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The shame around being a “bad mother”
Sometimes I resent being a mother. That is not to say that I don’t love my child. Unlike my mother and some mothers who can’t love, I do love my son. With all my heart and soul, always and forever. I believe all mothers have moments when they resent motherhood. I believe that the contemporary expectation to be a non-stop happy and vibrant mother is not only unrealistic, it’s also severely shaming and stigmatising. It makes natural temporary feelings of dissatisfaction or unfulfillment fester into gnawing guilt. That makes me think how terribly unprepared and largely delusional so many mothers enter into motherhood, including me. I wanted my child with…
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Why holding space is so important in relationships
You may have heard the term “to hold space” for somebody. Did you fully understand what it means? How we actually do that and why is it so important? I remember reading about it a while ago but couldn’t quite connect the dots – it just sounded abstract or something. And I’ve been seeing articles and videos on the subject circulating around social media, but it wasn’t until I had my own realisations about what relationships really are, that I fully embodied the understanding of what this term means. As I wrote in my previous post, relationships are tools that are assigned from God to us, and signed in a…
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How relationships help us heal and transform
Will you define your relationships with people as good? Or do you think you can do better? Have you ever wondered why are relationships so tricky? I recently watched a talk which shed some very needed light on this question. Relationships are a tool, with a big T. They are an instrument. They are a mirror. They are an opportunity for us to heal our wounds. Furthermore, they are the only way for us to continue growing and evolving, as human beings and as souls. When we choose to enter a relationship in the material plane, on a soul level we have already signed a contract with this particular soul to experience some learning and growth. Our mutual purpose is…
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Dreams of freedom and defining values
What is freedom for you? Can you answer with one word, perhaps you need one sentence? And what do you dream of? Do you need more than a sentence to describe your dream? I understand – we often don’t know what we’re dreaming of or perhaps, all the more, we’re not daring into thinking what our dream really is. And sometimes it takes quite a long time to realise it… I’m one of the people who until now didn’t understand what they really long for. I knew I was longing for something, something else than what I was experiencing. But I think I may have been too scared to question myself –…
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Birthday wishes and full moon magic
This last Sunday was my birthday – happy 32 years to me! Birthdays are always tricky – the solar return of our lives – they mark an ending and a beginning. Since my birthday is in autumn I find it even more melancholic – the end of the summer season and the beginning of the “back to school” season. The two together have always been challenging for me. But now that I’m at an age when there’s no school classes it feels more like reckoning with what I’ve achieved in my personal development and life. So it’s a time of looking back and evaluating and looking ahead and setting intentions. For what I know…
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September astrology vibes and dives
Once the month of September arrives I’m all into diving deep in astrology. Last year around that time started my astro-journey. I opened the first of many books that I read in the consequent months. My curiosity and amazement of this subject has deepened every day since then. These days I’m reading about my six-year long perspectives and also one year planetary transits. And I’m fascinated. But not only with the accuracy of these reports. The modern astrology doesn’t just give us facts and dates of things that will happen. No, this isn’t really the meaning of astrology. Today astrologers look into the overall themes in our lives based on…
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Showing up for ourselves: an experience of a photo session
I have been quiet for the past few weeks. So much has happened that it’s somewhat hard to even start – where do I start from? Part of the reasons why I haven’t written, is that I’ve been feeling a lot of internal integration of everything I’ve been through lately. Meaning, while up until now I’ve been doing a lot of mental untangling helped by my writing, for the last 3 weeks I’ve been feeling as all this has been integrating in my body and physical life. Literally, I am feeling the embodying of the shifts happening within me. I didn’t feel like I want to write about something so I…
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Breaking free of our mental prisons
I mentioned in my last post that I’ve kept myself into a sort of a mental prison. After talking to my therapist about it and going for a walk after, it came to me – another piece of the puzzle. After the dreams about my past lives, I had another few empowering dreams – one symbolising letting go of the burden I’ve been carrying by throwing things out of a backpack I’ve been carrying, and another – expressing myself freely by singing to a song I don’t remember the words of but nevertheless singing loudly and freely. To me, those dreams symbolise my emotional release of the trauma I’ve been lugging around…
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Learning to trust: connecting to our inner wisdom
In February I wrote about the small steps that me and my family are taking, and the changes coming from that. Now, a few months later, things are still moving forward and there’s much progress. In this post I’d like to revisit and recap all that started at the beginning of this year. Perhaps the most significant area in our lives as a family was our housing situation. The house we live in and are taking care of is about to be announced for sale. When my partner’s grant aunt died earlier in January we knew our boat is to be rocked. But we’ve already started on the process of getting…
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Letting go of guilt
In this post I’d like to discuss the feeling of guilt – in particular the guilt inherited from our parents and the way we carry this within us through life. I believe guilt can play out in our lives in two ways: the guilt our parents felt towards us when we were young (and perhaps still feel) and how that affected us in becoming whole beings the guilt we carry over for our parents and we as parents feel towards our children. And I believe this guilt is carried through the generations. Perhaps this is a new concept for you but bear with me. If you find yourself feeling guilty in situations…
