For a long time I’ve lived two separate lives – a life of an unfolding spiritual journey and purpose and a life as an everyday mother, partner and housewife. The first one happens mostly within me and I get to share it here with you, my readers and online friends, but I don’t express much outwardly in my day-to-day doings. The second life happens in the hours when I’m not working on myself or writing down my discoveries and realisations – it happens when I pick up my son from kindergarten and we spend the afternoons together outside or at home.
Those two lives sometimes clash with each other and cause a deep sense of conflict within me. It is not that I am a different person, it is more that I find it really hard to implement what I’ve learned along my journey within my role as a mother.
My son continuously stands as a mirror and a teacher for me although sometimes I feel like a terrible student. I have recognised our relationship as a karmic one and we both have a lot to learn from each other and from being in such a close-tight relationship with each other. Mothering him is one of the greatest challenges in my life and certainly propels me to learn, grow and evolve although I often feel caught off-guard.
I’ve asked myself a hundreds of times, how could I improve our relationship and perhaps enjoy it more? How could I be more open, receptive and available for him? How can I continue on my spiritual path as an awakening feminine leader and at the same time tend to my son’s needs in a way that he’s content and happy with his life?
These are no easy questions and more likely than not it will take most of my lifetime to work out the answers. But that is OK because this is part of my spiritual journey. Hence I came up with the concept of Spiritual Mothering and Sacred Motherhood.
I would like to unify those two lives into one whole one. I’d like to continue on my journey but rather than learning from others mainly through inner reflection, I’d like to learn from my everyday life as a mother, partner and a person of this world. I’ve had to walk the inner path and it has brought me many revelations without which I wouldn’t go far now. But I’m noticing the need to shift from spending time in quiet self-observation to coming out of my shell and bringing out and embodying what I’ve learned in a more present way.
Being a mother is a big part of my life and so is my spiritual development. I cannot separate the two any longer, the pressure and conflict is too burdensome. Hence you will read more about my observations on being a mother on a spiritual path – a woman who tends to her spiritual practices as well as to her child’s and family’s needs without compromising her relationship with herself too.
Sounds like a lot, ha? My comfort comes from the knowing that our ancient mothers have done this before me. I trust that this is our innate nature. By coming back to our roots and accessing the inner knowledge that we all have, we will remember how to be soulful mothers.
I believe that as modern women we desperately need this knowledge and the memories of our ancient mothers so that we could raise our children mindfully with love and respect without disconnecting from our true selves, femininity and spirituality.
And we very well may change our world and the lives of our children for the better.2