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Self-doubt: get out of your head and into your heart
I often find myself lost and wandering. I question choices, I search for direction, I grasp for guidance. Since I was a child I was never able to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence. I battle with doubt every time I need to make a decision or take action. This could be mentally taxing and emotionally exhausting. The struggle to stay on top and in control of things is real and relentless. If I say or do something, I doubt whether it was the right thing or if I didn’t rush it. If I don’t say or do anything, I’m wondering whether I’m being too passive or too…
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Acceptance: the path to change
“If you want to see change in your life, accept it as it is.” Lately, I find myself wanting yet another change in my life. I live in a city. About an year ago my family and I moved to Sofia, Bulgaria. It happens to be one of the most polluted capitals in Europe. I’ve started feeling the dust and the dirt of the city polluting my own life and state of mind. I find myself wanting to move again. I want to go far from the smog, the noise, the cruelty, and the trickery. Our family has suffered a few blows on our property, we’ve been stolen from, and…
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Interview with Elizabeth Johnsen: woman and mother on a path of healing and transformation
In 2015 Elizabeth contacted me through my blog – she was the very first person to reach out in such a way. Quickly we felt a much deeper connection which grew into a friendship. Even though we’ve never met in person I feel we’ve known each other for lifetimes. I know Elizabeth has been through some hard times recently and it was painful to witness her journey “from afar” but nevertheless, I never stopped feeling for her. I’m happy to see and say that she has overcome the darkness. Here are Elizabeth’s own words: Tell us a little bit about your life journey. I was raised in New Zealand by…
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Memoir: Four
Since my son was born I lived in fear, fear of the final news. I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I would become short of breath out of the blue and wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I could just try to catch my breath, get control over it. But it didn’t always work. This continued two years. I’ve missed so many moments of my son’s first two years. I simply couldn’t enjoy it, I was haunted by death every moment since he was born. I remember the pivotal moments of the first outing, first solid foods, first steps, first words, but anything in between is mostly…
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A powerful start to a new year
Last week Thursday was 11/1 (or 1/11) of year 2018 – an 11 year. That is a great deal of Number 1 in a row – an unusual occurrence and a very powerful numerology! The symbolism of the Number 1 is one of new beginnings, creation, independence, uniqueness, motivation, striving forward and progress, ambition and will power, positivity and positiveness. Number 1 also resonates with the energies of pioneering, raw energy, force, activity, self-leadership and assertiveness, initiative, instinct and intuition. For many this is the true beginning of the year. If you are like me and for the first ten days or so you didn’t quite feel the full arrival of…
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Waving goodbye to the past
I feel the last few years are catching up with me. Many feelings are coming up to the surface for first time to be illuminated. Things I realise for a first time ever. Things sometimes too grave. My life for the past 4 years has been grave in many ways. Not only, of course, but mostly. I realise now that as soon as my relationship with my partner began, it was stifled almost in the bud. Uninvited visitors, like death, grief, anxiety, came along and didn’t leave much of a space for us to breathe as a new family. My love for my partner was suffocated. My love for my…
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Memoir: Three
I spent 9 years living in Ireland, most of my adult life so far. I learned a lot. Here are some of the things I learned while there, for better or worse: I learned to drink tea with milk – in my home country we mainly drink herbal teas. It took me a good few years to accept the idea of “milky tea”. I learned to eat fried/scrambled eggs for breakfast, sometimes with beans, sausages, or bacon – where I come from we call this a packed-full lunch. I learned to apologise when somebody bumps INTO me – this one is really funny and when I do it here, I…
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On the brink of dawn
As we enter into 2018, I cannot quite get myself into thinking about resolutions, setting intentions or goals. I cannot even summon my mind to reflect back on the year 2017. I feel somewhere in between, not quite ready to let go of the old year and not quite there to welcome the new one. Perhaps this is natural, for some of us. Just as I try and think about what the past year has brought my way, I almost freeze. It’s been so much, there’s been so many lessons, too many experiences and feelings. I don’t know if I can summarise all of it in one post, one sentence,…
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Memoir: Two
When I first looked I saw one line and instantly felt relief. But when I looked closer, I could barely see the pale second line. It was positive. I was sitting on the toilet seat in the bathroom and the reality of what was happening started hitting me. I was pregnant. Once the initial panic passed, I could feel an excitement. It wasn’t a bad thing, I thought. I do love him. Of all men I’ve been with, he’s the only one I would like to have children with. I know we’ve been both silently thinking about it and agreeing on the possibility of it one day. But that day…
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Memoir: One
I went to Ireland because I was following a dream, an instinct, but most of all, I think I was following my soul’s whispers. Ireland thought me some of my greatest lessons. It set up the stage for a personal transformation to happen. My soul led me to this mysterious island so it could connect with me, so it could wake me up for my truth and my calling. Ireland also gave me the greatest gift – the gift of two soul mates, my partner and my son. They are both my greatest challengers and my deepest igniters. They hold the mirrors and the space for my awakening to take…
