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VILINA CHRISTOPH

A Woman's Story of Healing & Empowerment

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  • Home
  • About
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Healing & Recovery
  • The Empowered Women Series
  • The Wonder List
  • Web Wonderland
  • Spirituality
  • Healing Verses
  • Moving Towards Joy Image
    Healing & Recovery

    Moving towards joy

    Recently I’ve been feeling the need to move away from trauma and focus more on joy. And what that internal feeling symbolises is that my being is ready to shift from one vibration to another. I am aligning myself with the vibration of joy. Until now, even if I’ve wanted more joy in my life and tried to attain it, I wasn’t aligned with it vibrationally since I was anchored in a lot of pain. For the last two years I’ve been actively soul-searching and self-querying. This month is full two years since I came back to writing after a long pause. Since then I’ve done major inner excavation work.…

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    Heal yourself, heal the world

    27th March 2018
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    The anatomy of desire and manifesting

    28th September 2017
    The shame around being a "bad mother" Image

    The shame around being a “bad mother”

    2nd November 2018
  • Being Grateful for Another Year Image
    Healing & Recovery

    Here and now: being grateful for another year

    Happy New Year 2017! This is a year which numerologically is a year 1 (2+0+1+7=10=1): new beginnings, new stories, new creations and changes on individual level, and more or less globally. The focus is being turned within, not outside of us. Internally we will find the power and courage to change what doesn’t serve us externally. By turning to our cores and setting up a life that supports our values, we will externally project love, strength and unconditional intention to better our collective world. Don’t be afraid (or feeling guilty) to look into you and be committed to your own process of enlightenment. Your light needs to be fostered, nurtured…

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    Embracing minimalism image

    The beginning of a new journey: embracing minimalism

    28th January 2016
    Working With The Inner Child Image2

    Working with the inner child: illuminations and release

    1st June 2017
    Why Holding Space is so Important Image

    Why holding space is so important in relationships

    11th October 2016
  • New Beginnings 2.0 Image
    Healing & Recovery

    New Beginnings 2.0

    Hello again! I wanted to touch base with you all since it’s been a while. I’m back at my home country, this time with all the members of my small gang. We did take a big trip across Europe – from Ireland to Bulgaria. It took us two weeks to drive from the most western country to the most eastern country, considered parts of Europe. We drove and took two ferries – one from Ireland to the UK and from there to the Netherlands. From then on we passed through Germany, Austria, Hungary, Serbia and Bulgaria. We were spending two nights in each city we visited, namely Rotterdam, Cologne, Munich, Vienna, Budapest,…

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    Letting go of guilt

    29th April 2016
    Look How Far You've Come Image

    “Look how far you’ve come!”

    21st October 2016
    Sacred Mothering Image

    Sacred Mothering: how to be a soulful mother on a spiritual path

    23rd November 2017
  • Learning To Trust Image
    Healing & Recovery

    Learning to trust: connecting to our inner wisdom

    In February I wrote about the small steps that me and my family are taking, and the changes coming from that. Now, a few months later, things are still moving forward and there’s much progress. In this post I’d like to revisit and recap all that started at the beginning of this year. Perhaps the most significant area in our lives as a family was our housing situation. The house we live in and are taking care of is about to be announced for sale. When my partner’s grant aunt died earlier in January we knew our boat is to be rocked. But we’ve already started on the process of getting…

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    September astrology vibes and dives

    14th September 2016
    Coming Out Of The Mud Image

    Coming out from the mud and continuing onward

    16th October 2017
    Finding peace in the midst of a crisis image

    Finding peace in the midst of a crisis

    1st October 2015
  • Taking the first steps image
    Spirituality

    Taking the first steps

    The first steps have been taken. In fact, we’ve been making them for the last few weeks. We’ve been decluttering our house constantly and continually – we’ve brought tens of bags to the charity shops (plus small furniture items), we’ve recycled a couple of bags with old and unused electronics, and we’ve managed to put aside a couple of hundred euros from selling stuff. The house feels lighter and calmer. So do we – our small family of three. I mentioned last time that we’re taking care of the house (about 3 1/2 years now) while the owner, my partner’s grant aunt, is slowly winding down in a nursing home. Well,…

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    Year 2015: what it brought to my family and what it taught me

