to time and enjoy the view from the path you're on. 💚🌿💚
  • ⚡ HIGH STANDARDS AND CRITICALNESS ⚡ • Another core belief/pattern from Schema Therapy is Relentless Standards and Hypercriticalness. It's one that I have and struggle with on daily basis. • In essence, the high standards we have towards ourselves and others usually serve as a compensation for the feeling of low self-worth. The relentless striving to be “perfect” is a way to soothe our feelings of shame, to avoid feeling rejected, or because of fear of failure. Another reason is that we could’ve grown up with critical, perfectionistic parents and that’s what we’ve learned and internalised. • Our high standards can come up as extreme orderliness (being pedantic), orientation towards achieving goals (being a workaholic), or seeking status (external recognition). These different behaviours compensate for different fears we might have. • The truth is that keeping up high standards can come at an extremely high price - most of our energy goes in keeping them and our health and relationships can suffer. Often we feel pressured and burdened by the weight and impossibleness of those standards. • I’ve noticed for myself that I can’t say “I don’t know” - I feel an internal obligation that I have to have the answers. To not know would mean that I’m less of a person, that I’m a failure, or not good enough. But the responsibility I feel is too great and the weight is crushing me. • High standards sap the energy, joy, pleasure, and spontaneity of life. You may achieve perfection according to your high standards but you will not have anything left in you to enjoy it. In fact, you’ll most likely find the next goal and work relentlessly towards that. But you can heal and stop the cycle. • Do you relate? How do you cope with your standards? 💚
  • 🍁 MY EXPERIENCE WITH EMDR 🍁 • The experience of EMDR is difficult to describe with words - it happens on a deep emotional level and words are not even necessary during the process. But I found it very gentle even though it could bring you to the deepest depths of your inner world. • That’s what happened to me - all the three sessions I’ve had so far took me to places I’ve not expected and even thought they exist. As a rule, you start working with a memory you have and then you follow the feelings, thoughts and sensations you feel with your body and mind. You continue following the trail until you usually come across the root, as I see it. • During my second session, I’ve discovered an emotional “tumour” in my chest area and I figured this was all the pain I’ve felt during my childhood years of emotional deprivation and neglect, stored within my body and around my heart. During the last session, towards the end, I found myself in a desert, which I figured was symbolic of how alone and lost I’ve felt as a child. • It was all very powerful and emotional. And even though it is difficult to confront these suppressed feelings, after that we could release the stuck emotions and integrate those painful memories. They become part of our story but no longer have an emotional hold over our present lives. • I’m looking forward to more EMDR sessions with my therapist and I can recommend it to everyone who’s suffered trauma in the past. I’ve read that it’s particularly helpful with a single event traumas and PTSD. Childhood trauma and abuse (and Complex PTSD) could be trickier and you may need to combine more that one healing approach. So far I’m grateful I’ve found EMDR and that it’s helping me with my childhood trauma. We also work with Schema during my therapy. • Have you tried EMDR? What's your experience with it? 🍁
  • I've had my third EMDR session and I'm amazed by its power in assisting healing from trauma. I've selected a few quotes from "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk @thebodykeepsthescore • Like many scientific advances, EMDR originated with a chance observation. One day in 1987 psychologist Francine Shapiro was walking through a park, preoccupied with some painful memories, when she noticed that rapid eye movements produced a dramatic relief from her distress.[..]Initially skeptical about her observation she subjected her method to years of experimentation and research, gradually building it into a standardized procedure that could be taught and tested in controlled studies. • EMDR loosens up something in the mind/brain that gives people rapid access to loosely associated memories and images from their past. This seems to help them put the traumatic experience into a larger context or perspective. • People may be able to heal from trauma without talking about it. EMDR enables them to observe their experiences in a new way, without verbal give-and-take with another person. EMDR can help even if the patient and the therapist do not have a trusting relationship. This was particularly intriguing because trauma, understandably, rarely leaves people with an open, trusting heart. • In contrast, EMDR, as well as the treatments discussed in subsequent chapters—internal family systems, yoga, neurofeedback, psychomotor therapy, and theater—focus not only on regulating the intense memories activated by trauma but also on restoring a sense of agency, engagement, and commitment through ownership of body and mind. • As we’ve seen, traumatic memories persist as split-off, unmodified images, sensations, and feelings. To my mind the most remarkable feature of EMDR is its apparent capacity to activate a series of unsought and seemingly unrelated sensations, emotions, images, and thoughts in conjunction with the original memory. This way of reassembling old information into new packages may be just the way we integrate ordinary, nontraumatic day-to-day experiences. 💚
  • Emotional Deprivation is one of the early maladaptive schemas in Schema Therapy. It is the fundamental belief that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. It usually starts very early before the child is verbal and it crystallises as a deep feeling inside that he/she will never be seen, heard, understood, acknowledged. • It often is described as a feeling of emptiness inside, loneliness, and a lack of something essential. It's a very common condition but often hard to discover and pin down. Partially, this is because emotional neglect as described by many is not the act of commission (as in abuse) but rather the act of omission i.e. the feelings of lack and emptiness. • If you often feel as described above you may have felt emotionally deprived as a child. Your mother (or mother figure) may have not met your emotional needs adequately or consistently. She may have met some needs, like your physical needs, but may not have been attuned to your internal world or provided protection or guidance. • This may lead to unsatisfactory, disappointing and damaging relationship patterns which could only deepen your wounds. Schema Therapy is helpful in understanding the origin and workings of Emotional Deprivation/Neglect. And EMDR therapy could be helpful in working with painful and traumatic memories.
