Coming out from the mud and continuing onward
I am grateful for where I am on my journey. I am grateful for the mud I had to come through. I am grateful for the waters that held me while I was rising up. I am grateful for the air that touched my skin upon my resurfacing. I am grateful for the roots that kept me in place. I am grateful for the process, for the journey, for the experience, for my life. On 15th October it was 7 years since the death of my mother. Here’s what I wrote: I was only 26 at the time. I remember trying to rationalise and intellectualise the shock of her…
Motherhood and enjoying the present moment
For a first time in my life I feel like I’m enjoying being a mother and my relationship with my son. I was too naive and maybe somewhat young when I became a mother. We’ve only been together with my partner for an year when I got pregnant. But we said yes to it, yes to all this family-making, children-raising thing. And it was good for a while. But soon it became clear that this isn’t what I thought it would be. It soon became clear that instead of building a family, there was a wall being built between me and everything around me. And I closed down and shut…
The anatomy of desire and manifesting
Two weeks ago I had an epiphany moment. It was a moment of full blown joy. I felt happy all the way through from the depths of my soul. It was a moment on my journey in which I felt I’ve passed some rite of passage and have shifted energies and moved forward on my path. It is an indescribable feeling and something I’ve never experienced before – it could probably be best described by the word BLISS. A couple of days later my dad came to visit and we shared a day of warmness and closeness. Then he had to go and even though we’ve said temporary “goodbyes” to…
You’re not alone in your pain
I’m crying but I’m happy. I’m happy because in the depths of my soul I am happy, happier than I’ve ever been. But I’m also crying and that’s because I’m crying out all the pain my mother, my sister, all the women in my family, and all the women in the world for centuries had felt. But I’m happy because I’m shifting all that pain. I’m crying because they couldn’t transform the pain, they felt it and lived with it till their very last breath. But I’m happy because they will be free, I am setting them, myself and the future generations free, now. From all that couldn’t be said,…
That girl – a birthday poem
As a birthday present to myself I wrote this poem. It’s as much a celebration of my own existence and divinity as of any other woman and human being. It is our birthright to be loved and celebrated and today I celebrate with all of you. <3 That Girl That girl, She’s been through a lot. That girl, She’s touched the rock bottom. That girl, She’s been in the trenches. That girl, She’s been through thick and thin. … That girl. She’s rising up. That girl, She’s remembering how to fly. That girl, An ocean of wisdom and grace, That girl, You’ll never forget her face. … She’s the girl…
Happy where I am
I will make a confession to you: I’ve never been happier in my life. As I write this I can feel the tears pushing to come through. But these are happy tears. These are the tears of a revelation, of an epiphany, of a breakthrough, of a triumph! In just the last few weeks I’ve come to a point of a full blown transformation. I’ve always kept the subject of transformation to the forefront, understanding it’s an essential step of the human journey and what I was going through. Now I feel this shift happening in my body, in my very cells. After two years of inner turmoil and actively…
Follow your feelings
You have been given the power to feel for a reason. It is not a curse, nor a weakness. Your feelings are your built-in guidance system. Trust them. Never question or doubt them. Learn to listen to their subtle moves. Catch them when they are gentle ripples rather than when they’ve escalated into stormy waves. Follow the good feelings. When do you really feel good? Do more of that! And the bad ones – acknowledge them. What are they telling you? Do not ignore them, they are telling you something. Your feelings are your connection to your source, they are the way you are spoken to by your god. Never…
Moving towards joy
Recently I’ve been feeling the need to move away from trauma and focus more on joy. And what that internal feeling symbolises is that my being is ready to shift from one vibration to another. I am aligning myself with the vibration of joy. Until now, even if I’ve wanted more joy in my life and tried to attain it, I wasn’t aligned with it vibrationally since I was anchored in a lot of pain. For the last two years I’ve been actively soul-searching and self-querying. This month is full two years since I came back to writing after a long pause. Since then I’ve done major inner excavation work.…
To my dear child
I thought I was coping with my reality until I realised that I was just trying to escape from it. The key to enjoying my life is to actually embrace it, as it is. I was running away from you, thinking you were the problem. When in fact, you are the one who will hold me through the problem. Regardless of everything else, I have the greatest gift of life – you, my child. My son – my mirror, my reflection. All my pain projected onto you. I called you many things – all projections of what I’ve been hurting from in my life and relationships. My dear child, you’re…
Coming full circle
Last time I mentioned I couldn’t wait for my holidays away from the city and all that has been happening for the last few months. Now, it’s been two weeks into August and I’m just starting to feel some sort of relief and relaxation. It was somewhat hectic and messy so far actually. My son and I are currently staying in my granny’s house where we spent our winter with my partner just after we moved from Ireland to Bulgaria and before we moved to the capital. My father was also here but left today and the house has quietened down a bit, hence being able to write. My son…