    16th December 2015
    Rewriting My Story Image

    Rewriting my story in a radical self-forgiveness context

    25th May 2016
    Reclaiming our wholeness image

    Reclaiming our wholeness

    17th March 2016
  • Embracing minimalism image
    Spirituality

    The beginning of a new journey: embracing minimalism

    Last time I finished with the promise to tell you what little steps I’ve made recently. What these new breaths of life were inspired by? But first, a teeny bit of a preface. I’ve always been quite organized and orderly with my surroundings. I love clean surfaces and tidy spaces. I’m a fan of decluttering! I didn’t realise this trait in me until I moved in with my partner in our new place a few years ago. The truth is, though, that this place isn’t ours, it’s my partner’s grant aunt’s place, and we’re taking care of it while she’s slowly winding down in a nursing home. We are immensely grateful…

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    Web Wonderland No.1 Image

    Web Wonderland No.1: How to heal childhood trauma, speak with confidence and say “yes” to everything

    5th February 2017
    A new breath of life image

    A new breath of life

    21st January 2016
    How childhood trauma robs away your power image

    How childhood trauma robs your power away and how to take it back

    15th November 2018
  • A new breath of life image
    Healing & Recovery

    A new breath of life

    Well, it’s been a while… Too many things are happening and too little, I’ve got loads of things I want to write about and share. Funny enough, I’m not getting frustrated at all, as what I would normally do. I do in fact enjoy savouring and simmering (2 of my new favourite words) all the thoughts, ideas, information bits and bytes I’ve gathered along the last few weeks. This is a slow down time for my zodiac sign Virgo and all Virgonians, as we’re hosting two planets in a retrograde mode. Mercury and Jupiter are both slowing us down and giving us the chance to re-think, re-consider, re-organise – you get…

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    What I learned from my physical and mental instability episode

    18th July 2018
    Accepting Our Shadow Image

    Accepting our shadow as a way back to wholeness

    6th June 2018
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    Breaking free of our mental prisons

    9th June 2016
Vilina Christoph Headshot Image

Hello & Welcome

I am Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. I use words to transmute the pain and adversity into fuel for growth and empowerment. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and transform our lives from within. I am passionate about helping women heal, grow and feel empowered to build and live a full authentic life.

