• Healing & Recovery
  • The Empowered Women Series
  • The Wonder List
  • Web Wonderland
  • Spirituality
  • Healing Verses
VILINA CHRISTOPH

A Woman's Story of Healing & Empowerment

  • Home
  • About
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Home
  • About
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Healing & Recovery
  • The Empowered Women Series
  • The Wonder List
  • Web Wonderland
  • Spirituality
  • Healing Verses
  • Web Wonderland 7 Image
    Web Wonderland

    Web Wonderland No.7: Back from holidays, stand-up-real-talk comedy, and unleashing our women’s power

    Hey guys! I’m just back from our holidays in the wonderful land of Greece. My family and I spent 10 days on the Ionian island of Lefkada with a short one-day trip to the islands Kefalonia + Ithaka. Now, I’m still processing the journey and I feel it deserves its own proper post. Peculiar things happened to me while I was there and I’m still not able to put them into words. What inspired me to write this post was a few talks I was having with my partner, a talk/stand-up comedy show I watched and an article on the just passed solar eclipse and new moon. I’d like to…

    Read More

    You May Also Like

    Rise of the feminine post image

    The Rise of the Feminine and the next stage of my spiritual journey

    28th May 2018
    My Pain is My Power Image

    My Pain is My Power

    17th June 2019
    Embracing Our Nature Image

    Embracing our (complex) human nature

    13th June 2017
  • Trips and Insights From Around Bulgaria
    Healing & Recovery

    Trips and insights from around Bulgaria

    Since I’ve already touched upon the subject of astrology in my previous post, I’ll confess that while in Bulgaria I went to see a professional astrologer. It was my first time ever doing this and a third time ever spending money on something like it – I’ve seen a regression therapist and clairvoyant once. She was a lovely lady – very emotional, expressive, loud and real. That’s why I love these people – because they’re real with no inhibitions whatsoever. It went to the extend of even being dramatic and quite funny – I laughed with my heart open while she was “giving out” to me for having to plan…

    Read More

    You May Also Like

    I am grateful image

    On gratitude

    20th December 2015
    Web Wonderland No.4 Image

    Web Wonderland No.4: How your ancestors’ experiences affect you, learn to tap away your fear, and live a loveable life

    4th March 2017
    The Wonder List April Image

    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of April

    3rd April 2019
  • September astrology vibes and dives image
    Healing & Recovery,  Spirituality

    September astrology vibes and dives

    Once the month of September arrives I’m all into diving deep in astrology. Last year around that time started my astro-journey. I opened the first of many books that I read in the consequent months. My curiosity and amazement of this subject has deepened every day since then. These days I’m reading about my six-year long perspectives and also one year planetary transits. And I’m fascinated. But not only with the accuracy of these reports. The modern astrology doesn’t just give us facts and dates of things that will happen. No, this isn’t really the meaning of astrology. Today astrologers look into the overall themes in our lives based on…

    Read More

    You May Also Like

    Setting Free From Past Image

    Setting ourselves free from the pain of the past

    20th June 2018
    Being the gods that we are image

    Being the gods that we are

    22nd April 2016
    Working With Crystals Image

    Using crystals to access the subconscious and heal deep wounds

    28th November 2017
Vilina Christoph Headshot Image

Hello & Welcome

I am Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. I use words to transmute the pain and adversity into fuel for growth and empowerment. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and transform our lives from within. I am passionate about helping women heal, grow and feel empowered to build and live a full authentic life.

