Last time I put my story under a different light and illuminated it within a new perspective. I looked into my life from the angle of radical forgiveness. In short, radical forgiveness is about the idea that whatever happened to us (seeing ourselves as victim) or whatever we did to someone else (seeing ourselves as perpetrator), nothing wrong ever occurred. The people participating in the event on both sides have agreed on spiritual level to experience it so their souls can evolve. It’s all perfect and as it should be. Thus, skipping the traditional meaning of forgiveness, we address our concerns to our spiritual self and forgive whomever hurt us or ourselves (self-forgiveness).
After writing this post something shifted in me.
I’ve reached a point in my internal exploration (excavation) that I was ready to release something energetically huge.
Also, randomly I picked one of our books that were destined to go to the charity shop – Messages from Your Angels by Doreen Virtue. I paged through it and the few things I saw told me my angels were telling me to start reading it. I’ve never really been into angel stuff but I’ve learned to trust my inner voice so read a bit of the book that evening. After all, it’s another way of addressing other spiritual beings whom we don’t fully comprehend with our intellect.
And that night I had a dream, actually two dreams. I woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and overwhelmed with feeling.
Later in the early morning I had another one, even more vibrant. As the day progressed I connected these dreams with my brave guess of a previous life. When I was writing that paragraph in my last post, it all came very fluent to me, without any effort whatsoever. I’ve pondered before on what my previous lives could have been but never had it come to me in such a flow. And it all seemed to match the patterns I’ve noticed in my present incarnation.
By noon I realised my angels have passed this information on to me because I was getting highly tuned into my feelings of what those past lives could have been. And I understand how all this could sound to you, but I’ve learned to trust my instinct and I know that information is passed to us in a variety of forms all the time. If we only learn to recognise these messages and trust them with an open heart.
So that’s what I did and I knew these dreams were symbolic of what has happened to me in previous incarnations.
By the end of the day I figured there were two major themes.
In the first dream I witnessed something of a mass killing. I wasn’t the offender (as I’ve suspected) but I was part of a small group of people that was swarmed and attacked by a much larger number. We stood no chance in defending ourselves or even proving ourselves not needing to die. It was quick and it was brutal. I didn’t see myself dying but rather witnessed the killing. I understood that my present I was participating in these dreams more as an observer. I wasn’t seeing clearly but rather I felt the feelings much stronger. I also felt Native American vibe, although I’ve always thought I was a soldier during the war in Vietnam , but time-wise my dream was much older.
In the second dream I was part of a legal trial. Again, I didn’t have the awareness that this was happening to me, I didn’t understand why I was there. I was handed a piece of paper I had to read but I couldn’t make out what was written. Thinking about it later, I understood I was wrongfully accused of something I didn’t do. Also in the dream, I did see the person – the real perpetrator at the end of the trial being congratulated by another. He won, and I lost. And although I don’t know if I really participated in a trial and was send to prison say, I knew I was blamed for something I didn’t commit. And I carried this (mental) prison in me till the present day.
Immediately after these realisations, I felt at ease.
The trauma I’ve carried with me for I don’t know how long is at last dissolving. I feel my body different, my energy lighter, my mind more relaxed. The feeling is something of “I don’t need to do anything any longer, I can relax and let go of this trauma”. I don’t want to hold onto it any longer, I don’t want! I am ready to live my present life and feel joy. I feel that now I can. I’m free from my prison.
Though, I do understand that I’m probably not quite ready to face my perpetrators and forgive them. I know these people are probably part of my current life (or are the ones who have left it already) and circumstances on a bigger level. But a time for this will come too. For now I’m glad I can understand how what has happened is affecting my life now.
To summarise, I was once the victim of a brutal mass killing with no chance of defending or standing up for myself and my life ruthlessly taken away. And another time wrongfully accused of something I didn’t commit and lived the rest of my life in isolation, carrying the shame, anger and feeling of injustice within me.
Dramatic as it sounds, it does sound pretty logical to me considering the themes in my current life. It’s a lot of unresolved trauma to be lugged around.
The thing is, I feel free now. I feel released and relieved.
It’s indescribable in words but I know how I feel – liberated and at ease, peaceful, firmly grounded, in the present moment, relaxed, calm; even a physical thing that I have and have had before is cleared. There’s no charge, no resistance, no tension, no frustration, no anxiety.
I’m fine. And I want to look ahead and meet my life with an open heart and clear eyes for a first time.
Have you had insights into your past lives? Do you feel you’re holding onto some unresolved trauma? Let me know in the comments.