• Healing & Recovery
  • The Empowered Women Series
  • The Wonder List
  • Web Wonderland
  • Spirituality
  • Healing Verses

VILINA CHRISTOPH

A Woman's Story of Healing & Empowerment

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  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Healing & Recovery
  • The Empowered Women Series
  • The Wonder List
  • Web Wonderland
  • Spirituality
  • Healing Verses
The Empowered Women Series

Interview with Amie Johnson: Trauma survivor and a host of The HeART of Healing podcast

I “met” with Amie via Instagram and instantly felt we have much in common. She’s recently come out of years of dealing with trauma symptoms and mental health (mis)diagnoses and…

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Web Wonderland

Web Wonderland No.4: How your ancestors’ experiences affect you, learn to tap away your fear, and live a loveable life

Hey You! March is here – one of my favourite months – the winter’s pretty much over, the sun’s warming up everything back to life, and in Bulgaria we have…

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Healing & Recovery

Coming full circle

Last time I mentioned I couldn’t wait for my holidays away from the city and all that has been happening for the last few months. Now, it’s been two weeks…

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Healing Verses

Motherhood and enjoying the present moment

For a first time in my life I feel like I’m enjoying being a mother and my relationship with my son. I was too naive and maybe somewhat young when…

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The Empowered Women Series

Interview with Dari Frampton: A woman on a journey of transformation, healing & discovering her true self

Dari is an old friend from my teenage years back in my hometown. For more than a decade I haven’t heard from her until one day in 2017 Dari got…

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  • Shyla Cash Interview Image
    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Shyla Cash: Narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect survivor, and a coach at Grow Heal Change

    Shyla Cash is the life coach behind Grow Heal Change Coaching, a coaching practice that helps high-performers and creatives heal mind, body, and spirit. She believes childhood trauma can be a portal to experiencing our full potential. Shyla loves to witness the process of transformation as she guides her clients through the amazing journey into the life they desire. Her…

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    Interview with Alexis Rose: Author of Untangled, a story of resilience, courage, and triumph

    29th March 2017
    Elizabeth Johnsen Interview Image

    Interview with Elizabeth Johnsen: woman and mother on a path of healing and transformation

    29th January 2018
    A hopeful start and a pat on the back image

    A hopeful start and a pat on the back

    17th January 2016
  • Childhood Emotional Neglect Image
    Healing & Recovery

    Childhood emotional neglect – the hidden root of my pain

    I just had my second EMDR therapy session. In EMDR we focus on a particular memory from our life – usually a traumatic one. I was working with an image of me when I was a child and my mother who was particularly unresponsive to my needs. Just to remind you, at the beginning of therapy my therapist confirmed that…

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    Quiet confidence: living in alignment with what our souls desire

    2nd March 2017
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    Taking the first steps

    6th February 2016
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    A new breath of life

    21st January 2016
  • Tanya Amidei Interview Image
    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Tanya Amidei: Sexual abuse survivor, life coach and a spiritual writer

    Tanya is one of the beautiful people I’ve met on Instagram. Her posts are deep and poetic and full of wisdom and truth. Her personal story is truly poignant but her strength, her spirit and her faith have transformed her into the woman she is today. Tanya is a Life Coach and writer who lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado. She…

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    Happy where I am

    13th September 2017
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    Self-doubt: get out of your head and into your heart

    14th February 2018
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    Cutting through clouds and fear

    17th October 2016
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    Healing & Recovery

    My Pain is My Power

    Two weeks ago I started seeing a therapist. During the two times we met, we talked and went over the details of my past. We started with memories from my childhood and moved towards the more recent past. We made a plan – a timeline of particularly traumatic experiences and we’re going to work with each memory and event separately.…

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    The death of the self image

    The death of the self: on toddler troubles, being human and name change

    4th November 2015
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    Interview with Elizabeth Johnsen: woman and mother on a path of healing and transformation

    29th January 2018
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    The four steps of personal transformation

    30th January 2017
  • The Wonder List June Image
    The Wonder List

    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of June

    “Every day may not be a good day, but there is something good in every day.” ~ unknown  &   “People say ‘find the good one and leave the bad ones’. But I say ‘find good in people and ignore the bad in them’ because no one is perfect.” ~ unknown   Hey Beautiful! It’s the month of June and…

