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VILINA CHRISTOPH

A Woman's Story of Healing & Empowerment

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  • Healing & Recovery
  • The Empowered Women Series
  • The Wonder List
  • Web Wonderland
  • Spirituality
  • Healing Verses
  • Web Wonderland No.6 Image
    Web Wonderland

    Web Wonderland No.6 & what I’ve been up to: My hyper-active mind + books, tv, and useful links

    Hey you! I’d like to put together a post that summarises everything I’ve been up to during the last few weeks. I haven’t been able to post much, I feel like my mind has been stretched by hundreds of tiny and not so tiny pieces of information. So I’ll try to put it all up here as a trace for myself and also there’s quite a few things that may present an interest to you too. I often get tense and mentally overwhelmed when I haven’t “emptied my mind’s cup” and that’s how I felt for a while now. Sometimes I get quite amazed how active my mind could be and…

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    The choice is yours

    7th August 2017
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    Becoming our true selves

    2nd March 2016
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    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of March

    4th March 2019
  • Web Wonderland No.5 Image
    Web Wonderland

    Web Wonderland No.5: The importance of a support system, working with the medicine wheel and being yourself while changing the world

    Hey you! Back on the chair, I’m determined to present you with some useful information around the web. But first… In fairness, though, life is intense… I’ve been mainly spending time with my son Sylvian, doing school runs, parks, parents’ meetings and the likes. And talking to his new teacher/carer. Well, things are complicated but I’m willing to work with the issues and repair as much of what has been done in the past. The truth is that we are a collection, or a collage, of what we have been through and what has happened so we have to work with our wounds and scars and try heal them as…

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    My Pain is My Power

    17th June 2019
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    My dance with astrology: on anger, revolutionaries and colouring

    3rd December 2015
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    A new breath of life

    21st January 2016
  • Web Wonderland No.4 Image
    Web Wonderland

    Web Wonderland No.4: How your ancestors’ experiences affect you, learn to tap away your fear, and live a loveable life

    Hey You! March is here – one of my favourite months – the winter’s pretty much over, the sun’s warming up everything back to life, and in Bulgaria we have the most colourful and meaningful celebrations. First of March is the day of Baba Marta (Granny March) – it marks the arrival of spring and we put on red and white woven martenitsi to symbolise health and longevity.  Third of March is our Liberation Day, when Bulgaria was liberated from the Ottoman Rule which lasted around 500 years. Eighth of March is the International Women’s Day which is widely celebrated around the world and is still quite big in Bulgaria…

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    Motherhood and enjoying the present moment

    2nd October 2017
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    Setting ourselves free from the pain of the past

    20th June 2018
    A Message From the Goddess Isis Image

    A message from the goddess Isis

    8th November 2016
  • Web Wonderland No.3 Image
    Web Wonderland

    Web Wonderland No.3: New life coming to fruition, crazy eclipse season, and a special bind magic

    Hey You! It’s been a busy week. Recently I shared about our move from Ireland to Bulgaria, and the trip in between. Now, after almost three months of harsh winter, snow-shoveling and playing house, this move and the change involved with it is coming to fruition. My family and I are ready to move in our new apartment in Sofia and start putting the foundations of this new cycle in our lives and soul paths. It doesn’t sound like much but we’ve put an enormous effort into making this new life come true – we’ve said goodbye to family, friends, the house where our son grew up, the land, the country…

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    On Support And Being In The Flow Image

    On support and being in the flow

    19th April 2017
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    Waving goodbye to the past

    10th January 2018
    My dance with astrology image

    My dance with astrology: on anger, revolutionaries and colouring

    3rd December 2015
  • Web Wonderland No.2 Image
    Web Wonderland

    Web Wonderland No.2: How to clear past life trauma, create freedom in your life, and put your money into what makes you happy

