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VILINA CHRISTOPH

A Woman's Story of Healing & Empowerment

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  • Healing Verses
  • Shyla Cash Interview Image
    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Shyla Cash: Narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect survivor, and a coach at Grow Heal Change

    Shyla Cash is the life coach behind Grow Heal Change Coaching, a coaching practice that helps high-performers and creatives heal mind, body, and spirit. She believes childhood trauma can be a portal to experiencing our full potential. Shyla loves to witness the process of transformation as she guides her clients through the amazing journey into the life they desire. Her own trauma history involved a childhood filled with narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect. Through her own healing, she discovered the amazing ability for humans to transcend the pain of family dysfunction into confidence, personal power, resilience, and responsibility. Shyla just got married to her amazing husband Nathan, she loves to…

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    Two weeks ago I started seeing a therapist. During the two times we met, we talked and went over the details of my past. We started with memories from my childhood and moved towards the more recent past. We made a plan – a timeline of particularly traumatic experiences and we’re going to work with each memory and event separately. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk freely about my past and everything that has happened so far. I had a brief experience of therapy back in Ireland right after my sister died but at the time, I had no idea of the magnitude of traumatic stress I was experiencing.…

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    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of May

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    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Amie Johnson: Trauma survivor and a host of The HeART of Healing podcast

    I “met” with Amie via Instagram and instantly felt we have much in common. She’s recently come out of years of dealing with trauma symptoms and mental health (mis)diagnoses and is moving on in her healing journey. I always appreciate her heartfelt and honest posts, and find much wisdom in her words and story. Here are Amie’s own words: Tell us a little bit about your life journey. This question always gets me! I’ll give you the “nutshell version.” I was born and raised in a small, beach town in West Michigan. My childhood was a strange dichotomy of idyllic and awful. I had an emotionally and physically abusive dad, and…

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Vilina Christoph Headshot Image

Hello & Welcome

I am Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. I use words to transmute the pain and adversity into fuel for growth and empowerment. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and transform our lives from within. I am passionate about helping women heal, grow and feel empowered to build and live a full authentic life.

