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Healing From Trauma & Abuse

Learning to trust: connecting to our inner wisdom

In February I wrote about the small steps that me and my family are taking, and the changes coming from that. Now, a few months later, things are still moving forward and there’s much progress. In this post I’d like to revisit and recap all that started at the beginning of this year.

Perhaps the most significant area in our lives as a family was our housing situation. The house we live in and are taking care of is about to be announced for sale. When my partner’s grant aunt died earlier in January we knew our boat is to be rocked. But we’ve already started on the process of getting ready to move out.

Still, we don’t know when or whether the house is going to sell but we know we can’t wait for too long before finding a new place to live. In fact, all we know is that we do want to move and find a new place for us. We’re already looking but, more importantly, we’re zooming in on what is that we really want our future accommodation and location to be. We’re much clearer in our preferences and to certain extend – this will make the realisation of our desires manifest easier.

The location of our new place is very much tied in with where my partner is going to work as well. And I’m glad to say that he’s starting a new collaboration which will hopefully transpire into a permanent cooperation! And honestly, this was a huge one. My partner has been freelancing since he graduated college some 12 years ago but we recently discover that this actually puts a lot of pressure on everyone in the family. Simply, freelancing is great but I believe it’s more suitable for people with no family obligations or perhaps when children have grown up.

So yesterday two big things happened – the real estate agents came to take photos of the house to be advertised next week; later on in the afternoon my partner went to do his first hours in the new place of work.

And I have to admit – although last week was rough in terms of getting the house repainted and tidied up for the photoshoot and also my son being taken down by a second episode of tonsillitis for the last 2 months – almost instantly, when everybody left the house, I felt calmer. It’s like somebody took a ton-heavy rock off my shoulders! In myself, I am amazed by the effect of these events.

And even though we don’t have all the answers, I trust that it’s all happening and everything we want is within our reach. In a way, we already have it in ourselves – we just need to do a bit more chiselling.

Some of the other things I had on my mind in the dawn of this year are also in progress. I’ve certainly allowed myself to enlist some help – I’m seeing a psychotherapist every week and I’ve also dedicated the next 2 months and a half to take care of my physical state too e.g. going for a massage and touch therapy every other week.

I’m giving my body and my soul what they want – little portions, like when you start weaning your baby, but enough to strike a greater appetite for life in me. And although I do want more and lots of it, I’m conscious not to confuse greediness (ego) with how much I can actually take. Like in weaning, you increase the portions and the frequency gradually. I know I’m building my resilience slowly and although I still feel unstable and easily overwhelmed, I believe these small spoons will feed my courage and spirit strong.

What helped me much in my process is the understanding of allowing yourself to trust and have faith – I don’t think I’ve fully known the meaning of it until recently. By allowing myself to look for and open up myself for support, valuable information came my way in a time when I was primed for it. The impact of that is massive and I can see that I don’t really need to figure anything out, that I don’t need to spend much more energy on finding out how. That I don’t need to change anything or anyone.

I’m understanding that I need to take care of myself properly by allowing myself to take and do what I need. By giving myself permission to feel taken care of (by myself first and others second) I am discovering this part of me that already has all the knowledge and all the love and support that I need. I’m learning to see and trust inside of me. I’m learning that I already know who I am and what I want to do with my life.

I’m learning how to access this wisdom.

And I know everything else will follow and align accordingly.

Do you feel connected to your inner wisdom? Have you learned to access it on everyday basis? Let me know in the comments.

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Vilina Christoph is a writer and unofficially calls herself a word alchemist. She writes about her journey of healing from trauma and abuse to raise the awareness around the importance of mental and emotional health. She believes that finding our voices and speaking up our truth can helps us transmute our pain and transform our lives.

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