    Hey You! I hope you’re sitting comfortably (or lying leisurely) with your favourite cuppa so you can enjoy this week’s web wonderland fully! ♦ We’ll start with this amazing story on healing past life trauma, something me myself have been looking into for quite some time. There’s tons of interesting articles on this blog. More on Past Life Trauma Clearing Make sure you read the previous post she’s linking to! ♦ Also a TED Talk by the same person Subconscious Sabotage | Daphna Slonim ♦ Hers’ somebody else I’ve been following for a while. She’s got great podcast series plus many more tips and support for The Liberated Woman™. How to…

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    The Power Is Within You Image

    The power is within you

    2nd August 2017
    The Wonder List June Image

    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of June

    5th June 2019
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    A solo adventure and a glance into a past life

    27th April 2017
  • Web Wonderland No.1 Image
    Web Wonderland

    Web Wonderland No.1: How to heal childhood trauma, speak with confidence and say “yes” to everything

    Hey You! This week I’m introducing a new feature on the blog, Web Wonderland. Here you will read valuable information I find around the web that is worth sharing. I’ll strive to make these posts as regular as I can. They will be mainly pieces on personal development & transformation, spiritual growth & evolution, healing & empowerment, and other stuff that promotes our blossoming into the whole, fulfilled and authentic people we are meant to be. So get yourself a cup of your favourite drink, sit back and enjoy! ♦ As I often do, I look into our childhood where lots of our issues stem from. Here are two pieces on…

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    Dear beautiful you

    9th October 2017
    The Wonder List April Image

    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of April

    3rd April 2019
    How my son starting school is helping me heal trauma image

    How my son starting school is helping me heal trauma

    4th December 2019
Vilina Christoph Headshot Image

Hello & Welcome

I am Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. I use words to transmute the pain and adversity into fuel for growth and empowerment. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and transform our lives from within. I am passionate about helping women heal, grow and feel empowered to build and live a full authentic life.