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  • Yesterday, during my therapy session, I got to meet my inner teenager. I didn't even suspect that could happen but there she was. I saw her so clearly and understood that it was her turn now to be heard, healed and integrated. After working with my inner child for a while, it was only natural for the next phase of my development to emerge for healing. . I have to tell you it wasn't easy and for the rest of the day I felt the depression and heaviness that this girl had to live with for a long time. I got in touch with with these feelings and all she wanted was to be allowed to feel what she felt - anger, rage, being betrayed and abandoned, disappointed and even disgusted by all the "adults" in her life. No, she wasn't ready to forgive, nor she wanted to. . But I was there for her. I am here for myself, for all of us. I am happy I got to connect with her and I am going to allow her to express all her pain. I welcome her back as she is with all her feelings and confusion. Welcome back! . Have you ever met your inner teenager?🎧 Want was she like and what did she need from you?
  • 🎈 REWRITING YOUR STORY AND RELEASING THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST🎈 Making sense of our past and childhood trauma(s) is a difficult and emotion- and time-consuming process. We will most likely go through all feelings including anger, sadness, grief, unfairness... It's all natural and necessary for the healing process. . The more you make sense of your trauma, the more you will understand your parents'/caregivers' trauma(s). The more you understand their trauma(s), the easier will become to make sense of your past. . You will understand that all trauma originates from emotional pain, pain that has not been processed healthily or has been suppressed. Pain that has not been healed is being passed down in some way to the next generation. In the example above I can continue backwards to the generation of my grandparents. And so on and so forth. . We can reframe our past trauma experiences and rewrite the stories of our lives so far. In doing so we will find emotional freedom and feel no longer trapped in unhealthy, unhappy, traumatic patterns. By healing ourselves, we heal our ancestors and a whole lot of generational trauma. Continue healing 🎈❤️
  • Forgiving those who've hurt you after childhood trauma and emotional neglect/abuse is a delicate process, to say the least, a process you can't force. Forgiving your parent(s)/caregiver(s) can only come when you've healed your inner child, when you've tended to your inner child's needs, when you've put them to the forefront and given them what they never received. . If that process is to happen to you, it will happen naturally when your child self is ready. When they feel fully seen and heard, validated and appreciated, and taken care of, that part of you will no longer be a separate fragment. It will be integrated in the whole of who you are. You will be free from the sense of being stuck and you can continue with your life journey. You become the healthy adult that you were meant to be. ❤️ . P. S. I felt I had to add this - You never ever have to forgive anything or anyone in order to heal. It's actually the other way round - forgiveness comes naturally with healing, and healing the child in you that was hurt, speaking about childhood trauma/neglect/abuse. That said, there are things that are unforgivable and forgiveness is out of reach. In those cases the term "forgiveness" can be replaced with "releasing", of toxic emotions, of any feelings that weigh You down. . What would you call that process if forgiveness sounds unacceptable for you?
  • A HUGE part of healing from childhood trauma and emotional neglect is healing the shame around who you are. That means accepting yourself fully and unconditionally, in a way you were never accepted before. This means to give yourself permission to feel and be and do whatever YOU need in any given moment and situation. No regret, no guilt, no shame - radical self-acceptance is the antidote to shame and the path to healing. It's also how you heal your inner child/child self. And that's key to healing childhood trauma and emotional neglect. Give yourself the freedom and space to feel all of your feelings, especially the difficult ones, without any judgement but with compassion and kindness. You will be thanking yourself later. ❤️
  • Childhood trauma and childhood emotional neglect (CEN) will leave you deeply feeling shame about everything you are. Shame is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you - the whole of you. Something that you'll do anything to never be found out by others. . This feeling saps the life out of you, your vitality and energy, it literally sucks out the life force that runs through all of us. Personally, it often feels is like you live in a parallel world being the observer but not the one who participates in the world. . We start feeling shame early and this happens when we continually and consistently hear criticism, feel rejected for who we are, feel unlovable and unworthy. In reality it was our caregivers who couldn't cope with us, most likely our expression of feelings and self. . Your child self/inner child is still there, alive in you. You can start giving her permission to feel and express herself freely - no criticism, no shutting down, no guilt, no shame. This way she'll learn that she's valuable and worthy to be who she is, that she won't be abandoned and rejected anymore for her feelings.❤️
  • It's a winter fairytale out there and even the grey blocks across look (kind of) nice - now you know where I live! 😁 But schools are now open after the flu epidemic and my son is finally back after being sick and then stuck at home for 3.5 weeks! . This time, I used the time as an opportunity to rest, switch off completely, and bond with him. And I believe we made the best of it - it was insightful and healing, although hard and tough at the same time. . Now, I'm completely sure that my son is here to help me heal myself and to be exact - help me heal my inner child. I start to realise that he is very much what I was as a kid but have forgotten - highly sensitive, compassionate, but also easily hurt due to feeling deeply, and feeling insecure as a result. Needing reassurance, encouragement, support and guidance, a safe place to retrieve when feeling tender and vulnerable. . I can start giving this to myself and him now. He's helping me understand myself and my needs better. It's never too late to start giving ourselves what we didn't receive as children from our caregivers. It's never to late to fill that gap and start living as whole and complete. I'm grateful for my journey 💜💚💜