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    Dreams of freedom and defining values

    25th September 2016

    What I learned from my physical and mental instability episode

    18th July 2018
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    The Rise of the Feminine and the next stage of my spiritual journey

    28th May 2018
  • Dari Frampton Interview Image
    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Dari Frampton: A woman on a journey of transformation, healing & discovering her true self

    Dari is an old friend from my teenage years back in my hometown. For more than a decade I haven’t heard from her until one day in 2017 Dari got in touch with me while experiencing a personal crisis. She was on the verge of her own spiritual journey of self-discovery and awareness. Since that day, we’ve restored our connection…

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    Life and life’s challenges

    17th July 2017
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    To my dear child

    4th September 2017
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    The anatomy of desire and manifesting

    28th September 2017
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    Healing & Recovery

    “If I only could make them happy…”

    My inner journey of healing and discovery is reaching a turning point. For the past 5 years, I’ve been digging and going deeper and more inward like it was my job. And it was my full-time job – I’ve taken this task of nurturing self-understanding and awareness so seriously, it became my primary focus and priority. Layer by layer, I’ve…

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    Saying Thanks

    31st December 2015
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    Setting ourselves free from the pain of the past

    20th June 2018
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    On the brink of dawn

    4th January 2018
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    The Wonder List

    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of May

    “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” ~ Morrie Schwartz   Hey everyone! I can’t believe it’s already May and the spring is in full swing! In Bulgaria, this is one of the months with the most holidays and days off. I’m just back from some travelling…

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    The hidden gift in every difficulty

    6th July 2017
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    Identifying triggers and breaking free from the past

    2nd May 2017
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    Learning to love ourselves

    30th December 2015
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    The Empowered Women Series

    Interview with Laura Lee: Therapist and Coach at Scapegoats Anonymous

    Laura and I connected through Instagram a while ago and she’s definitely made my feed feel educational and enriching. Her posts are full of gems of wisdom and her self-awareness is inspiring. What I didn’t know about her was her “subtle” sense of humour 🙂 Here are Laura’s own words: Tell us a little about your life journey. I grew up…

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    A message from the goddess Isis

    8th November 2016
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    How trauma and codependency in childhood can cause toxic mommy guilt

    6th November 2018
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    Dear beautiful you

    9th October 2017
  • The Wonder List April Image
    The Wonder List

    The Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of April

    “Choose your thoughts carefully. Keep what brings you peace, release what brings you suffering. And know that happiness is just a thought away.” ~ Unknown Goal for the month: Take steps courageously towards achieving your goals and desires, be bold and confident in what you want, do not let fear interfere with your clarity and determination.   Things I’m grateful…

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    Coming out from the mud and continuing onward

    16th October 2017
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    My Pain is My Power

    17th June 2019
    How childhood trauma robs away your power image

    How childhood trauma robs your power away and how to take it back

    15th November 2018
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Vilina Christoph Headshot Image

Hello & Welcome

I am Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and recovery from childhood trauma and abuse. I use words to transmute the pain and adversity into fuel for growth and empowerment. I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and transform our lives from within. I am passionate about helping women heal, grow and feel empowered to build and live a full authentic life.