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  • Yesterday, during my therapy session, I got to meet my inner teenager. I didn't even suspect that could happen but there she was. I saw her so clearly and understood that it was her turn now to be heard, healed and integrated. After working with my inner child for a while, it was only natural for the next phase of my development to emerge for healing. . I have to tell you it wasn't easy and for the rest of the day I felt the depression and heaviness that this girl had to live with for a long time. I got in touch with with these feelings and all she wanted was to be allowed to feel what she felt - anger, rage, being betrayed and abandoned, disappointed and even disgusted by all the "adults" in her life. No, she wasn't ready to forgive, nor she wanted to. . But I was there for her. I am here for myself, for all of us. I am happy I got to connect with her and I am going to allow her to express all her pain. I welcome her back as she is with all her feelings and confusion. Welcome back! . Have you ever met your inner teenager?🎧 Want was she like and what did she need from you?
  • 🎈 REWRITING YOUR STORY AND RELEASING THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST🎈 Making sense of our past and childhood trauma(s) is a difficult and emotion- and time-consuming process. We will most likely go through all feelings including anger, sadness, grief, unfairness... It's all natural and necessary for the healing process. . The more you make sense of your trauma, the more you will understand your parents'/caregivers' trauma(s). The more you understand their trauma(s), the easier will become to make sense of your past. . You will understand that all trauma originates from emotional pain, pain that has not been processed healthily or has been suppressed. Pain that has not been healed is being passed down in some way to the next generation. In the example above I can continue backwards to the generation of my grandparents. And so on and so forth. . We can reframe our past trauma experiences and rewrite the stories of our lives so far. In doing so we will find emotional freedom and feel no longer trapped in unhealthy, unhappy, traumatic patterns. By healing ourselves, we heal our ancestors and a whole lot of generational trauma. Continue healing 🎈❤️
  • Forgiving those who've hurt you after childhood trauma and emotional neglect/abuse is a delicate process, to say the least, a process you can't force. Forgiving your parent(s)/caregiver(s) can only come when you've healed your inner child, when you've tended to your inner child's needs, when you've put them to the forefront and given them what they never received. . If that process is to happen to you, it will happen naturally when your child self is ready. When they feel fully seen and heard, validated and appreciated, and taken care of, that part of you will no longer be a separate fragment. It will be integrated in the whole of who you are. You will be free from the sense of being stuck and you can continue with your life journey. You become the healthy adult that you were meant to be. ❤️ . P. S. I felt I had to add this - You never ever have to forgive anything or anyone in order to heal. It's actually the other way round - forgiveness comes naturally with healing, and healing the child in you that was hurt, speaking about childhood trauma/neglect/abuse. That said, there are things that are unforgivable and forgiveness is out of reach. In those cases the term "forgiveness" can be replaced with "releasing", of toxic emotions, of any feelings that weigh You down. . What would you call that process if forgiveness sounds unacceptable for you?
  • A HUGE part of healing from childhood trauma and emotional neglect is healing the shame around who you are. That means accepting yourself fully and unconditionally, in a way you were never accepted before. This means to give yourself permission to feel and be and do whatever YOU need in any given moment and situation. No regret, no guilt, no shame - radical self-acceptance is the antidote to shame and the path to healing. It's also how you heal your inner child/child self. And that's key to healing childhood trauma and emotional neglect. Give yourself the freedom and space to feel all of your feelings, especially the difficult ones, without any judgement but with compassion and kindness. You will be thanking yourself later. ❤️
  • Childhood trauma and childhood emotional neglect (CEN) will leave you deeply feeling shame about everything you are. Shame is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you - the whole of you. Something that you'll do anything to never be found out by others. . This feeling saps the life out of you, your vitality and energy, it literally sucks out the life force that runs through all of us. Personally, it often feels is like you live in a parallel world being the observer but not the one who participates in the world. . We start feeling shame early and this happens when we continually and consistently hear criticism, feel rejected for who we are, feel unlovable and unworthy. In reality it was our caregivers who couldn't cope with us, most likely our expression of feelings and self. . Your child self/inner child is still there, alive in you. You can start giving her permission to feel and express herself freely - no criticism, no shutting down, no guilt, no shame. This way she'll learn that she's valuable and worthy to be who she is, that she won't be abandoned and rejected anymore for her feelings.❤️
  • It's a winter fairytale out there and even the grey blocks across look (kind of) nice - now you know where I live! 😁 But schools are now open after the flu epidemic and my son is finally back after being sick and then stuck at home for 3.5 weeks! . This time, I used the time as an opportunity to rest, switch off completely, and bond with him. And I believe we made the best of it - it was insightful and healing, although hard and tough at the same time. . Now, I'm completely sure that my son is here to help me heal myself and to be exact - help me heal my inner child. I start to realise that he is very much what I was as a kid but have forgotten - highly sensitive, compassionate, but also easily hurt due to feeling deeply, and feeling insecure as a result. Needing reassurance, encouragement, support and guidance, a safe place to retrieve when feeling tender and vulnerable. . I can start giving this to myself and him now. He's helping me understand myself and my needs better. It's never too late to start giving ourselves what we didn't receive as children from our caregivers. It's never to late to fill that gap and start living as whole and complete. I'm grateful for my journey 💜💚💜