  • Do you feel guilty when you prioritise yourself? Is the guilt that you feel so much that you continually sacrifice your needs to avoid feeling it? • Many of us as Empaths and Highly Sensitive People are more prone to absorb the feelings of others and, naturally, we want to ease these feelings when they’re difficult or painful for the person. It’s a gift and a curse. • If we grew up in a dysfunctional and/or toxic families our natural ability to feel for others helped us to cope and survive. We found purpose in it and something we were good at, and probably praised for. We learned that sacrificing ourselves earned us love. • Most likely the process started as a voluntary act but with time this behaviour turned into our default way of being. Slowly we forgot that we too have needs and learned that to try meet them will cost us too much. It will mean that we’re not good people anymore and that love might be withdrawn from us. • Being an Empath and a HSP is something beautiful but we need to ask ourselves what is the motivation behind our behaviours. Is this something that we do out of true love for others that makes we feel fulfilled? Or is it because we fear that we will lose our influence over others and possibly even their love? Or is it because the feeling of guilt if we don’t fulfil the expectations will be unbearable? • It is a very fine line. Empathy is certainly something to be proud of and can be used in many ways to help others. But if we are coming from abusive and/or traumatic childhoods we need to perform a check on our behaviours. Because if we don’t, we only feed the dysfunction we come from and the cycle of abuse and trauma continues. 💕
  • These are the perceptive words of Shyla from @growhealchange who I had the pleasure to interview for The Empowered Women Series on my blog. The post is up and you can access it through the linktree in the bio or sign up for the newsletter (and receive the 4 Steps of Personal Transformation Guide) to receive healing doses directly in your inbox! • To me Shyla is a shining light and her words not only inspired me to keep going on my healing journey but also gifted me with a vision of what the future might be like. She's a healer at her heart and her story of overcoming trauma, abuse and neglect make her an excellent guide for anyone who wishes to heal, grow and change! • Thanks Shyla for taking the time to share your experience and wisdom, I'm sure it will help many survivors on their paths. And you guys, go check out this lady's account and make sure to read the post. Love, V. 💋
  • Building self-awareness has been my Number One act of self-care. I spend most of my free time learning about why I am the way I am, why I act in the ways I do, how can I do and be better for myself and those around me and who I truly am. • Becoming aware of our shadow, our weaknesses and imperfections can only make us a better version of ourselves and I strive to accept every single part of myself to become the full expression of who I am. Becoming aware of our shortcomings, exiting denial state and accepting full responsibility for our lives is the definition of being empowered. • There’s nothing to fear (you’re more powerful than you think), ignorance is not bliss but suffering (for you and those around you) and self-awareness is the path to healing and self-actualisation. Self-awareness is radical self-care.💕🌠
  • 🌴 MY EXPERIENCE WITH SCHEMA THERAPY 🌴 • As I mentioned in my previous posts, schema therapy was hugely helpful in my treatment. When I first started therapy, I only had suggestions of what might be my “problem” - I’ve self diagnosed with Complex PTSD based on all the books and information I’ve read on (childhood) emotional abuse, neglect and trauma. • When my therapist introduced me to schema therapy, she confirmed my childhood emotional neglect - after some initial tests, I had almost to a 100 % the schema of emotional deprivation. Reading on that gave me an immense clarity about the dynamics I feel in relationships with people in general. • In my childhood I didn’t receive the necessary nurturance, warmth, support, encouragement and guidance. I was looked after materially but emotionally I was deprived - my emotions and needs were overlooked and I internalised this parental behaviour (or omission of such) as “I will never receive the love I need”. Thus, the subconscious belief that my basic need to be loved, nurtured and cared about by others as I am, will never be met and I will end up disappointed, hurt and rejected. • On top of emotional deprivation, I also have the schemas of self-sacrifice, relentless standards and shame. We do usually have a few other ones on the side of our main “issue”. That said, learning about those - where they come from, why and how they develop, we can start unlearning the damaging, self-defeating behaviours that perpetuate the false beliefs about ourselves. We can begin seeing ourselves in clarity and with purity. We start gaining a sense of who we truly are before we had to become somebody else in order to survive our traumatic childhoods. 💕 For information on Schema Therapy check out http://www.schematherapy.com/ • Image @losst Words @vilina.christoph

