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Acceptance: the path to change
“If you want to see change in your life, accept it as it is.” Lately, I find myself wanting yet another change in my life. I live in a city. About an year ago my family and I moved to Sofia, Bulgaria. It happens to be one of the most polluted capitals in Europe. I’ve started feeling the dust and the dirt of the city polluting my own life and state of mind. I find myself wanting to move again. I want to go far from the smog, the noise, the cruelty, and the trickery. Our family has suffered a few blows on our property, we’ve been stolen from, and…
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Waving goodbye to the past
I feel the last few years are catching up with me. Many feelings are coming up to the surface for first time to be illuminated. Things I realise for a first time ever. Things sometimes too grave. My life for the past 4 years has been grave in many ways. Not only, of course, but mostly. I realise now that as soon as my relationship with my partner began, it was stifled almost in the bud. Uninvited visitors, like death, grief, anxiety, came along and didn’t leave much of a space for us to breathe as a new family. My love for my partner was suffocated. My love for my…
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On the brink of dawn
As we enter into 2018, I cannot quite get myself into thinking about resolutions, setting intentions or goals. I cannot even summon my mind to reflect back on the year 2017. I feel somewhere in between, not quite ready to let go of the old year and not quite there to welcome the new one. Perhaps this is natural, for some of us. Just as I try and think about what the past year has brought my way, I almost freeze. It’s been so much, there’s been so many lessons, too many experiences and feelings. I don’t know if I can summarise all of it in one post, one sentence,…
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Sacred Mothering: how to be a soulful mother on a spiritual path
For a long time I’ve lived two separate lives – a life of an unfolding spiritual journey and purpose and a life as an everyday mother, partner and housewife. The first one happens mostly within me and I get to share it here with you, my readers and online friends, but I don’t express much outwardly in my day-to-day doings. The second life happens in the hours when I’m not working on myself or writing down my discoveries and realisations – it happens when I pick up my son from kindergarten and we spend the afternoons together outside or at home. Those two lives sometimes clash with each other and…
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Coming out from the mud and continuing onward
I am grateful for where I am on my journey. I am grateful for the mud I had to come through. I am grateful for the waters that held me while I was rising up. I am grateful for the air that touched my skin upon my resurfacing. I am grateful for the roots that kept me in place. I am grateful for the process, for the journey, for the experience, for my life. On 15th October it was 7 years since the death of my mother. Here’s what I wrote: I was only 26 at the time. I remember trying to rationalise and intellectualise the shock of her…
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Motherhood and enjoying the present moment
For a first time in my life I feel like I’m enjoying being a mother and my relationship with my son. I was too naive and maybe somewhat young when I became a mother. We’ve only been together with my partner for an year when I got pregnant. But we said yes to it, yes to all this family-making, children-raising thing. And it was good for a while. But soon it became clear that this isn’t what I thought it would be. It soon became clear that instead of building a family, there was a wall being built between me and everything around me. And I closed down and shut…
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Happy where I am
I will make a confession to you: I’ve never been happier in my life. As I write this I can feel the tears pushing to come through. But these are happy tears. These are the tears of a revelation, of an epiphany, of a breakthrough, of a triumph! In just the last few weeks I’ve come to a point of a full blown transformation. I’ve always kept the subject of transformation to the forefront, understanding it’s an essential step of the human journey and what I was going through. Now I feel this shift happening in my body, in my very cells. After two years of inner turmoil and actively…
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To my dear child
I thought I was coping with my reality until I realised that I was just trying to escape from it. The key to enjoying my life is to actually embrace it, as it is. I was running away from you, thinking you were the problem. When in fact, you are the one who will hold me through the problem. Regardless of everything else, I have the greatest gift of life – you, my child. My son – my mirror, my reflection. All my pain projected onto you. I called you many things – all projections of what I’ve been hurting from in my life and relationships. My dear child, you’re…
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The choice is yours
Will you choose to grumble or will you choose to let it go? Will you choose to push or will you choose to let it be? Will you choose to fall into victimhood or will you choose to take responsibility? Will you choose to grow or will you choose to stay stuck? Will you choose to open up your mind and heart or will you choose to stay separate? Will you choose acceptance or will you choose judgement? Will you choose freedom or you will you choose comparison? Will you choose love or will you choose fear? Will you choose life or will you choose hell? Will you choose power…
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Pain is the means, love is the end
No matter what pain you may experience in your life it is because we need to remember unconditional love. Even when you hurt, try finding the undying love within you and emanate that love. You may ask “What’s the point of pain?”, “Why do we feel pain?”. I know I’ve asked these questions. The answer is: So that we remember. So that we remember that we are born with love, that we are love, that love is all. Pain is the means, love is the end. Love is the beginning, love is everything. Pain comes into our life so that we can find this deep place inside us where all the…