  • Grief is an integral part of the healing process and there are days when it just shows up - uninvited, unexpected, much to our surprise and discomfort. . It was one of those days for me. I was so irritable and easily triggered by my son. As soon as I felt the urge to lash out and criticise him or be on his case, I knew something was off. I was honest with myself and him today. . I wasn't feeling well, I was sad, I needed time just for myself. I told him that. I also told him that it wasn't his fault the way I was feeling. I think he understood but still, the parental guilt is hard to shake. . Then I cried - I let myself feel the sadness and the grief. The unfairness and the anger that the wounded child in me feels. I felt so mad that because of my past I have to feel all this.. And hurt the people I love. . But I had to show kindness to myself. I could not let myself beat myself up. I hate the way I'm feeling but I have to be compassionate with myself and care for myself. . I know it will pass and I know it will show up again and again. It's OK. Accepting ourselves as the glorious messes that we are is the key in healing ourselves. Grief will show for you regularly on your healing journey - don't push it away, let it teach you self-acceptance and compassion and it will transcend your pain. 💜💚️💜
  • Being a parent after childhood emotional, attachment trauma is one of the greatest challenges I've faced. It's one of the strongest, most persistent triggers I've experienced. BUT. Through therapy and inner work I'm coming to understand why that is. . I feel great, although irrational, shame around being a mother. Shame so deep and inexplicable that there might be only one explanation - it's not my shame. . Digging deeper into it allowed me to see how I WAS SHAMED regularly and consistently by my mother. She projected her own shame onto me, not being able to see/feel/understand her own pain and difficult feelings. I internalised these messages and I became them. . My son's role now is to expose all of that shame so I can feel it, work with it, and release it for good. This way, breaking a transgenerational cycle of trauma and shame. Not easy, I know. The way I see it - it's a higher calling and a life mission, and this helps me continuing forward. I hope it helps you too. 💕
  • I've had a couple of relaxing days after my son (and cat) was being sick for the last two weeks. We have a flu epidemic in the city and the schools are closed for another ten days. So we've been immobilised at home for more than a month now, including the Christmas holidays. So it's been tough and stressy but I'm finally catching up and managing to enjoy the "empty" days. . Sometimes our worst fear and what we try avoiding at all costs is not having anything to do, nothing to busy ourselves with. Which would mean staying with ourselves and our close ones, and being fully present and available. And that could be terrifying. . All sorts of triggers might come up and we just have to do the work of identifying the real issues. So often we'll do just anything to avoid pain, it's how we're wired. But not facing the pain, not digging into it, not getting under it ultimately causes us so much more pain. . I was very inspired watching a Lady Gaga interview with Oprah. When you have known pain - experienced, felt, lived with it - you can't anymore turn a blind eye to it. Then, when you see someone in pain you can't just ignore them - you want to help them heal. I believe many of us are going through this sort of training right now. We need to heal our world ❤️🌍
  • 🌪️ DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ARE DIRECT RESULTS OF EXPERIENCED TRAUMA 🌪️ ° The is no doubt that depression and anxiety are linked with trauma. That said, trauma could be a very different experience for everyone. What is certain is that the traumatic event was too much for the survivor to process. ° Experiencing trauma often leaves us stuck in the past, unable to shake off the shock and the stress. On top of that, it also makes us fearful of the future. ° The numbers of people diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety are so high and continue to grow. In a way, this is cancer of the soul. ° What we need is deep healing at the root, not surface symptoms management (although that may be needed too, depending on the magnitude of the symptoms). ° It's possible, our survival as a collective, as a race and species is dependent on us healing our traumas. ° Continue onwards in healing 💕
  • I saw this quote on PsychCentral website and thought it's worth sharing. If only we can end childhood abuse and the trauma cycle it creates, we wouldn't need hundreds of pages of diagnosis manuals, billions-worth medication industry; hundreds of thousands of lives will be saved... That said, I think we need good, trauma-informed therapist more than ever now. An army of Dark Workers, if I can say that. People who are not afraid to look into the darkest corners of people's psyches with understanding, compassion and undeterred will to help them heal. Let's envision this world together, let's create this world together. 💕
  • IF YOU SUFFER FROM PERFECTIONISM and high, unrelenting standards, write these down somewhere, carry them with you all the time and repeat them like a mantra! 📝🔮 .. This is a common aftereffect of trauma and one of the lifetraps as Dr. Jeffrey Young calls them in his book on Schema Therapy. If you grew up with a critical parent, it's very likely you've incorporated that critical voice. Your parents criticalness and perfectionism became yours. Perhaps it was the only way to receive love and attention. .. As much as your (near) perfect ways of being are quite honestly admirable, they take away your joy, spontaneity and playfulness. Remind yourself that good enough is perfect and that it's not all about perfection but also growth and progress. 💕

