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Trauma Healing

On femininity: breathwork exercise and a mother’s message

A few sessions ago during my Inner Child Therapy we did a breathwork exercise.

It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking it would be at the beginning. I thought it would be more of a shamanic breathwork – quickened breathing that makes you lightheaded and you go into a state of trance.

What we did was different – the breathing wasn’t too fast but we kept it going for about 40 minutes at least, I was also lying on the ground and first I was doing a specific movement with my back/hips and then with my legs.

It appeared that this is actually a tantric practice. But it didn’t have anything to do with sex (what tantric techniques are usually perceived to be related to), although that could be a side effect of using it.

It had lots to do with waking up the kundalini energy within.

Almost at the start, my hands started to vibrate – it’s was strange feeling, like shaking but internally. In fact my hands and arms were still all the time and at the end I could barely feel or move them. This vibration went all the way up to my jaws and then up to my cheek bones and temples. It was really strange and I caught myself wondering whether I will survive this till the end of the exercise.

At the second part of the practice, still lying on my back with my knees bent, I started opening and closing my legs slowly. That sent the vibration down in my abdomen, in the area of the womb. 

When we stopped I stretched my hands as if I was reaching for something. At this moment my therapist asked me what I saw. What I immediately pictured was my mother, the way an all-loving mother would be. I was a little girl, she had knelt down next to me and was telling me that I shouldn’t be afraid of my femininity.

It was that moment that we never had in real life, when I was turning into a woman and she was reassuring me that there was nothing to be afraid of, that this was a natural process of growing up, and that in fact our wombs are the place where women draw their energy from.

As women we draw our resources from our connection to the Mother Earth. The area around the root chakra is where this energy (shakti) is contained and being in touch with it, helps us being the women that we are meant to be. Our wombs are where all life beings and what makes us women.

Suppressing our femininity is like taking away the air our bodies need to function. 

The message I received was powerful. I realised I’ve never fully accepted myself as a woman. I don’t know how to be a woman, or what a real woman is. When I was physically transforming into a young woman my mother wasn’t there. I never embraced that part of me fully. Plus I’ve always been taught how to be a “manly” girl by my father.

The vision I had with my mother made up for that huge loss. She told me not to be afraid of being a woman, of my femininity, of my womanly characteristics.  On the contrary this is the source of my power, my creativity, my expression in this world. We women express ourselves differently from men and we need to be connected to our female qualities if we are to be fully realised.

It’s hard to explain how I felt after the session but it was pretty awesome. I was calm, peaceful, grounded, connected. I felt present, beautiful, emanating, I felt like a woman. I just knew what the meaning of a true woman is and also felt it. I didn’t really have to do anything and I wasn’t afraid or shying away from it either.

It is a feeling of empowerment. It is our natural state as women. If only we can remember and hold it at all times.

And we can – all it takes is to take the time, look into your relationship with yourself, your body and your femininity and perform a fairly doable breathowork technique. Anyone could do it and feel the effect.

Don’t be afraid of your femininity and being a true woman. The Mother Earth wants you to be one.

Are you afraid of being a woman? Do you know how to be a true woman? What does it mean to you? Let me know in the comments.


Vilina Christoph is a spiritual writer and uses the power of words to help others on their journey of healing and recovery. She distills challenging life experiences into meaningful lessons and practical wisdom. She believes that finding our voices and speaking our truth empowers us to transform our lives and reach long-lasting fulfillment.

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