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  • Such a great post by Nicole @the.holistic.psychologist 🙏🙏🙏 • You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here. Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience. Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime. No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach. I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work. Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs. And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again. Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own. Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers • Reposted from @the.holistic.psychologist
  • Playing with the foliage in my father's garden 🌿 We arrived today at his house with my son to spend a few days before heading to the seaside. I was getting a bit edgy after spending two and a half hot summer months in the city. It was good but it was time for a move before we plunge into school season in September. • Happy Full Moon in Aquarius tomorrow! Wish me fun on my travels, I'll be back in about 10 days 🌴🏖🌴
  • Sometimes I want to be already "healed", I want to feel "ready", I want to be doing everything I've been wanting to be doing. I feel impatient and I want to be "there" already. • However, I've learned to recognise that that's when my ego has takes up the driving seat. But my higher self knows that all that is an illusion. • The healing journey is a process, and not a linear one. Being healed isn't an end destination, it's a never-ending story, we wouldn't be here on earth otherwise. • Readiness is just a way of fooling ourselves that we can't have what we want right now. It's a way of avoiding fear and discomfort. But there is no growth without pain. • This is a reminder to take a step at a time, give thanks for your process and to remember to stop from time to time and enjoy the view from the path you're on. 💚🌿💚
  • ⚡ HIGH STANDARDS AND CRITICALNESS ⚡ • Another core belief/pattern from Schema Therapy is Relentless Standards and Hypercriticalness. It's one that I have and struggle with on daily basis. • In essence, the high standards we have towards ourselves and others usually serve as a compensation for the feeling of low self-worth. The relentless striving to be “perfect” is a way to soothe our feelings of shame, to avoid feeling rejected, or because of fear of failure. Another reason is that we could’ve grown up with critical, perfectionistic parents and that’s what we’ve learned and internalised. • Our high standards can come up as extreme orderliness (being pedantic), orientation towards achieving goals (being a workaholic), or seeking status (external recognition). These different behaviours compensate for different fears we might have. • The truth is that keeping up high standards can come at an extremely high price - most of our energy goes in keeping them and our health and relationships can suffer. Often we feel pressured and burdened by the weight and impossibleness of those standards. • I’ve noticed for myself that I can’t say “I don’t know” - I feel an internal obligation that I have to have the answers. To not know would mean that I’m less of a person, that I’m a failure, or not good enough. But the responsibility I feel is too great and the weight is crushing me. • High standards sap the energy, joy, pleasure, and spontaneity of life. You may achieve perfection according to your high standards but you will not have anything left in you to enjoy it. In fact, you’ll most likely find the next goal and work relentlessly towards that. But you can heal and stop the cycle. • Do you relate? How do you cope with your standards? 💚
  • 🍁 MY EXPERIENCE WITH EMDR 🍁 • The experience of EMDR is difficult to describe with words - it happens on a deep emotional level and words are not even necessary during the process. But I found it very gentle even though it could bring you to the deepest depths of your inner world. • That’s what happened to me - all the three sessions I’ve had so far took me to places I’ve not expected and even thought they exist. As a rule, you start working with a memory you have and then you follow the feelings, thoughts and sensations you feel with your body and mind. You continue following the trail until you usually come across the root, as I see it. • During my second session, I’ve discovered an emotional “tumour” in my chest area and I figured this was all the pain I’ve felt during my childhood years of emotional deprivation and neglect, stored within my body and around my heart. During the last session, towards the end, I found myself in a desert, which I figured was symbolic of how alone and lost I’ve felt as a child. • It was all very powerful and emotional. And even though it is difficult to confront these suppressed feelings, after that we could release the stuck emotions and integrate those painful memories. They become part of our story but no longer have an emotional hold over our present lives. • I’m looking forward to more EMDR sessions with my therapist and I can recommend it to everyone who’s suffered trauma in the past. I’ve read that it’s particularly helpful with a single event traumas and PTSD. Childhood trauma and abuse (and Complex PTSD) could be trickier and you may need to combine more that one healing approach. So far I’m grateful I’ve found EMDR and that it’s helping me with my childhood trauma. We also work with Schema during my therapy. • Have you tried EMDR? What's your experience with it? 🍁