  • Grief is an integral part of the healing process and there are days when it just shows up - uninvited, unexpected, much to our surprise and discomfort. . It was one of those days for me. I was so irritable and easily triggered by my son. As soon as I felt the urge to lash out and criticise him or be on his case, I knew something was off. I was honest with myself and him today. . I wasn't feeling well, I was sad, I needed time just for myself. I told him that. I also told him that it wasn't his fault the way I was feeling. I think he understood but still, the parental guilt is hard to shake. . Then I cried - I let myself feel the sadness and the grief. The unfairness and the anger that the wounded child in me feels. I felt so mad that because of my past I have to feel all this.. And hurt the people I love. . But I had to show kindness to myself. I could not let myself beat myself up. I hate the way I'm feeling but I have to be compassionate with myself and care for myself. . I know it will pass and I know it will show up again and again. It's OK. Accepting ourselves as the glorious messes that we are is the key in healing ourselves. Grief will show for you regularly on your healing journey - don't push it away, let it teach you self-acceptance and compassion and it will transcend your pain. 💜💚️💜
  • Being a parent after childhood emotional, attachment trauma is one of the greatest challenges I've faced. It's one of the strongest, most persistent triggers I've experienced. BUT. Through therapy and inner work I'm coming to understand why that is. . I feel great, although irrational, shame around being a mother. Shame so deep and inexplicable that there might be only one explanation - it's not my shame. . Digging deeper into it allowed me to see how I WAS SHAMED regularly and consistently by my mother. She projected her own shame onto me, not being able to see/feel/understand her own pain and difficult feelings. I internalised these messages and I became them. . My son's role now is to expose all of that shame so I can feel it, work with it, and release it for good. This way, breaking a transgenerational cycle of trauma and shame. Not easy, I know. The way I see it - it's a higher calling and a life mission, and this helps me continuing forward. I hope it helps you too. 💕
  • I've had a couple of relaxing days after my son (and cat) was being sick for the last two weeks. We have a flu epidemic in the city and the schools are closed for another ten days. So we've been immobilised at home for more than a month now, including the Christmas holidays. So it's been tough and stressy but I'm finally catching up and managing to enjoy the "empty" days. . Sometimes our worst fear and what we try avoiding at all costs is not having anything to do, nothing to busy ourselves with. Which would mean staying with ourselves and our close ones, and being fully present and available. And that could be terrifying. . All sorts of triggers might come up and we just have to do the work of identifying the real issues. So often we'll do just anything to avoid pain, it's how we're wired. But not facing the pain, not digging into it, not getting under it ultimately causes us so much more pain. . I was very inspired watching a Lady Gaga interview with Oprah. When you have known pain - experienced, felt, lived with it - you can't anymore turn a blind eye to it. Then, when you see someone in pain you can't just ignore them - you want to help them heal. I believe many of us are going through this sort of training right now. We need to heal our world ❤️🌍
  • 🌪️ DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY ARE DIRECT RESULTS OF EXPERIENCED TRAUMA 🌪️ ° The is no doubt that depression and anxiety are linked with trauma. That said, trauma could be a very different experience for everyone. What is certain is that the traumatic event was too much for the survivor to process. ° Experiencing trauma often leaves us stuck in the past, unable to shake off the shock and the stress. On top of that, it also makes us fearful of the future. ° The numbers of people diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety are so high and continue to grow. In a way, this is cancer of the soul. ° What we need is deep healing at the root, not surface symptoms management (although that may be needed too, depending on the magnitude of the symptoms). ° It's possible, our survival as a collective, as a race and species is dependent on us healing our traumas. ° Continue onwards in healing 💕
  • I saw this quote on PsychCentral website and thought it's worth sharing. If only we can end childhood abuse and the trauma cycle it creates, we wouldn't need hundreds of pages of diagnosis manuals, billions-worth medication industry; hundreds of thousands of lives will be saved... That said, I think we need good, trauma-informed therapist more than ever now. An army of Dark Workers, if I can say that. People who are not afraid to look into the darkest corners of people's psyches with understanding, compassion and undeterred will to help them heal. Let's envision this world together, let's create this world together. 💕
  • IF YOU SUFFER FROM PERFECTIONISM and high, unrelenting standards, write these down somewhere, carry them with you all the time and repeat them like a mantra! 📝🔮 .. This is a common aftereffect of trauma and one of the lifetraps as Dr. Jeffrey Young calls them in his book on Schema Therapy. If you grew up with a critical parent, it's very likely you've incorporated that critical voice. Your parents criticalness and perfectionism became yours. Perhaps it was the only way to receive love and attention. .. As much as your (near) perfect ways of being are quite honestly admirable, they take away your joy, spontaneity and playfulness. Remind yourself that good enough is perfect and that it's not all about perfection but also growth and progress. 💕