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Recent Posts

  • Shyla Cash Interview ImageInterview with Shyla Cash: Narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect survivor, and a coach at Grow Heal Change
  • Childhood Emotional Neglect ImageChildhood emotional neglect – the hidden root of my pain
  • Tanya Amidei Interview ImageInterview with Tanya Amidei: Sexual abuse survivor, life coach and a spiritual writer
  • My Pain is My Power ImageMy Pain is My Power
  • The Wonder List June ImageThe Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of June
  • Dari Frampton Interview ImageInterview with Dari Frampton: A woman on a journey of transformation, healing & discovering her true self

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  • A piece of paradise in the northeast of Bulgaria 🏡 We're staying here with the fam till the end of the week, surrounded by farmlands and beaches. This land is one of the very few that have not been touched by developers and builders. In moments and places like this I'm proud to call myself Bulgarian because our land is magical and special, where the money thirst hasn't reached yet. Wishing you all a beautiful week, find some magic for yourselves and soak it up 🌞
  • Such a great post by Nicole @the.holistic.psychologist 🙏🙏🙏 • You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here. Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience. Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime. No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach. I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work. Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs. And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again. Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own. Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers • Reposted from @the.holistic.psychologist
  • Playing with the foliage in my father's garden 🌿 We arrived today at his house with my son to spend a few days before heading to the seaside. I was getting a bit edgy after spending two and a half hot summer months in the city. It was good but it was time for a move before we plunge into school season in September. • Happy Full Moon in Aquarius tomorrow! Wish me fun on my travels, I'll be back in about 10 days 🌴🏖🌴
  • Sometimes I want to be already "healed", I want to feel "ready", I want to be doing everything I've been wanting to be doing. I feel impatient and I want to be "there" already. • However, I've learned to recognise that that's when my ego has takes up the driving seat. But my higher self knows that all that is an illusion. • The healing journey is a process, and not a linear one. Being healed isn't an end destination, it's a never-ending story, we wouldn't be here on earth otherwise. • Readiness is just a way of fooling ourselves that we can't have what we want right now. It's a way of avoiding fear and discomfort. But there is no growth without pain. • This is a reminder to take a step at a time, give thanks for your process and to remember to stop from time to time and enjoy the view from the path you're on. 💚🌿💚
  • ⚡ HIGH STANDARDS AND CRITICALNESS ⚡ • Another core belief/pattern from Schema Therapy is Relentless Standards and Hypercriticalness. It's one that I have and struggle with on daily basis. • In essence, the high standards we have towards ourselves and others usually serve as a compensation for the feeling of low self-worth. The relentless striving to be “perfect” is a way to soothe our feelings of shame, to avoid feeling rejected, or because of fear of failure. Another reason is that we could’ve grown up with critical, perfectionistic parents and that’s what we’ve learned and internalised. • Our high standards can come up as extreme orderliness (being pedantic), orientation towards achieving goals (being a workaholic), or seeking status (external recognition). These different behaviours compensate for different fears we might have. • The truth is that keeping up high standards can come at an extremely high price - most of our energy goes in keeping them and our health and relationships can suffer. Often we feel pressured and burdened by the weight and impossibleness of those standards. • I’ve noticed for myself that I can’t say “I don’t know” - I feel an internal obligation that I have to have the answers. To not know would mean that I’m less of a person, that I’m a failure, or not good enough. But the responsibility I feel is too great and the weight is crushing me. • High standards sap the energy, joy, pleasure, and spontaneity of life. You may achieve perfection according to your high standards but you will not have anything left in you to enjoy it. In fact, you’ll most likely find the next goal and work relentlessly towards that. But you can heal and stop the cycle. • Do you relate? How do you cope with your standards? 💚