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  • 🌱 WHAT PERSONAL GROWTH & HEALING FROM TRAUMA FEELS & LOOKS LIKE 🌱
.
The accelerated pace in my healing journey continues as I mentioned in a recent post. I feel that an integration of past wounds and trauma is occurring at a speedy level, too.
.
The more the fragmented "exiled" parts of ourselves are being integrated back into our wholeness, the more energy is freed up for focus and progress. The more the pieces of our stories start to make sense and we put them into a coherent story. And we're not so much being drowned in it, we're coming at a surface level and we're able to look in retrospect.
.
We're able to distinguish ourselves from our past mistakes and failures, and see ourselves in truth for who we are. We are able to find even forgiveness, one that has been out of reach for so long maybe.
.
One of the most significant parts of the healing journey and growth is the welcoming back of your inner child. Reparenting is at the core of healing childhood trauma.
.
Not to mention the massive awareness you've developed and a deep understanding for the human condition.
.
Now is the time when you start perceiving your true purpose, something that has also been obscured from you for so long. But you've also learned patience and that timing is important. Your purpose is not going to run away from you.
.
Opportunities will show up and little by little you'll gain back confidence, zest and desire for life.
.
May you be free on your healing journey and growth 🌋🌋
  • Here is a gentle reminder and a loving note for You from your Loving Self 💕 Have a gorgeous weekend!
..
Via @gratefulness.me
  • Hey everyone, it's been almost a month since my last post so I thought I'd better make an appearance. I'm still here and haven't abandoned my account. The truth is that I had a real busy and tough time the past... well, month and a half to be exact. On Wednesday I had a mini breakdown and I was quite close to a burnout. But I'm better after I had some long sleep last night and couple of naps the last two days.
..
We've moved apartment (and neighbourhood), the "usual" school troubles are back, son and I were sick, and I've had to do with various admin bits, plus a job offer. Does life just happens all at once, all of a sudden or is it just me?
..
Honestly, I had to draw many conclusions and take into account the ways in which I act. I believe there are ways to achieve what we want without exhausting ourselves fully and I'm learning to be smarter in the future. Fact is that things DO happen the way we want but also we have to pay the price, if we're not smart.
..
So that was a quick hello from me 👋😊 How have you been? ~V. ❤️
  • Oh Boy! The past three weeks have officially been the most intense for the whole year. But today is my birthday and I feel grateful for everything in my life and for life itself. I'm grateful for the people who appreciate me, who love me, who think of me. We don't need much in life at all. Sometimes a good book and a glass of colourful drink (especially when they colour match) is what makes us take a deep bow. Thank You Life ❤️
  • 💔 GRIEF (AGAIN) 💔
I want to share a bit about my experience of grief and how essential the process of grieving is.
•
I had wonderful time while on holidays but on some days I felt excruciating sadness and pain, aka grief. Of course, my first thoughts, product of my critical voice, were why now, why again, have I not cried enough already, have I not shed the pain yet, why do I still feel like this?... I really wish I was "over it" but trauma and healing are two unpredictable and uncontrollable experiences. You HAVE TO SURRENDER to the feelings.
•
On the other hand, those very feelings and emotions are the ones that will carry you over and heal you eventually. The more you try to suppress them, the more persistent they will be. I had to overcome the guilt and shame of still "feeling like this" and accept things as they are. I still feel pain, I still hurt, I'm still carrying trauma. I had to allow for the process and let go of control.
•
It was difficult to let myself be seen like this, to drop the guard and the walls of protection and strength, to be vulnerable and feel exposed. But a part of me needed this, the part of me that's still hurting. That part needs validation and acknowledgement, it needs me to accept and allow it fully. If it needs to cry - it needs to cry and I need to allow it. If it needs to feel sad - it needs it and I need to allow it.
•
This is the process of true grieving. My inner child needs me and I need to grief for everything I've missed on as a child. Moving forward won't happen if I don't let the grieving to occur, no matter how much and how long it takes. There's no other way forward than acknowledging your pain and feeling all the feelings of grief.
•
Do you resonate? ❤
•
📷 @nymphana_ ✌
  • Back from holidays now and settling in the city again while prepping for the school year to begin. Every time I take a break from social media it makes me think what I really want to do with my account. And, first, I felt I wanted to thank everyone who's sticking around when I'm not posting regularly and who's here and appreciating the content. I'm still on this journey of healing and I will continue sharing valuable information that I've found helpful. I want the healing of our traumas to become a revolutionary movement and I believe it slowly is. So many of us are waking up and willing to transform and transmute their pain, not just pass it on. I'm excited to be here, to live now and be a part of a global community of (self) healers. 💕
To you, to us - onwards! V. 💋
  • A piece of paradise in the northeast of Bulgaria 🏡 We're staying here with the fam till the end of the week, surrounded by farmlands and beaches. This land is one of the very few that have not been touched by developers and builders. In moments and places like this I'm proud to call myself Bulgarian because our land is magical and special, where the money thirst hasn't reached yet. Wishing you all a beautiful week, find some magic for yourselves and soak it up 🌞
  • Such a great post by Nicole @the.holistic.psychologist 🙏🙏🙏
•
You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here.

Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience.

Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime.

No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach.

I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work.

Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs.  And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again.

Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own.

Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers
•
Reposted from @the.holistic.psychologist
  • Playing with the foliage in my father's garden 🌿 We arrived today at his house with my son to spend a few days before heading to the seaside. I was getting a bit edgy after spending two and a half hot summer months in the city. It was good but it was time for a move before we plunge into school season in September.
•
Happy Full Moon in Aquarius tomorrow! Wish me fun on my travels, I'll be back in about 10 days 🌴🏖🌴
  • Sometimes I want to be already "healed", I want to feel "ready", I want to be doing everything I've been wanting to be doing. I feel impatient and I want to be "there" already.
•
However, I've learned to recognise that that's when my ego has takes up the driving seat. But my higher self knows that all that is an illusion.
•
The healing journey is a process, and not a linear one. Being healed isn't an end destination, it's a never-ending story, we wouldn't be here on earth otherwise.
•
Readiness is just a way of fooling ourselves that we can't have what we want right now. It's a way of avoiding fear and discomfort. But there is no growth without pain.
•
This is a reminder to take a step at a time, give thanks for your process and to remember to stop from time to time and enjoy the view from the path you're on. 💚🌿💚
  • ⚡ HIGH STANDARDS AND CRITICALNESS ⚡
•
Another core belief/pattern from Schema Therapy is Relentless Standards and Hypercriticalness. It's one that I have and struggle with on daily basis.
•
In essence, the high standards we have towards ourselves and others usually serve as a compensation for the feeling of low self-worth. The relentless striving to be “perfect” is a way to soothe our feelings of shame, to avoid feeling rejected, or because of fear of failure. Another reason is that we could’ve grown up with critical, perfectionistic parents and that’s what we’ve learned and internalised.
•
Our high standards can come up as extreme orderliness (being pedantic), orientation towards achieving goals (being a workaholic), or seeking status (external recognition). These different behaviours compensate for different fears we might have.
•
The truth is that keeping up high standards can come at an extremely high price - most of our energy goes in keeping them and our health and relationships can suffer. Often we feel pressured and burdened by the weight and impossibleness of those standards.
•
I’ve noticed for myself that I can’t say “I don’t know” - I feel an internal obligation that I have to have the answers. To not know would mean that I’m less of a person, that I’m a failure, or not good enough. But the responsibility I feel is too great and the weight is crushing me.
•
High standards sap the energy, joy, pleasure, and spontaneity of life. You may achieve perfection according to your high standards but you will not have anything left in you to enjoy it. In fact, you’ll most likely find the next goal and work relentlessly towards that. But you can heal and stop the cycle.
•
Do you relate? How do you cope with your standards? 💚
  • 🍁 MY EXPERIENCE WITH EMDR 🍁
•
The experience of EMDR is difficult to describe with words - it happens on a deep emotional level and words are not even necessary during the process. But I found it very gentle even though it could bring you to the deepest depths of your inner world.
•
That’s what happened to me - all the three sessions I’ve had so far took me to places I’ve not expected and even thought they exist. As a rule, you start working with a memory you have and then you follow the feelings, thoughts and sensations you feel with your body and mind. You continue following the trail until you usually come across the root, as I see it.
•
During my second session, I’ve discovered an emotional “tumour” in my chest area and I figured this was all the pain I’ve felt during my childhood years of emotional deprivation and neglect, stored within my body and around my heart. During the last session, towards the end, I found myself in a desert, which I figured was symbolic of how alone and lost I’ve felt as a child.
•
It was all very powerful and emotional. And even though it is difficult to confront these suppressed feelings, after that we could release the stuck emotions and integrate those painful memories. They become part of our story but no longer have an emotional hold over our present lives.
•
I’m looking forward to more EMDR sessions with my therapist and I can recommend it to everyone who’s suffered trauma in the past. I’ve read that it’s particularly helpful with a single event traumas and PTSD. Childhood trauma and abuse (and Complex PTSD) could be trickier and you may need to combine more that one healing approach. So far I’m grateful I’ve found EMDR and that it’s helping me with my childhood trauma. We also work with Schema during my therapy.
•
Have you tried EMDR? What's your experience with it? 🍁