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Recent Posts

  • Letting go never goes out of fashion imageLetting go (of what no longer serves us) never goes out of fashion
  • I am the person I am because of my trauma imageI am the person I am today because of my trauma, not despite it
  • How my son starting school is helping me heal trauma imageHow my son starting school is helping me heal trauma
  • Shyla Cash Interview ImageInterview with Shyla Cash: Narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect survivor, and a coach at Grow Heal Change
  • Childhood Emotional Neglect ImageChildhood emotional neglect – the hidden root of my pain
  • Tanya Amidei Interview ImageInterview with Tanya Amidei: Sexual abuse survivor, life coach and a spiritual writer

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  • Yesterday, during my therapy session, I got to meet my inner teenager. I didn't even suspect that could happen but there she was. I saw her so clearly and understood that it was her turn now to be heard, healed and integrated. After working with my inner child for a while, it was only natural for the next phase of my development to emerge for healing. . I have to tell you it wasn't easy and for the rest of the day I felt the depression and heaviness that this girl had to live with for a long time. I got in touch with with these feelings and all she wanted was to be allowed to feel what she felt - anger, rage, being betrayed and abandoned, disappointed and even disgusted by all the "adults" in her life. No, she wasn't ready to forgive, nor she wanted to. . But I was there for her. I am here for myself, for all of us. I am happy I got to connect with her and I am going to allow her to express all her pain. I welcome her back as she is with all her feelings and confusion. Welcome back! . Have you ever met your inner teenager?🎧 Want was she like and what did she need from you?
  • 🎈 REWRITING YOUR STORY AND RELEASING THE PAIN FROM YOUR PAST🎈 Making sense of our past and childhood trauma(s) is a difficult and emotion- and time-consuming process. We will most likely go through all feelings including anger, sadness, grief, unfairness... It's all natural and necessary for the healing process. . The more you make sense of your trauma, the more you will understand your parents'/caregivers' trauma(s). The more you understand their trauma(s), the easier will become to make sense of your past. . You will understand that all trauma originates from emotional pain, pain that has not been processed healthily or has been suppressed. Pain that has not been healed is being passed down in some way to the next generation. In the example above I can continue backwards to the generation of my grandparents. And so on and so forth. . We can reframe our past trauma experiences and rewrite the stories of our lives so far. In doing so we will find emotional freedom and feel no longer trapped in unhealthy, unhappy, traumatic patterns. By healing ourselves, we heal our ancestors and a whole lot of generational trauma. Continue healing 🎈❤️
  • Forgiving those who've hurt you after childhood trauma and emotional neglect/abuse is a delicate process, to say the least, a process you can't force. Forgiving your parent(s)/caregiver(s) can only come when you've healed your inner child, when you've tended to your inner child's needs, when you've put them to the forefront and given them what they never received. . If that process is to happen to you, it will happen naturally when your child self is ready. When they feel fully seen and heard, validated and appreciated, and taken care of, that part of you will no longer be a separate fragment. It will be integrated in the whole of who you are. You will be free from the sense of being stuck and you can continue with your life journey. You become the healthy adult that you were meant to be. ❤️ . P. S. I felt I had to add this - You never ever have to forgive anything or anyone in order to heal. It's actually the other way round - forgiveness comes naturally with healing, and healing the child in you that was hurt, speaking about childhood trauma/neglect/abuse. That said, there are things that are unforgivable and forgiveness is out of reach. In those cases the term "forgiveness" can be replaced with "releasing", of toxic emotions, of any feelings that weigh You down. . What would you call that process if forgiveness sounds unacceptable for you?
  • A HUGE part of healing from childhood trauma and emotional neglect is healing the shame around who you are. That means accepting yourself fully and unconditionally, in a way you were never accepted before. This means to give yourself permission to feel and be and do whatever YOU need in any given moment and situation. No regret, no guilt, no shame - radical self-acceptance is the antidote to shame and the path to healing. It's also how you heal your inner child/child self. And that's key to healing childhood trauma and emotional neglect. Give yourself the freedom and space to feel all of your feelings, especially the difficult ones, without any judgement but with compassion and kindness. You will be thanking yourself later. ❤️