Sign up & Get a free gift

The 4 Steps of Personal Transformation Guide



Keep in Touch

On Instagram

  • People pleasing is a survival mechanism and a trauma response, also known as "fawn response". The feeling of disappointing others could be extremely uncomfortable for someone who had to please others in order to ensure that their basic human needs are met. It's a behaviour that as a child kept you alive in an unsafe environment. . Unfortunately, it's a behaviour that as an adult prevents you from having healthy, fulfilling relationships and thus perpetuates your original childhood trauma. You will need to unlearn it and the best way to start is to thank your younger self for coming up with such a clever plan. Also, you will need to get accustomed to feeling like you're disappointing others. This could be especially hard for a lifelong people pleaser but your healing and health depend on it. Continue healing 💕
  • Yesterday, during my therapy session, I got to meet my inner teenager. I didn't even suspect that could happen but there she was. I saw her so clearly and understood that it was her turn now to be heard, healed and integrated. After working with my inner child for a while, it was only natural for the next phase of my development to emerge for healing. . I have to tell you it wasn't easy and for the rest of the day I felt the depression and heaviness that this girl had to live with for a long time. I got in touch with with these feelings and all she wanted was to be allowed to feel what she felt - anger, rage, being betrayed and abandoned, disappointed and even disgusted by all the "adults" in her life. No, she wasn't ready to forgive, nor she wanted to. . But I was there for her. I am here for myself, for all of us. I am happy I got to connect with her and I am going to allow her to express all her pain. I welcome her back as she is with all her feelings and confusion. Welcome back! . Have you ever met your inner teenager?🎧 Want was she like and what did she need from you?
  • 🎈 REWRITING YOUR STORY AND RELEASING THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST🎈 Making sense of our past and childhood trauma(s) is a difficult and emotion- and time-consuming process. We will most likely go through all feelings including anger, sadness, grief, unfairness... It's all natural and necessary for the healing process. . The more you make sense of your trauma, the more you will understand your parents'/caregivers' trauma(s). The more you understand their trauma(s), the easier will become to make sense of your past. . You will understand that all trauma originates from emotional pain, pain that has not been processed healthily or has been suppressed. Pain that has not been healed is being passed down in some way to the next generation. In the example above I can continue backwards to the generation of my grandparents. And so on and so forth. . We can reframe our past trauma experiences and rewrite the stories of our lives so far. In doing so we will find emotional freedom and feel no longer trapped in unhealthy, unhappy, traumatic patterns. By healing ourselves, we heal our ancestors and a whole lot of generational trauma. Continue healing 🎈❤️
  • Forgiving those who've hurt you after childhood trauma and emotional neglect/abuse is a delicate process, to say the least, a process you can't force. Forgiving your parent(s)/caregiver(s) can only come when you've healed your inner child, when you've tended to your inner child's needs, when you've put them to the forefront and given them what they never received. . If that process is to happen to you, it will happen naturally when your child self is ready. When they feel fully seen and heard, validated and appreciated, and taken care of, that part of you will no longer be a separate fragment. It will be integrated in the whole of who you are. You will be free from the sense of being stuck and you can continue with your life journey. You become the healthy adult that you were meant to be. ❤️ . P. S. I felt I had to add this - You never ever have to forgive anything or anyone in order to heal. It's actually the other way round - forgiveness comes naturally with healing, and healing the child in you that was hurt, speaking about childhood trauma/neglect/abuse. That said, there are things that are unforgivable and forgiveness is out of reach. In those cases the term "forgiveness" can be replaced with "releasing", of toxic emotions, of any feelings that weigh You down. . What would you call that process if forgiveness sounds unacceptable for you?
  • A HUGE part of healing from childhood trauma and emotional neglect is healing the shame around who you are. That means accepting yourself fully and unconditionally, in a way you were never accepted before. This means to give yourself permission to feel and be and do whatever YOU need in any given moment and situation. No regret, no guilt, no shame - radical self-acceptance is the antidote to shame and the path to healing. It's also how you heal your inner child/child self. And that's key to healing childhood trauma and emotional neglect. Give yourself the freedom and space to feel all of your feelings, especially the difficult ones, without any judgement but with compassion and kindness. You will be thanking yourself later. ❤️
  • Childhood trauma and childhood emotional neglect (CEN) will leave you deeply feeling shame about everything you are. Shame is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you - the whole of you. Something that you'll do anything to never be found out by others. . This feeling saps the life out of you, your vitality and energy, it literally sucks out the life force that runs through all of us. Personally, it often feels is like you live in a parallel world being the observer but not the one who participates in the world. . We start feeling shame early and this happens when we continually and consistently hear criticism, feel rejected for who we are, feel unlovable and unworthy. In reality it was our caregivers who couldn't cope with us, most likely our expression of feelings and self. . Your child self/inner child is still there, alive in you. You can start giving her permission to feel and express herself freely - no criticism, no shutting down, no guilt, no shame. This way she'll learn that she's valuable and worthy to be who she is, that she won't be abandoned and rejected anymore for her feelings.❤️
