Thoughts on Self Love Image
Trauma Healing

Thoughts on self-love

The other day I decided to dig a little deeper and find some answers to some clear questions.

I’ve identified that my main “issues” have to do with my worth, or how I value myself.

Do I believe I am worthy and deserving? And if not, why?

I figured that the areas of life where I struggle most are:

  1. people e.g. creating meaningful connections with other human beings, and
  2. money e.g. creating financial stability and wealth in general, not just money.

Why is it hard to experience pure loving relationships with people?

And why is it hard to attract money and have financial wealth?

Both questions together – Why is is hard to receive love and material benefits? Why do I subconsciously block that out?

Can you already guess the answer? It isn’t that complicated really.

These areas in my life reflect how I feel about myself, how I view myself, what do I believe myself to be, how I value myself. And the answer isn’t great because it’s close to “self-annihilation”, sort of speak.

How I feel about myself – not very positive or friendly.

How I view myself – not that fondly, either.

What do I believe myself to be – not that good at all.

How I value myself – not too high, I’m afraid.

It’s almost frightening when we’re that honest with ourselves.

But I know why I am so ruthless with myself and I know it isn’t a conscious deed of myself.

I very clearly saw myself as a little girl and what my experiences were in my home. The movie went through my mind and I understood what the situation is. I already knew on some level, anyway.

This time I wanted to know what I can do about it. And the answer instantly came to me.

So here are some suggestions and ideas on how we can heal the patterns and beliefs we’ve taken from our childhood, through self-love:

  • by unconditionally loving yourself
  • by looking after and caring  for yourself
  • by seeing yourself for who you are and standing behind your truth
  • by encouraging your strengths, desires and dreams
  • by providing, holding, space for dealing with your weakness
  • by being non-judgmental and uncritical – fully allowing yourself to express yourself freely
  • by allowing yourself to go through difficult feelings – space and time to feel them and let them run through without suppressing
  • by cheering up yourself, cheerleading and celebrating every small or big accomplishment & achievement
  • by simply listening to your inner voice without trying to fix anything

I was basically asking myself, What do I wish my parents were like when I was small? What would I love them to have said to me and taught me? What did I need from them in order to grow up a loving, wealthy, content and giving person?

And knowing this, we need to give it to ourselves. We need to catch our self-destructive thoughts and behaviours and talk to ourselves in a loving, supportive and encouraging way, even when we think we’ve made a mistake, the way we would’ve wanted our parents to be there for us.

For example, last night I wasn’t feeling that well. I’ve allowed myself to be affected by some negative thoughts, I was stressed and tired and deflated. I noticed I was angry and frustrated and blamed all external factors. So I was going on in my head like, Oh, it just because this happened, and Well, it will pass and it will be better tomorrow, and stuff like that.

But what I noticed was that, besides confirming the situation in my head by saying those things, I was also looking at myself at a specific angle. Like something wasn’t quite right with me – even though I was trying to console and be kind to myself, I was still judging myself. By thinking I could be some other better way, by justifying the way I was feeling.

I was still viewing myself slightly externally, still expecting myself to be in a different way. And all this was coming from my head, this voice in my head which I figured isn’t actually me, but my critical self and parent-self.

Instantly I decided to shift this talk and say to myself what I’d like to hear from my unconditionally loving self – my Higher Self. Things like, You’re really trying hard and you’ve really gone so far; You’re beautiful and so amazing; You’re doing great; You’re in a process and shouldn’t be so hard on yourself; You’re perfect as you are; Allow yourself to be…

And this talk continued for a while. It was like a healing balm from the heart.

I could sense and feel this difference between the first voice coming from my head, the way this self actually perceived me like I should be some particular way, not the way I was right now in this particular moment. And then, this other gentle voice coming from the heart just giving me love, support and understanding.

I tell you, the difference is astonishing, and it really works. After 20-30 mins of lying and letting the conversation shift, I felt fine – the residue of the tough day was gone.

I was washed and renewed by what is called practicing self-love.

Do you love yourself unconditionally? Do you find practicing self-love easy? Do you think it’s fundamental for the abundance in your life?



Vilina Christoph is a spiritual writer and uses the power of words to help others on their journey of healing and recovery. She distills challenging life experiences into meaningful lessons and practical wisdom. She believes that finding our voices and speaking our truth empowers us to transform our lives and reach long-lasting fulfillment.


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