  • I've had my third EMDR session and I'm amazed by its power in assisting healing from trauma. I've selected a few quotes from "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk @thebodykeepsthescore • Like many scientific advances, EMDR originated with a chance observation. One day in 1987 psychologist Francine Shapiro was walking through a park, preoccupied with some painful memories, when she noticed that rapid eye movements produced a dramatic relief from her distress.[..]Initially skeptical about her observation she subjected her method to years of experimentation and research, gradually building it into a standardized procedure that could be taught and tested in controlled studies. • EMDR loosens up something in the mind/brain that gives people rapid access to loosely associated memories and images from their past. This seems to help them put the traumatic experience into a larger context or perspective. • People may be able to heal from trauma without talking about it. EMDR enables them to observe their experiences in a new way, without verbal give-and-take with another person. EMDR can help even if the patient and the therapist do not have a trusting relationship. This was particularly intriguing because trauma, understandably, rarely leaves people with an open, trusting heart. • In contrast, EMDR, as well as the treatments discussed in subsequent chapters—internal family systems, yoga, neurofeedback, psychomotor therapy, and theater—focus not only on regulating the intense memories activated by trauma but also on restoring a sense of agency, engagement, and commitment through ownership of body and mind. • As we’ve seen, traumatic memories persist as split-off, unmodified images, sensations, and feelings. To my mind the most remarkable feature of EMDR is its apparent capacity to activate a series of unsought and seemingly unrelated sensations, emotions, images, and thoughts in conjunction with the original memory. This way of reassembling old information into new packages may be just the way we integrate ordinary, nontraumatic day-to-day experiences. 💚
  • Emotional Deprivation is one of the early maladaptive schemas in Schema Therapy. It is the fundamental belief that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. It usually starts very early before the child is verbal and it crystallises as a deep feeling inside that he/she will never be seen, heard, understood, acknowledged. • It often is described as a feeling of emptiness inside, loneliness, and a lack of something essential. It's a very common condition but often hard to discover and pin down. Partially, this is because emotional neglect as described by many is not the act of commission (as in abuse) but rather the act of omission i.e. the feelings of lack and emptiness. • If you often feel as described above you may have felt emotionally deprived as a child. Your mother (or mother figure) may have not met your emotional needs adequately or consistently. She may have met some needs, like your physical needs, but may not have been attuned to your internal world or provided protection or guidance. • This may lead to unsatisfactory, disappointing and damaging relationship patterns which could only deepen your wounds. Schema Therapy is helpful in understanding the origin and workings of Emotional Deprivation/Neglect. And EMDR therapy could be helpful in working with painful and traumatic memories.
  • Do you feel guilty when you prioritise yourself? Is the guilt that you feel so much that you continually sacrifice your needs to avoid feeling it? • Many of us as Empaths and Highly Sensitive People are more prone to absorb the feelings of others and, naturally, we want to ease these feelings when they’re difficult or painful for the person. It’s a gift and a curse. • If we grew up in a dysfunctional and/or toxic families our natural ability to feel for others helped us to cope and survive. We found purpose in it and something we were good at, and probably praised for. We learned that sacrificing ourselves earned us love. • Most likely the process started as a voluntary act but with time this behaviour turned into our default way of being. Slowly we forgot that we too have needs and learned that to try meet them will cost us too much. It will mean that we’re not good people anymore and that love might be withdrawn from us. • Being an Empath and a HSP is something beautiful but we need to ask ourselves what is the motivation behind our behaviours. Is this something that we do out of true love for others that makes we feel fulfilled? Or is it because we fear that we will lose our influence over others and possibly even their love? Or is it because the feeling of guilt if we don’t fulfil the expectations will be unbearable? • It is a very fine line. Empathy is certainly something to be proud of and can be used in many ways to help others. But if we are coming from abusive and/or traumatic childhoods we need to perform a check on our behaviours. Because if we don’t, we only feed the dysfunction we come from and the cycle of abuse and trauma continues. 💕