  • It's a winter fairytale out there and even the grey blocks across look (kind of) nice - now you know where I live! 😁 But schools are now open after the flu epidemic and my son is finally back after being sick and then stuck at home for 3.5 weeks! . This time, I used the time as an opportunity to rest, switch off completely, and bond with him. And I believe we made the best of it - it was insightful and healing, although hard and tough at the same time. . Now, I'm completely sure that my son is here to help me heal myself and to be exact - help me heal my inner child. I start to realise that he is very much what I was as a kid but have forgotten - highly sensitive, compassionate, but also easily hurt due to feeling deeply, and feeling insecure as a result. Needing reassurance, encouragement, support and guidance, a safe place to retrieve when feeling tender and vulnerable. . I can start giving this to myself and him now. He's helping me understand myself and my needs better. It's never too late to start giving ourselves what we didn't receive as children from our caregivers. It's never to late to fill that gap and start living as whole and complete. I'm grateful for my journey 💜💚💜
  • Grief is an integral part of the healing process and there are days when it just shows up - uninvited, unexpected, much to our surprise and discomfort. . It was one of those days for me. I was so irritable and easily triggered by my son. As soon as I felt the urge to lash out and criticise him or be on his case, I knew something was off. I was honest with myself and him today. . I wasn't feeling well, I was sad, I needed time just for myself. I told him that. I also told him that it wasn't his fault the way I was feeling. I think he understood but still, the parental guilt is hard to shake. . Then I cried - I let myself feel the sadness and the grief. The unfairness and the anger that the wounded child in me feels. I felt so mad that because of my past I have to feel all this.. And hurt the people I love. . But I had to show kindness to myself. I could not let myself beat myself up. I hate the way I'm feeling but I have to be compassionate with myself and care for myself. . I know it will pass and I know it will show up again and again. It's OK. Accepting ourselves as the glorious messes that we are is the key in healing ourselves. Grief will show for you regularly on your healing journey - don't push it away, let it teach you self-acceptance and compassion and it will transcend your pain. 💜💚️💜
  • Being a parent after childhood emotional, attachment trauma is one of the greatest challenges I've faced. It's one of the strongest, most persistent triggers I've experienced. BUT. Through therapy and inner work I'm coming to understand why that is. . I feel great, although irrational, shame around being a mother. Shame so deep and inexplicable that there might be only one explanation - it's not my shame. . Digging deeper into it allowed me to see how I WAS SHAMED regularly and consistently by my mother. She projected her own shame onto me, not being able to see/feel/understand her own pain and difficult feelings. I internalised these messages and I became them. . My son's role now is to expose all of that shame so I can feel it, work with it, and release it for good. This way, breaking a transgenerational cycle of trauma and shame. Not easy, I know. The way I see it - it's a higher calling and a life mission, and this helps me continuing forward. I hope it helps you too. 💕
  • I've had a couple of relaxing days after my son (and cat) was being sick for the last two weeks. We have a flu epidemic in the city and the schools are closed for another ten days. So we've been immobilised at home for more than a month now, including the Christmas holidays. So it's been tough and stressy but I'm finally catching up and managing to enjoy the "empty" days. . Sometimes our worst fear and what we try avoiding at all costs is not having anything to do, nothing to busy ourselves with. Which would mean staying with ourselves and our close ones, and being fully present and available. And that could be terrifying. . All sorts of triggers might come up and we just have to do the work of identifying the real issues. So often we'll do just anything to avoid pain, it's how we're wired. But not facing the pain, not digging into it, not getting under it ultimately causes us so much more pain. . I was very inspired watching a Lady Gaga interview with Oprah. When you have known pain - experienced, felt, lived with it - you can't anymore turn a blind eye to it. Then, when you see someone in pain you can't just ignore them - you want to help them heal. I believe many of us are going through this sort of training right now. We need to heal our world ❤️🌍
  • 🌪️ DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ARE DIRECT RESULTS OF EXPERIENCED TRAUMA 🌪️ ° The is no doubt that depression and anxiety are linked with trauma. That said, trauma could be a very different experience for everyone. What is certain is that the traumatic event was too much for the survivor to process. ° Experiencing trauma often leaves us stuck in the past, unable to shake off the shock and the stress. On top of that, it also makes us fearful of the future. ° The numbers of people diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety are so high and continue to grow. In a way, this is cancer of the soul. ° What we need is deep healing at the root, not surface symptoms management (although that may be needed too, depending on the magnitude of the symptoms). ° It's possible, our survival as a collective, as a race and species is dependent on us healing our traumas. ° Continue onwards in healing 💕
  • I saw this quote on PsychCentral website and thought it's worth sharing. If only we can end childhood abuse and the trauma cycle it creates, we wouldn't need hundreds of pages of diagnosis manuals, billions-worth medication industry; hundreds of thousands of lives will be saved... That said, I think we need good, trauma-informed therapist more than ever now. An army of Dark Workers, if I can say that. People who are not afraid to look into the darkest corners of people's psyches with understanding, compassion and undeterred will to help them heal. Let's envision this world together, let's create this world together. 💕