  • Childhood trauma and childhood emotional neglect (CEN) will leave you deeply feeling shame about everything you are. Shame is the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you - the whole of you. Something that you'll do anything to never be found out by others. . This feeling saps the life out of you, your vitality and energy, it literally sucks out the life force that runs through all of us. Personally, it often feels is like you live in a parallel world being the observer but not the one who participates in the world. . We start feeling shame early and this happens when we continually and consistently hear criticism, feel rejected for who we are, feel unlovable and unworthy. In reality it was our caregivers who couldn't cope with us, most likely our expression of feelings and self. . Your child self/inner child is still there, alive in you. You can start giving her permission to feel and express herself freely - no criticism, no shutting down, no guilt, no shame. This way she'll learn that she's valuable and worthy to be who she is, that she won't be abandoned and rejected anymore for her feelings.❤️
  • It's a winter fairytale out there and even the grey blocks across look (kind of) nice - now you know where I live! 😁 But schools are now open after the flu epidemic and my son is finally back after being sick and then stuck at home for 3.5 weeks! . This time, I used the time as an opportunity to rest, switch off completely, and bond with him. And I believe we made the best of it - it was insightful and healing, although hard and tough at the same time. . Now, I'm completely sure that my son is here to help me heal myself and to be exact - help me heal my inner child. I start to realise that he is very much what I was as a kid but have forgotten - highly sensitive, compassionate, but also easily hurt due to feeling deeply, and feeling insecure as a result. Needing reassurance, encouragement, support and guidance, a safe place to retrieve when feeling tender and vulnerable. . I can start giving this to myself and him now. He's helping me understand myself and my needs better. It's never too late to start giving ourselves what we didn't receive as children from our caregivers. It's never to late to fill that gap and start living as whole and complete. I'm grateful for my journey 💜💚💜
  • Grief is an integral part of the healing process and there are days when it just shows up - uninvited, unexpected, much to our surprise and discomfort. . It was one of those days for me. I was so irritable and easily triggered by my son. As soon as I felt the urge to lash out and criticise him or be on his case, I knew something was off. I was honest with myself and him today. . I wasn't feeling well, I was sad, I needed time just for myself. I told him that. I also told him that it wasn't his fault the way I was feeling. I think he understood but still, the parental guilt is hard to shake. . Then I cried - I let myself feel the sadness and the grief. The unfairness and the anger that the wounded child in me feels. I felt so mad that because of my past I have to feel all this.. And hurt the people I love. . But I had to show kindness to myself. I could not let myself beat myself up. I hate the way I'm feeling but I have to be compassionate with myself and care for myself. . I know it will pass and I know it will show up again and again. It's OK. Accepting ourselves as the glorious messes that we are is the key in healing ourselves. Grief will show for you regularly on your healing journey - don't push it away, let it teach you self-acceptance and compassion and it will transcend your pain. 💜💚️💜
  • Being a parent after childhood emotional, attachment trauma is one of the greatest challenges I've faced. It's one of the strongest, most persistent triggers I've experienced. BUT. Through therapy and inner work I'm coming to understand why that is. . I feel great, although irrational, shame around being a mother. Shame so deep and inexplicable that there might be only one explanation - it's not my shame. . Digging deeper into it allowed me to see how I WAS SHAMED regularly and consistently by my mother. She projected her own shame onto me, not being able to see/feel/understand her own pain and difficult feelings. I internalised these messages and I became them. . My son's role now is to expose all of that shame so I can feel it, work with it, and release it for good. This way, breaking a transgenerational cycle of trauma and shame. Not easy, I know. The way I see it - it's a higher calling and a life mission, and this helps me continuing forward. I hope it helps you too. 💕

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