  • These are the perceptive words of Shyla from @growhealchange who I had the pleasure to interview for The Empowered Women Series on my blog. The post is up and you can access it through the linktree in the bio or sign up for the newsletter (and receive the 4 Steps of Personal Transformation Guide) to receive healing doses directly in your inbox! • To me Shyla is a shining light and her words not only inspired me to keep going on my healing journey but also gifted me with a vision of what the future might be like. She's a healer at her heart and her story of overcoming trauma, abuse and neglect make her an excellent guide for anyone who wishes to heal, grow and change! • Thanks Shyla for taking the time to share your experience and wisdom, I'm sure it will help many survivors on their paths. And you guys, go check out this lady's account and make sure to read the post. Love, V. 💋
  • Building self-awareness has been my Number One act of self-care. I spend most of my free time learning about why I am the way I am, why I act in the ways I do, how can I do and be better for myself and those around me and who I truly am. • Becoming aware of our shadow, our weaknesses and imperfections can only make us a better version of ourselves and I strive to accept every single part of myself to become the full expression of who I am. Becoming aware of our shortcomings, exiting denial state and accepting full responsibility for our lives is the definition of being empowered. • There’s nothing to fear (you’re more powerful than you think), ignorance is not bliss but suffering (for you and those around you) and self-awareness is the path to healing and self-actualisation. Self-awareness is radical self-care.💕🌠
  • 🌴 MY EXPERIENCE WITH SCHEMA THERAPY 🌴 • As I mentioned in my previous posts, schema therapy was hugely helpful in my treatment. When I first started therapy, I only had suggestions of what might be my “problem” - I’ve self diagnosed with Complex PTSD based on all the books and information I’ve read on (childhood) emotional abuse, neglect and trauma. • When my therapist introduced me to schema therapy, she confirmed my childhood emotional neglect - after some initial tests, I had almost to a 100 % the schema of emotional deprivation. Reading on that gave me an immense clarity about the dynamics I feel in relationships with people in general. • In my childhood I didn’t receive the necessary nurturance, warmth, support, encouragement and guidance. I was looked after materially but emotionally I was deprived - my emotions and needs were overlooked and I internalised this parental behaviour (or omission of such) as “I will never receive the love I need”. Thus, the subconscious belief that my basic need to be loved, nurtured and cared about by others as I am, will never be met and I will end up disappointed, hurt and rejected. • On top of emotional deprivation, I also have the schemas of self-sacrifice, relentless standards and shame. We do usually have a few other ones on the side of our main “issue”. That said, learning about those - where they come from, why and how they develop, we can start unlearning the damaging, self-defeating behaviours that perpetuate the false beliefs about ourselves. We can begin seeing ourselves in clarity and with purity. We start gaining a sense of who we truly are before we had to become somebody else in order to survive our traumatic childhoods. 💕 For information on Schema Therapy check out http://www.schematherapy.com/ • Image @losst Words @vilina.christoph
  • 🍁 SCHEMA THERAPY PART II 🍁 • Schemas are defined as “broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and one's relationship with others, developed during childhood and elaborated throughout one's lifetime, and dysfunctional to a significant degree." Schemas develop in childhood and adolescence from an interplay between the child's innate temperament, and the child's ongoing damaging experiences with parents, siblings, or peers. • Because they begin early in life, schemas become familiar and thus comfortable. We distort our view of the events in our lives in order to maintain the validity of our schemas. Schemas may remain dormant until they are activated by situations relevant to that particular schema. • If you want to start working with Schema Therapy by yourself you can check out the book by Dr Jeffrey Young Reinventing Your Life, which covers the basic fears (schemas) we encounter as wounded by childhood trauma. Reading the introduction only will help you identify which ones you might have and you can also self-assess. If you prefer to enlist professional help, search for a therapist fluent in Schema Therapy. • What I can say from my experience, is that this information helped me tremendously in identifying core wounds and beliefs I had about myself and others. I understood that these “ideas” I had were quite skewed and distorted. It helped me gain clarity over who I am and what I truly need and deserve. I cannot recommend it enough for anyone who has suffered childhood trauma, abuse or neglect. Of course, every experience is subjective and I suggest you research the resources on the schema therapy website first to make an informed decision. 🍁 • Resources: http://www.schematherapy.com/