Follow Me On Instagram

Recent Posts

  • Letting go never goes out of fashion imageLetting go (of what no longer serves us) never goes out of fashion
  • I am the person I am because of my trauma imageI am the person I am today because of my trauma, not despite it
  • How my son starting school is helping me heal trauma imageHow my son starting school is helping me heal trauma
  • Shyla Cash Interview ImageInterview with Shyla Cash: Narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect survivor, and a coach at Grow Heal Change
  • Childhood Emotional Neglect ImageChildhood emotional neglect – the hidden root of my pain
  • Tanya Amidei Interview ImageInterview with Tanya Amidei: Sexual abuse survivor, life coach and a spiritual writer

Categories

  • Healing & Recovery (83)
  • Healing Verses (12)
  • Spirituality (13)
  • The Empowered Women Series (9)
  • The Wonder List (4)
  • Web Wonderland (7)

Explore

Search

Follow Me On Instagram

  • People pleasing is a survival mechanism and a trauma response, also known as "fawn response". The feeling of disappointing others could be extremely uncomfortable for someone who had to please others in order to ensure that their basic human needs are met. It's a behaviour that as a child kept you alive in an unsafe environment. . Unfortunately, it's a behaviour that as an adult prevents you from having healthy, fulfilling relationships and thus perpetuates your original childhood trauma. You will need to unlearn it and the best way to start is to thank your younger self for coming up with such a clever plan. Also, you will need to get accustomed to feeling like you're disappointing others. This could be especially hard for a lifelong people pleaser but your healing and health depend on it. Continue healing 💕
  • Yesterday, during my therapy session, I got to meet my inner teenager. I didn't even suspect that could happen but there she was. I saw her so clearly and understood that it was her turn now to be heard, healed and integrated. After working with my inner child for a while, it was only natural for the next phase of my development to emerge for healing. . I have to tell you it wasn't easy and for the rest of the day I felt the depression and heaviness that this girl had to live with for a long time. I got in touch with with these feelings and all she wanted was to be allowed to feel what she felt - anger, rage, being betrayed and abandoned, disappointed and even disgusted by all the "adults" in her life. No, she wasn't ready to forgive, nor she wanted to. . But I was there for her. I am here for myself, for all of us. I am happy I got to connect with her and I am going to allow her to express all her pain. I welcome her back as she is with all her feelings and confusion. Welcome back! . Have you ever met your inner teenager?🎧 Want was she like and what did she need from you?
  • 🎈 REWRITING YOUR STORY AND RELEASING THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST🎈 Making sense of our past and childhood trauma(s) is a difficult and emotion- and time-consuming process. We will most likely go through all feelings including anger, sadness, grief, unfairness... It's all natural and necessary for the healing process. . The more you make sense of your trauma, the more you will understand your parents'/caregivers' trauma(s). The more you understand their trauma(s), the easier will become to make sense of your past. . You will understand that all trauma originates from emotional pain, pain that has not been processed healthily or has been suppressed. Pain that has not been healed is being passed down in some way to the next generation. In the example above I can continue backwards to the generation of my grandparents. And so on and so forth. . We can reframe our past trauma experiences and rewrite the stories of our lives so far. In doing so we will find emotional freedom and feel no longer trapped in unhealthy, unhappy, traumatic patterns. By healing ourselves, we heal our ancestors and a whole lot of generational trauma. Continue healing 🎈❤️
  • Forgiving those who've hurt you after childhood trauma and emotional neglect/abuse is a delicate process, to say the least, a process you can't force. Forgiving your parent(s)/caregiver(s) can only come when you've healed your inner child, when you've tended to your inner child's needs, when you've put them to the forefront and given them what they never received. . If that process is to happen to you, it will happen naturally when your child self is ready. When they feel fully seen and heard, validated and appreciated, and taken care of, that part of you will no longer be a separate fragment. It will be integrated in the whole of who you are. You will be free from the sense of being stuck and you can continue with your life journey. You become the healthy adult that you were meant to be. ❤️ . P. S. I felt I had to add this - You never ever have to forgive anything or anyone in order to heal. It's actually the other way round - forgiveness comes naturally with healing, and healing the child in you that was hurt, speaking about childhood trauma/neglect/abuse. That said, there are things that are unforgivable and forgiveness is out of reach. In those cases the term "forgiveness" can be replaced with "releasing", of toxic emotions, of any feelings that weigh You down. . What would you call that process if forgiveness sounds unacceptable for you?