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Recent Posts

  • Letting go never goes out of fashion imageLetting go (of what no longer serves us) never goes out of fashion
  • I am the person I am because of my trauma imageI am the person I am today because of my trauma, not despite it
  • How my son starting school is helping me heal trauma imageHow my son starting school is helping me heal trauma
  • Shyla Cash Interview ImageInterview with Shyla Cash: Narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect survivor, and a coach at Grow Heal Change
  • Childhood Emotional Neglect ImageChildhood emotional neglect – the hidden root of my pain
  • Tanya Amidei Interview ImageInterview with Tanya Amidei: Sexual abuse survivor, life coach and a spiritual writer

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  • Yesterday, during my therapy session, I got to meet my inner teenager. I didn't even suspect that could happen but there she was. I saw her so clearly and understood that it was her turn now to be heard, healed and integrated. After working with my inner child for a while, it was only natural for the next phase of my development to emerge for healing. . I have to tell you it wasn't easy and for the rest of the day I felt the depression and heaviness that this girl had to live with for a long time. I got in touch with with these feelings and all she wanted was to be allowed to feel what she felt - anger, rage, being betrayed and abandoned, disappointed and even disgusted by all the "adults" in her life. No, she wasn't ready to forgive, nor she wanted to. . But I was there for her. I am here for myself, for all of us. I am happy I got to connect with her and I am going to allow her to express all her pain. I welcome her back as she is with all her feelings and confusion. Welcome back! . Have you ever met your inner teenager?🎧 Want was she like and what did she need from you?
  • 🎈 REWRITING YOUR STORY AND RELEASING THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST🎈 Making sense of our past and childhood trauma(s) is a difficult and emotion- and time-consuming process. We will most likely go through all feelings including anger, sadness, grief, unfairness... It's all natural and necessary for the healing process. . The more you make sense of your trauma, the more you will understand your parents'/caregivers' trauma(s). The more you understand their trauma(s), the easier will become to make sense of your past. . You will understand that all trauma originates from emotional pain, pain that has not been processed healthily or has been suppressed. Pain that has not been healed is being passed down in some way to the next generation. In the example above I can continue backwards to the generation of my grandparents. And so on and so forth. . We can reframe our past trauma experiences and rewrite the stories of our lives so far. In doing so we will find emotional freedom and feel no longer trapped in unhealthy, unhappy, traumatic patterns. By healing ourselves, we heal our ancestors and a whole lot of generational trauma. Continue healing 🎈❤️
  • Forgiving those who've hurt you after childhood trauma and emotional neglect/abuse is a delicate process, to say the least, a process you can't force. Forgiving your parent(s)/caregiver(s) can only come when you've healed your inner child, when you've tended to your inner child's needs, when you've put them to the forefront and given them what they never received. . If that process is to happen to you, it will happen naturally when your child self is ready. When they feel fully seen and heard, validated and appreciated, and taken care of, that part of you will no longer be a separate fragment. It will be integrated in the whole of who you are. You will be free from the sense of being stuck and you can continue with your life journey. You become the healthy adult that you were meant to be. ❤️ . P. S. I felt I had to add this - You never ever have to forgive anything or anyone in order to heal. It's actually the other way round - forgiveness comes naturally with healing, and healing the child in you that was hurt, speaking about childhood trauma/neglect/abuse. That said, there are things that are unforgivable and forgiveness is out of reach. In those cases the term "forgiveness" can be replaced with "releasing", of toxic emotions, of any feelings that weigh You down. . What would you call that process if forgiveness sounds unacceptable for you?
  • A HUGE part of healing from childhood trauma and emotional neglect is healing the shame around who you are. That means accepting yourself fully and unconditionally, in a way you were never accepted before. This means to give yourself permission to feel and be and do whatever YOU need in any given moment and situation. No regret, no guilt, no shame - radical self-acceptance is the antidote to shame and the path to healing. It's also how you heal your inner child/child self. And that's key to healing childhood trauma and emotional neglect. Give yourself the freedom and space to feel all of your feelings, especially the difficult ones, without any judgement but with compassion and kindness. You will be thanking yourself later. ❤️