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Recent Posts

  • Shyla Cash Interview ImageInterview with Shyla Cash: Narcissistic abuse and emotional neglect survivor, and a coach at Grow Heal Change
  • Childhood Emotional Neglect ImageChildhood emotional neglect – the hidden root of my pain
  • Tanya Amidei Interview ImageInterview with Tanya Amidei: Sexual abuse survivor, life coach and a spiritual writer
  • My Pain is My Power ImageMy Pain is My Power
  • The Wonder List June ImageThe Wonder List: Goal, Gratitude, Inspiration & Affirmation for the Month of June
  • Dari Frampton Interview ImageInterview with Dari Frampton: A woman on a journey of transformation, healing & discovering her true self

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  • Such a great post by Nicole @the.holistic.psychologist 🙏🙏🙏 • You not only survived in environments, you adapted to them. From parents who couldn’t be what you needed, to bullying, to pains that your tiny self couldn’t process. You’re still here. Never forget those past versions of yourself. You carry them with you, and they’re a consistent reminder of your resilience. Because you follow this account, you’ve chosen to go beyond the survivor. You’ve made a choice to heal. This is the most courageous thing a person can do in their lifetime. No other achievement comes close. Contrary to what our deeply confused culture continues to preach. I was the child hiding under tables. Afraid of anyone even coming into my house. At bedtime came night terrors— my parents dying of someone breaking in. My mother, carrying her own unresolved trauma, was unable to bond with me. And, in the alchemy that is the human experience, this would lead me to my life’s work. Trust the healing process. You’ll see just how much of your own suffering you create. You’ll learn that the biggest thing in your way is you and your self limiting beliefs. And that’s a good thing because YOU are the only thing you’ll ever be able to change in this life. Read that line again. Resist the ego asking “how much longer” or “when will I know it’s over?” With time you’ll understand the process itself is teaching you patience. It’s teaching you surrender. It’s teaching you how to connect to the most important voice you needed to disconnect from to survive: your own. Take a moment of gratitude below and acknowledge just how far you’ve actually come. Incase you haven’t been told recently, you are a warrior. I see you #selfhealers • Reposted from @the.holistic.psychologist
  • Playing with the foliage in my father's garden 🌿 We arrived today at his house with my son to spend a few days before heading to the seaside. I was getting a bit edgy after spending two and a half hot summer months in the city. It was good but it was time for a move before we plunge into school season in September. • Happy Full Moon in Aquarius tomorrow! Wish me fun on my travels, I'll be back in about 10 days 🌴🏖🌴
  • Sometimes I want to be already "healed", I want to feel "ready", I want to be doing everything I've been wanting to be doing. I feel impatient and I want to be "there" already. • However, I've learned to recognise that that's when my ego has takes up the driving seat. But my higher self knows that all that is an illusion. • The healing journey is a process, and not a linear one. Being healed isn't an end destination, it's a never-ending story, we wouldn't be here on earth otherwise. • Readiness is just a way of fooling ourselves that we can't have what we want right now. It's a way of avoiding fear and discomfort. But there is no growth without pain. • This is a reminder to take a step at a time, give thanks for your process and to remember to stop from time to time and enjoy the view from the path you're on. 💚🌿💚
  • ⚡ HIGH STANDARDS AND CRITICALNESS ⚡ • Another core belief/pattern from Schema Therapy is Relentless Standards and Hypercriticalness. It's one that I have and struggle with on daily basis. • In essence, the high standards we have towards ourselves and others usually serve as a compensation for the feeling of low self-worth. The relentless striving to be “perfect” is a way to soothe our feelings of shame, to avoid feeling rejected, or because of fear of failure. Another reason is that we could’ve grown up with critical, perfectionistic parents and that’s what we’ve learned and internalised. • Our high standards can come up as extreme orderliness (being pedantic), orientation towards achieving goals (being a workaholic), or seeking status (external recognition). These different behaviours compensate for different fears we might have. • The truth is that keeping up high standards can come at an extremely high price - most of our energy goes in keeping them and our health and relationships can suffer. Often we feel pressured and burdened by the weight and impossibleness of those standards. • I’ve noticed for myself that I can’t say “I don’t know” - I feel an internal obligation that I have to have the answers. To not know would mean that I’m less of a person, that I’m a failure, or not good enough. But the responsibility I feel is too great and the weight is crushing me. • High standards sap the energy, joy, pleasure, and spontaneity of life. You may achieve perfection according to your high standards but you will not have anything left in you to enjoy it. In fact, you’ll most likely find the next goal and work relentlessly towards that. But you can heal and stop the cycle. • Do you relate? How do you cope with your standards? 💚
