• The shame around being a "bad mother" Image
    Trauma Healing

    The shame around being a “bad mother”

    Sometimes I resent being a mother. That is not to say that I don’t love my child. Unlike my mother and some mothers who can’t love, I do love my son. With all my heart and soul, always and forever. I believe all mothers have moments when they resent motherhood. I believe that the contemporary expectation to be a non-stop happy and vibrant mother is not only unrealistic, it’s also severely shaming and stigmatising. It makes natural temporary feelings of dissatisfaction or unfulfillment fester into gnawing guilt. That makes me think how terribly unprepared and largely delusional so many mothers enter into motherhood, including me. I wanted my child with…

  • A Message From the Goddess Isis Image
    Trauma Healing

    A message from the goddess Isis

    Last night I picked a card from my Goddess Guidance oracle cards. I picked Isis – Past Life: Your roots upon this planet are strong and deep, and some of the roots have anchored you in past memories from faraway times. These roots have anchored you so deeply, in fact, that you’re paralyzed when it comes to moving forward. I’ve called your attention to this condition so that you may  unearth and uproot past memories. Some times you bury those memories to shield yourself from psychic pain or embarrassment, so you won’t remember those awkward moments when life tested you to the maximum. Reveal those lessons to yourself now, strong sorceress,…

  • Look How Far You've Come Image
    Trauma Healing

    “Look how far you’ve come!”

    I recently went for an amatsu massage therapy as a birthday gift. The therapist is a friend of our family and she knows the details of my personal story. I first met her when I moved into the town where we live now, and she’s been following our four-year time period here since the birth of our son. So when I met her after some six months since our previous meet-up, she exclaimed: “You look gorgeous!” I shied away and said that I’m only dressed casual. When she asked what birthday that was and I answered that it was my 32nd, she explained again: “Look how far you’ve come!” I shied away again,…

  • Past Life Explorations Image
    Trauma Healing

    Past life explorations

    Last time I put my story under a different light and illuminated it within a new perspective. I looked into my life from the angle of radical (self) forgiveness. In short, radical forgiveness is about the idea that whatever happened to us (seeing ourselves as victim) or whatever we did to someone else (seeing ourselves as perpetrator), nothing wrong ever occurred. The people participating in the event on both sides have agreed on spiritual level to experience it so their souls can evolve. It’s all perfect and as it should be. Thus, skipping the traditional meaning of forgiveness, we address our concerns to our spiritual self and forgive whomever hurt us or ourselves…

  • The missing relationship with the mother image
    Trauma Healing

    On grief: the missing relationship with the mother

    If you ask me how my life has been the last couple of years, I probably wouldn’t say it has been full of grief. It would be one of the first things to cross my mind but I wouldn’t say it. I would probably divert to being a mom and looking after a household, which is true but it’s only half of my world. The grief and everything it brings – I’ve put aside in the back pocket of my mind. It wasn’t until I started listening to the audiobook Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed, that I felt how much grief I still carry in me.…

  • Letting go of guilt image
    Trauma Healing

    Letting go of guilt

    In this post I’d like to discuss the feeling of guilt – in particular the guilt inherited from our parents and the way we carry this within us through life. I believe guilt can play out in our lives in two ways: the guilt our parents felt towards us when we were young (and perhaps still feel) and how that affected us in becoming whole beings the guilt we carry over for our parents and we as parents feel towards our children. And I believe this guilt is carried through the generations. Perhaps this is a new concept for you but bear with me. If you find yourself feeling guilty in situations…

  • Reclaiming our wholeness image
    Trauma Healing

    Reclaiming our wholeness

    Last time I touched upon the subject of childhood and the beliefs we form as little children. Beliefs that are very often unaligned with our truth and distorted by the immature minds we possess at very early age. In this post I’ll strive to explain better what that means and how it happens. I draw my conclusions solely from my own experience and the realisations I’ve made during my journey of better understanding myself. My hope is that you will be able to find your own truth in what I have to say! I’m sure some of you are familiar with the concept of inner child work and healing the wounded child within…