  • A HUGE part of healing from childhood trauma and emotional neglect is healing the shame around who you are. That means accepting yourself fully and unconditionally, in a way you were never accepted before. This means to give yourself permission to feel and be and do whatever YOU need in any given moment and situation. No regret, no guilt, no shame - radical self-acceptance is the antidote to shame and the path to healing. It's also how you heal your inner child/child self. And that's key to healing childhood trauma and emotional neglect. Give yourself the freedom and space to feel all of your feelings, especially the difficult ones, without any judgement but with compassion and kindness. You will be thanking yourself later. ❤️
  • Childhood trauma and childhood emotional neglect (CEN) will leave you deeply feeling shame about everything you are. Shame is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you - the whole of you. Something that you'll do anything to never be found out by others. . This feeling saps the life out of you, your vitality and energy, it literally sucks out the life force that runs through all of us. Personally, it often feels is like you live in a parallel world being the observer but not the one who participates in the world. . We start feeling shame early and this happens when we continually and consistently hear criticism, feel rejected for who we are, feel unlovable and unworthy. In reality it was our caregivers who couldn't cope with us, most likely our expression of feelings and self. . Your child self/inner child is still there, alive in you. You can start giving her permission to feel and express herself freely - no criticism, no shutting down, no guilt, no shame. This way she'll learn that she's valuable and worthy to be who she is, that she won't be abandoned and rejected anymore for her feelings.❤️
  • It's a winter fairytale out there and even the grey blocks across look (kind of) nice - now you know where I live! 😁 But schools are now open after the flu epidemic and my son is finally back after being sick and then stuck at home for 3.5 weeks! . This time, I used the time as an opportunity to rest, switch off completely, and bond with him. And I believe we made the best of it - it was insightful and healing, although hard and tough at the same time. . Now, I'm completely sure that my son is here to help me heal myself and to be exact - help me heal my inner child. I start to realise that he is very much what I was as a kid but have forgotten - highly sensitive, compassionate, but also easily hurt due to feeling deeply, and feeling insecure as a result. Needing reassurance, encouragement, support and guidance, a safe place to retrieve when feeling tender and vulnerable. . I can start giving this to myself and him now. He's helping me understand myself and my needs better. It's never too late to start giving ourselves what we didn't receive as children from our caregivers. It's never to late to fill that gap and start living as whole and complete. I'm grateful for my journey 💜💚💜
  • Grief is an integral part of the healing process and there are days when it just shows up - uninvited, unexpected, much to our surprise and discomfort. . It was one of those days for me. I was so irritable and easily triggered by my son. As soon as I felt the urge to lash out and criticise him or be on his case, I knew something was off. I was honest with myself and him today. . I wasn't feeling well, I was sad, I needed time just for myself. I told him that. I also told him that it wasn't his fault the way I was feeling. I think he understood but still, the parental guilt is hard to shake. . Then I cried - I let myself feel the sadness and the grief. The unfairness and the anger that the wounded child in me feels. I felt so mad that because of my past I have to feel all this.. And hurt the people I love. . But I had to show kindness to myself. I could not let myself beat myself up. I hate the way I'm feeling but I have to be compassionate with myself and care for myself. . I know it will pass and I know it will show up again and again. It's OK. Accepting ourselves as the glorious messes that we are is the key in healing ourselves. Grief will show for you regularly on your healing journey - don't push it away, let it teach you self-acceptance and compassion and it will transcend your pain. 💜💚️💜

Follow Me On Instagram

© 2015-2019 Vilina Christoph