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  • 🌱 WHAT PERSONAL GROWTH & HEALING FROM TRAUMA FEELS & LOOKS LIKE 🌱
.
The accelerated pace in my healing journey continues as I mentioned in a recent post. I feel that an integration of past wounds and trauma is occurring at a speedy level, too.
.
The more the fragmented "exiled" parts of ourselves are being integrated back into our wholeness, the more energy is freed up for focus and progress. The more the pieces of our stories start to make sense and we put them into a coherent story. And we're not so much being drowned in it, we're coming at a surface level and we're able to look in retrospect.
.
We're able to distinguish ourselves from our past mistakes and failures, and see ourselves in truth for who we are. We are able to find even forgiveness, one that has been out of reach for so long maybe.
.
One of the most significant parts of the healing journey and growth is the welcoming back of your inner child. Reparenting is at the core of healing childhood trauma.
.
Not to mention the massive awareness you've developed and a deep understanding for the human condition.
.
Now is the time when you start perceiving your true purpose, something that has also been obscured from you for so long. But you've also learned patience and that timing is important. Your purpose is not going to run away from you.
.
Opportunities will show up and little by little you'll gain back confidence, zest and desire for life.
.
May you be free on your healing journey and growth 🌋🌋
  • Here is a gentle reminder and a loving note for You from your Loving Self 💕 Have a gorgeous weekend!
..
Via @gratefulness.me
  • Hey everyone, it's been almost a month since my last post so I thought I'd better make an appearance. I'm still here and haven't abandoned my account. The truth is that I had a real busy and tough time the past... well, month and a half to be exact. On Wednesday I had a mini breakdown and I was quite close to a burnout. But I'm better after I had some long sleep last night and couple of naps the last two days.
..
We've moved apartment (and neighbourhood), the "usual" school troubles are back, son and I were sick, and I've had to do with various admin bits, plus a job offer. Does life just happens all at once, all of a sudden or is it just me?
..
Honestly, I had to draw many conclusions and take into account the ways in which I act. I believe there are ways to achieve what we want without exhausting ourselves fully and I'm learning to be smarter in the future. Fact is that things DO happen the way we want but also we have to pay the price, if we're not smart.
..
So that was a quick hello from me 👋😊 How have you been? ~V. ❤️
  • Oh Boy! The past three weeks have officially been the most intense for the whole year. But today is my birthday and I feel grateful for everything in my life and for life itself. I'm grateful for the people who appreciate me, who love me, who think of me. We don't need much in life at all. Sometimes a good book and a glass of colourful drink (especially when they colour match) is what makes us take a deep bow. Thank You Life ❤️
  • 💔 GRIEF (AGAIN) 💔
I want to share a bit about my experience of grief and how essential the process of grieving is.
•
I had wonderful time while on holidays but on some days I felt excruciating sadness and pain, aka grief. Of course, my first thoughts, product of my critical voice, were why now, why again, have I not cried enough already, have I not shed the pain yet, why do I still feel like this?... I really wish I was "over it" but trauma and healing are two unpredictable and uncontrollable experiences. You HAVE TO SURRENDER to the feelings.
•
On the other hand, those very feelings and emotions are the ones that will carry you over and heal you eventually. The more you try to suppress them, the more persistent they will be. I had to overcome the guilt and shame of still "feeling like this" and accept things as they are. I still feel pain, I still hurt, I'm still carrying trauma. I had to allow for the process and let go of control.
•
It was difficult to let myself be seen like this, to drop the guard and the walls of protection and strength, to be vulnerable and feel exposed. But a part of me needed this, the part of me that's still hurting. That part needs validation and acknowledgement, it needs me to accept and allow it fully. If it needs to cry - it needs to cry and I need to allow it. If it needs to feel sad - it needs it and I need to allow it.
•
This is the process of true grieving. My inner child needs me and I need to grief for everything I've missed on as a child. Moving forward won't happen if I don't let the grieving to occur, no matter how much and how long it takes. There's no other way forward than acknowledging your pain and feeling all the feelings of grief.
•
Do you resonate? ❤
•
📷 @nymphana_ ✌
  • Back from holidays now and settling in the city again while prepping for the school year to begin. Every time I take a break from social media it makes me think what I really want to do with my account. And, first, I felt I wanted to thank everyone who's sticking around when I'm not posting regularly and who's here and appreciating the content. I'm still on this journey of healing and I will continue sharing valuable information that I've found helpful. I want the healing of our traumas to become a revolutionary movement and I believe it slowly is. So many of us are waking up and willing to transform and transmute their pain, not just pass it on. I'm excited to be here, to live now and be a part of a global community of (self) healers. 💕
To you, to us - onwards! V. 💋
  • A piece of paradise in the northeast of Bulgaria 🏡 We're staying here with the fam till the end of the week, surrounded by farmlands and beaches. This land is one of the very few that have not been touched by developers and builders. In moments and places like this I'm proud to call myself Bulgarian because our land is magical and special, where the money thirst hasn't reached yet. Wishing you all a beautiful week, find some magic for yourselves and soak it up 🌞
  • Such a great post by Nicole @the.holistic.psychologist 🙏🙏🙏
•
You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here.

Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience.

Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime.

No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach.

I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work.

Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs.  And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again.

Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own.

Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers
•
Reposted from @the.holistic.psychologist

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© 2015-2019 Vilina Christoph