  • Childhood trauma and childhood emotional neglect (CEN) will leave you deeply feeling shame about everything you are. Shame is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you - the whole of you. Something that you'll do anything to never be found out by others. . This feeling saps the life out of you, your vitality and energy, it literally sucks out the life force that runs through all of us. Personally, it often feels is like you live in a parallel world being the observer but not the one who participates in the world. . We start feeling shame early and this happens when we continually and consistently hear criticism, feel rejected for who we are, feel unlovable and unworthy. In reality it was our caregivers who couldn't cope with us, most likely our expression of feelings and self. . Your child self/inner child is still there, alive in you. You can start giving her permission to feel and express herself freely - no criticism, no shutting down, no guilt, no shame. This way she'll learn that she's valuable and worthy to be who she is, that she won't be abandoned and rejected anymore for her feelings.❤️
  • It's a winter fairytale out there and even the grey blocks across look (kind of) nice - now you know where I live! 😁 But schools are now open after the flu epidemic and my son is finally back after being sick and then stuck at home for 3.5 weeks! . This time, I used the time as an opportunity to rest, switch off completely, and bond with him. And I believe we made the best of it - it was insightful and healing, although hard and tough at the same time. . Now, I'm completely sure that my son is here to help me heal myself and to be exact - help me heal my inner child. I start to realise that he is very much what I was as a kid but have forgotten - highly sensitive, compassionate, but also easily hurt due to feeling deeply, and feeling insecure as a result. Needing reassurance, encouragement, support and guidance, a safe place to retrieve when feeling tender and vulnerable. . I can start giving this to myself and him now. He's helping me understand myself and my needs better. It's never too late to start giving ourselves what we didn't receive as children from our caregivers. It's never to late to fill that gap and start living as whole and complete. I'm grateful for my journey 💜💚💜
  • Grief is an integral part of the healing process and there are days when it just shows up - uninvited, unexpected, much to our surprise and discomfort. . It was one of those days for me. I was so irritable and easily triggered by my son. As soon as I felt the urge to lash out and criticise him or be on his case, I knew something was off. I was honest with myself and him today. . I wasn't feeling well, I was sad, I needed time just for myself. I told him that. I also told him that it wasn't his fault the way I was feeling. I think he understood but still, the parental guilt is hard to shake. . Then I cried - I let myself feel the sadness and the grief. The unfairness and the anger that the wounded child in me feels. I felt so mad that because of my past I have to feel all this.. And hurt the people I love. . But I had to show kindness to myself. I could not let myself beat myself up. I hate the way I'm feeling but I have to be compassionate with myself and care for myself. . I know it will pass and I know it will show up again and again. It's OK. Accepting ourselves as the glorious messes that we are is the key in healing ourselves. Grief will show for you regularly on your healing journey - don't push it away, let it teach you self-acceptance and compassion and it will transcend your pain. 💜💚️💜
  • Being a parent after childhood emotional, attachment trauma is one of the greatest challenges I've faced. It's one of the strongest, most persistent triggers I've experienced. BUT. Through therapy and inner work I'm coming to understand why that is. . I feel great, although irrational, shame around being a mother. Shame so deep and inexplicable that there might be only one explanation - it's not my shame. . Digging deeper into it allowed me to see how I WAS SHAMED regularly and consistently by my mother. She projected her own shame onto me, not being able to see/feel/understand her own pain and difficult feelings. I internalised these messages and I became them. . My son's role now is to expose all of that shame so I can feel it, work with it, and release it for good. This way, breaking a transgenerational cycle of trauma and shame. Not easy, I know. The way I see it - it's a higher calling and a life mission, and this helps me continuing forward. I hope it helps you too. 💕

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