  • 🍁 MY EXPERIENCE WITH EMDR 🍁 • The experience of EMDR is difficult to describe with words - it happens on a deep emotional level and words are not even necessary during the process. But I found it very gentle even though it could bring you to the deepest depths of your inner world. • That’s what happened to me - all the three sessions I’ve had so far took me to places I’ve not expected and even thought they exist. As a rule, you start working with a memory you have and then you follow the feelings, thoughts and sensations you feel with your body and mind. You continue following the trail until you usually come across the root, as I see it. • During my second session, I’ve discovered an emotional “tumour” in my chest area and I figured this was all the pain I’ve felt during my childhood years of emotional deprivation and neglect, stored within my body and around my heart. During the last session, towards the end, I found myself in a desert, which I figured was symbolic of how alone and lost I’ve felt as a child. • It was all very powerful and emotional. And even though it is difficult to confront these suppressed feelings, after that we could release the stuck emotions and integrate those painful memories. They become part of our story but no longer have an emotional hold over our present lives. • I’m looking forward to more EMDR sessions with my therapist and I can recommend it to everyone who’s suffered trauma in the past. I’ve read that it’s particularly helpful with a single event traumas and PTSD. Childhood trauma and abuse (and Complex PTSD) could be trickier and you may need to combine more that one healing approach. So far I’m grateful I’ve found EMDR and that it’s helping me with my childhood trauma. We also work with Schema during my therapy. • Have you tried EMDR? What's your experience with it? 🍁
  • I've had my third EMDR session and I'm amazed by its power in assisting healing from trauma. I've selected a few quotes from "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk @thebodykeepsthescore • Like many scientific advances, EMDR originated with a chance observation. One day in 1987 psychologist Francine Shapiro was walking through a park, preoccupied with some painful memories, when she noticed that rapid eye movements produced a dramatic relief from her distress.[..]Initially skeptical about her observation she subjected her method to years of experimentation and research, gradually building it into a standardized procedure that could be taught and tested in controlled studies. • EMDR loosens up something in the mind/brain that gives people rapid access to loosely associated memories and images from their past. This seems to help them put the traumatic experience into a larger context or perspective. • People may be able to heal from trauma without talking about it. EMDR enables them to observe their experiences in a new way, without verbal give-and-take with another person. EMDR can help even if the patient and the therapist do not have a trusting relationship. This was particularly intriguing because trauma, understandably, rarely leaves people with an open, trusting heart. • In contrast, EMDR, as well as the treatments discussed in subsequent chapters—internal family systems, yoga, neurofeedback, psychomotor therapy, and theater—focus not only on regulating the intense memories activated by trauma but also on restoring a sense of agency, engagement, and commitment through ownership of body and mind. • As we’ve seen, traumatic memories persist as split-off, unmodified images, sensations, and feelings. To my mind the most remarkable feature of EMDR is its apparent capacity to activate a series of unsought and seemingly unrelated sensations, emotions, images, and thoughts in conjunction with the original memory. This way of reassembling old information into new packages may be just the way we integrate ordinary, nontraumatic day-to-day experiences. 💚
  • Emotional Deprivation is one of the early maladaptive schemas in Schema Therapy. It is the fundamental belief that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not be adequately met by others. It usually starts very early before the child is verbal and it crystallises as a deep feeling inside that he/she will never be seen, heard, understood, acknowledged. • It often is described as a feeling of emptiness inside, loneliness, and a lack of something essential. It's a very common condition but often hard to discover and pin down. Partially, this is because emotional neglect as described by many is not the act of commission (as in abuse) but rather the act of omission i.e. the feelings of lack and emptiness. • If you often feel as described above you may have felt emotionally deprived as a child. Your mother (or mother figure) may have not met your emotional needs adequately or consistently. She may have met some needs, like your physical needs, but may not have been attuned to your internal world or provided protection or guidance. • This may lead to unsatisfactory, disappointing and damaging relationship patterns which could only deepen your wounds. Schema Therapy is helpful in understanding the origin and workings of Emotional Deprivation/Neglect. And EMDR therapy could be helpful in working with painful and traumatic memories.
  • Do you feel guilty when you prioritise yourself? Is the guilt that you feel so much that you continually sacrifice your needs to avoid feeling it? • Many of us as Empaths and Highly Sensitive People are more prone to absorb the feelings of others and, naturally, we want to ease these feelings when they’re difficult or painful for the person. It’s a gift and a curse. • If we grew up in a dysfunctional and/or toxic families our natural ability to feel for others helped us to cope and survive. We found purpose in it and something we were good at, and probably praised for. We learned that sacrificing ourselves earned us love. • Most likely the process started as a voluntary act but with time this behaviour turned into our default way of being. Slowly we forgot that we too have needs and learned that to try meet them will cost us too much. It will mean that we’re not good people anymore and that love might be withdrawn from us. • Being an Empath and a HSP is something beautiful but we need to ask ourselves what is the motivation behind our behaviours. Is this something that we do out of true love for others that makes we feel fulfilled? Or is it because we fear that we will lose our influence over others and possibly even their love? Or is it because the feeling of guilt if we don’t fulfil the expectations will be unbearable? • It is a very fine line. Empathy is certainly something to be proud of and can be used in many ways to help others. But if we are coming from abusive and/or traumatic childhoods we need to perform a check on our behaviours. Because if we don’t, we only feed the dysfunction we come from and the cycle of abuse and trauma continues. 💕

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