  • 🍁 MY EXPERIENCE WITH EMDR 🍁 • The experience of EMDR is difficult to describe with words - it happens on a deep emotional level and words are not even necessary during the process. But I found it very gentle even though it could bring you to the deepest depths of your inner world. • That’s what happened to me - all the three sessions I’ve had so far took me to places I’ve not expected and even thought they exist. As a rule, you start working with a memory you have and then you follow the feelings, thoughts and sensations you feel with your body and mind. You continue following the trail until you usually come across the root, as I see it. • During my second session, I’ve discovered an emotional “tumour” in my chest area and I figured this was all the pain I’ve felt during my childhood years of emotional deprivation and neglect, stored within my body and around my heart. During the last session, towards the end, I found myself in a desert, which I figured was symbolic of how alone and lost I’ve felt as a child. • It was all very powerful and emotional. And even though it is difficult to confront these suppressed feelings, after that we could release the stuck emotions and integrate those painful memories. They become part of our story but no longer have an emotional hold over our present lives. • I’m looking forward to more EMDR sessions with my therapist and I can recommend it to everyone who’s suffered trauma in the past. I’ve read that it’s particularly helpful with a single event traumas and PTSD. Childhood trauma and abuse (and Complex PTSD) could be trickier and you may need to combine more that one healing approach. So far I’m grateful I’ve found EMDR and that it’s helping me with my childhood trauma. We also work with Schema during my therapy. • Have you tried EMDR? What's your experience with it? 🍁
  • I've had my third EMDR session and I'm amazed by its power in assisting healing from trauma. I've selected a few quotes from "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk @thebodykeepsthescore • Like many scientific advances, EMDR originated with a chance observation. One day in 1987 psychologist Francine Shapiro was walking through a park, preoccupied with some painful memories, when she noticed that rapid eye movements produced a dramatic relief from her distress.[..]Initially skeptical about her observation she subjected her method to years of experimentation and research, gradually building it into a standardized procedure that could be taught and tested in controlled studies. • EMDR loosens up something in the mind/brain that gives people rapid access to loosely associated memories and images from their past. This seems to help them put the traumatic experience into a larger context or perspective. • People may be able to heal from trauma without talking about it. EMDR enables them to observe their experiences in a new way, without verbal give-and-take with another person. EMDR can help even if the patient and the therapist do not have a trusting relationship. This was particularly intriguing because trauma, understandably, rarely leaves people with an open, trusting heart. • In contrast, EMDR, as well as the treatments discussed in subsequent chapters—internal family systems, yoga, neurofeedback, psychomotor therapy, and theater—focus not only on regulating the intense memories activated by trauma but also on restoring a sense of agency, engagement, and commitment through ownership of body and mind. • As we’ve seen, traumatic memories persist as split-off, unmodified images, sensations, and feelings. To my mind the most remarkable feature of EMDR is its apparent capacity to activate a series of unsought and seemingly unrelated sensations, emotions, images, and thoughts in conjunction with the original memory. This way of reassembling old information into new packages may be just the way we integrate ordinary, nontraumatic day-to-day experiences. 💚
  • Emotional Deprivation is one of the early maladaptive schemas in Schema Therapy. It is the fundamental belief that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. It usually starts very early before the child is verbal and it crystallises as a deep feeling inside that he/she will never be seen, heard, understood, acknowledged. • It often is described as a feeling of emptiness inside, loneliness, and a lack of something essential. It's a very common condition but often hard to discover and pin down. Partially, this is because emotional neglect as described by many is not the act of commission (as in abuse) but rather the act of omission i.e. the feelings of lack and emptiness. • If you often feel as described above you may have felt emotionally deprived as a child. Your mother (or mother figure) may have not met your emotional needs adequately or consistently. She may have met some needs, like your physical needs, but may not have been attuned to your internal world or provided protection or guidance. • This may lead to unsatisfactory, disappointing and damaging relationship patterns which could only deepen your wounds. Schema Therapy is helpful in understanding the origin and workings of Emotional Deprivation/Neglect. And EMDR therapy could be helpful in working with painful and traumatic memories.

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