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The shame around being a “bad mother”
Sometimes I resent being a mother. That is not to say that I don’t love my child. Unlike my mother and some mothers who can’t love, I do love my son. With all my heart and soul, always and forever. I believe all mothers have moments when they resent motherhood. I believe that the contemporary expectation to be a non-stop happy and vibrant mother is not only unrealistic, it’s also severely shaming and stigmatising. It makes natural temporary feelings of dissatisfaction or unfulfillment fester into gnawing guilt. That makes me think how terribly unprepared and largely delusional so many mothers enter into motherhood, including me. I wanted my child with…
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Setting ourselves free from the pain of the past
I’ve spent a good deal of time digging up my past, exploring my psyche and searching for answers and truth. I found a lot of pain, sadness, hurt and sorrow. Not only that, of course, but I’ve been focused mainly on the difficult aspects since I wanted to heal them and release myself from the emotional prison I’ve lived in my whole life. For the first part of our life we don’t realise any of this, we simply act out these painful aspects of our past that were lodged into our subconscious. Sooner or later something happens to us to wake us up, become aware and heal the pain that’s…
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Working with the inner child: illuminations and release
I’m nearly finished with my Inner Child Therapy. It’s been more than 10 weeks now and it’s been illuminating. It wasn’t as scary and traumatic as I was picturing it but it has been eye-opening and sometimes heart-breaking. I’ve had numerous “aha” moments, things I would’ve probably never known haven’t I done the work. In a way my realisations were more simple, and perhaps even quite common, than I have expected. Nevertheless, it’s been mind-boggling. The two main themes in terms of what I received or didn’t receive from my parents are described below. From my father: My father was busy and occupied with his work. His work was his…
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Identifying triggers and breaking free from the past
I’m realising I’ve been a prisoner of my past. More or less, everyone of us is. Until the time we decide we’re not and we break free. I am seeing how experiences from my past determine the way I act on daily basis, or more accurately – re-act. Doing the inner child work opens a lot of closed doors – you start seeing and understanding why and how. You see your present self as a projection of your past – you’re nothing more but a shadow of a past self but you’re not your self. But it’s not really meant to be like this. Although we are connected to our…
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Inner Child Therapy: Working with the father and mother roles
Sessions number two and three from my Working with the Inner Child therapy were about getting into the role of the father and the mother and voicing everything that comes through: their words, messages, lessons, ways of punishment and rewarding, etc. In the session when I had to “be” my father I could barely find any words he had said to me when I was young. I was remembering messages from older years very clearly but I couldn’t get back to the early years of my childhood. During the session, feeling my inner child, I felt distance at first. Like my dad wanted to say something but he kept it inside,…
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Working with the inner child: unleashing unconditional self-love
Last Thursday I started Inner Child Work with a therapist. We will be meeting for 10 sessions over 10 weeks. As it normally happens, I found this person “randomly” (I believe through an Instagram post, which is somewhat odd). I followed through the post, went to her website and found some really nice blog posts and stories. Of course, the Inner Child Work just struck me on the spot and instantly I knew I had to do it. That happened some time in January. And even that it took us a little while to move and settle in Sofia, I knew I shouldn’t change my mind and get in touch…
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Web Wonderland No.1: How to heal childhood trauma, speak with confidence and say “yes” to everything
Hey You! This week I’m introducing a new feature on the blog, Web Wonderland. Here you will read valuable information I find around the web that is worth sharing. I’ll strive to make these posts as regular as I can. They will be mainly pieces on personal development & transformation, spiritual growth & evolution, healing & empowerment, and other stuff that promotes our blossoming into the whole, fulfilled and authentic people we are meant to be. So get yourself a cup of your favourite drink, sit back and enjoy! ♦ As I often do, I look into our childhood where lots of our issues stem from. Here are two pieces on…
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Becoming our true selves
I had a revelation – I had put my life on pause. About 3 years ago I unconsciously put my own life on hold. What happened at that time is that I moved in with my partner and we had a baby. Life drastically changed as I moved out of my flat in Dublin city and moved in a quieter area nearby; I said goodbye to single life living with my best friend and embraced sharing a relationship and a 3 bedroom house with my boyfriend. I also lost my job and not long after that we got pregnant. It was a life overhaul. I switched identities over a few months. Consciously…
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Remembering what matters: on being social, school troubles and birthdays
Currently there’s about three planets residing in or near the realms of Aquarius, including the sun. That means we all get to experience a lot of Aquarian qualities. And if you don’t know what these are, I’ll give you a hint – the representatives of this zodiac sign are called “the social butterflies” of the zodiac wheel. No wonder I haven’t been able to get to my blog in ages. But that doesn’t mean I’ve been quiet on the social front. Besides ruling social groups and settings, Aquarius also rules internet and technology. Yes, you guessed it – I’ve been busy communicating with people through any media possible – email, messaging, phone, and in person. And no,…
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Year 2015: what it brought to my family and what it taught me
I am going to talk to my son’s teacher tomorrow. My son, Sylvian, is nearly 3 years old and he is going to a Montessori preschool. I prefer to call it just “school” and the people taking care of him there – teachers.I want to talk to her, I will call her Jackie, and give her some background information. But let me give you some information about my son first. He started at this school in late September and he’s going 5 mornings a week for 3 hours. At the beginning he was thrilled to go there. It was a new place that’s not home and is full of toys…
